She peers down from the couch to kneel beside me, leaning her elbows on the coffee table, where pencils and crayons were scattered unceremoniously.
"It's beautiful, sweetie." She says with a reassuring smile.
"Really? But it doesn't look like yours." I mention, pointing to the framed artworks on the wall.
"Does it have to?" She scoffs and snatches the sketchpad out of my hand, placing on the coffee table. "Come here," She says, poniting to her her lap and I waste no time in crawling across the carpet and sitting on it. She then wraps her slender warm arms around me, caging me in.
"Everything you touch is beautiful because it now has a piece of you in it." She says, running a hand through my hair. "And you, my dear, are very beautiful.
I only smile in response, a warm heat rising to my face. We sit like that for a few more moments. The sounds of nighttime go off around us and a fire crackles in the pit, giving off a comforting heat that envelopes us both.
It's about nine o'clock in the evening and I was colouring, while mom was watching the Food Network in the lounge.
The sounds of an engine being cut off was like an alarm in my ears. My mom sprang into action, heaving me off her lap and quickly standing up. She quickly collected all my colouring materials, stuffing them into their box.
"Your father is back. Let's go." She whispers, as she grabs my hand and pulls me up the steps, towards my bedroom. Once there, she throws the box on a table and leads me into bed.
"I'll be right back to tuck you in, okay. Do not leave this room." She says hurriedly and I nod in response. I tke a seat on the bed and watch her scramble towards the door
She switches off the light, leaving me in moonlit darkness, and exits the room.
Sooner than I'd prefer, I heard my father's boistrous voice arguing against her much softer one. The yelling grows louder and I can't help it. I slip off the bed and pull my door open, tiptoeing towards the top of the staircase. I peer with one eye towards the foyer, where my parents are currently standing.
Father seems angry and his speech is slightly slurred. He's drunk.
My mom is speaking in softer tones, while father keeps on yelling at her. I watch as she says something, her tone dangerously low.
Father reels back from her words, and I bring a hand to stifle my scream as I watch my father raise his hand to slap my mother. Her head twists to the left from the force and I release a silent sob into my hand.
_
I gasp and my eyes snap open, and breathe in more of the cold vapour from the alburtol. My eyes glance scan my surroundings, finding that I'm in my bedroom. The vibrating sounds of my nebulizer pull me out of my drowsiness.
What happened?
My black hoodie and Vans are now missing as I lie on the bed facing the ceiling. I look around the room once more to find Elijah sitting on the other side of my bed.
Elijah?
Elijah...
Elijah!
He snuck into my room and scared the hell out of me when I walked in. I pull the mask away from my face, revealing the evident sneer on my face. I watch as his eyes widen and he chuckles nervously.
"You scared me." I say coldly.
"Uh, yeah..." He replies, the nervous smile never leaving his face.
"You know you're not supposee to do that." I continue, my glare still effective.
"I know. But I wanted to surprise you, April." He says, scooching closer to me.
"By scaring the life out of me?! You're an idiot." I retort, pushing off the bed to turn off my nebulizer and pack it away.
"You scared me. I just said 'hi, April' and you just fainted- dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes and I was panicking. Because I knew for sure if you died, you'd come back to haunt me. Not to mention how my mom would actually kill me-" He rambles on.
"Elijah, stop." I said rubbing my eyes.
"I didn't even know where your Nebu-mist was and you weren't even breathing and I was panicking-"
"Elijah. Stop!" I say, almost to a yell. He stops rambling and I move to look for my phone, which was now missing from the back-pocket of my jeans. "We're fine and I'm okay." I tell him, a little smile on my face.
"Great." He says with his own pearly-white smile.
"What time is it?" I ask, still looking around for my phone.
"It's half-past six. You were out for about an hour." He says, rising up from the bed. "Your phone's charging over there." He says pointing to my nightstand, where my phone lies on the black surface.
How did I not see that? I scoff as I reach for it, checking for any texts or alerts. I have only two messages: one from Cami and one from Mrs. Sanchez.
Mrs. Sanchez:
Elijah will be there by four. I left chicken curry in the kitchen and there's french bread in the bread bin. Take care, dearie.
I quickly type back a reply, thanking her and wishing her a good night.
"You've been here since four?" I ask Elijah, who was currently scrolling through his phone.
"Yeah. That's why I had the TV open. I was waiting for you." He says, stretching his legs out on my bed.
I don't really know how to feel about Elijah being here. We used to be so close and now we rarely talk, even on the phone. I've known him for eight years, he knows my story. But I don't know why he's been so distant. I won't pry, I know he'll tell me if he wants to.
"So... Who was that guy in the Wagon?" He says teasingly.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I said simply, tilting my chin into the air and stalking for my closet.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about. Who is he? Is he from school? Is he the reason why you were late?" He says, that teasing smile never leaving his face.
"'Lijah, shut up. He's just some guy from school." I tell him simply and he chuckles at my answer.
"Oh, you definitely like him. What's his name?" He questions.
"I'm not telling you anything..." I say, as I pull out a pair of sweat-shorts and a panda themed pyjama top.
"Yeah, I can always depend on you to be dark amd mysterious, April." He muses sarcastically, tousling his dusty blonde hair, which was the same shade as Mrs. Sanchez's.
"Don't be dramatic." I retort, making my way into the bathroom. "Be back in a few. Don't burn down my house." I shut the door before I could hear his smart remark.
The hot shower did wonders at disentangling every knot and tension found in my body, as if washing the whole day away. A day full of stares and whispers because of my interaction with Sawyer, which I also don't understand. A three hour long orchestra practice and an awkward meeting with Sawyer. Passing out from shock and a filling dread that I have to see my father on Monday.
I turn off the faucet and release a long shuddered sigh.
_
"So, what should we watch?" I ask, finally emerging from the kitchen, with a tray filled with two bowls of spicey chicken curry and and four slices of french bread.
Elijah is on the carpeted floor of the lounge, currently looking through the neat stack of CDs for a good movie.
"I don't know. But I feel like something animation-y. How To Train Your Dragon maybe?" He muses, lifting up the cover to show me.
"Oh, yes! All three of them. Movie marathon." I say with a smile on my face. Elijah only chuckles and inserts the CD into the DvD player. I put the tray on the couch between us and he grabs his bowl after dropping down on the couch.
The movie starts playing and we fall into a comfortable silence while eating and watching at the same time.
The chicken is delicous, but the spiciness brings tears to my eyes and a sheen of sweat starts to form above my lips. I swear my tongue is on fire.
"I think your mom is trying to kill us." I muse, taking in deep gulps of air, trying to soothe the burn.
I look at Elijah, who seems yo have everything under control. "Stop being dramatic." He shushes me and continues to dip more bread into the curry.
I tried. I really tried to woman up but the burn was all too much. "I need milk. Or water. Something," I said as I scrambled off the couch, making my way into the kitchen.
I pull open the fridge and find a full carton of milk, grab a glass and fill it up. I take greedy gulps of the cold white liquid that soothes the burn entirely.
"Hey, could you bring some back for me?" He asks after a few moments.
I scoff to myself. "Die alone, asshole. You said you were fine." I say, but still bring him a full glass back into the lounge.
"Thanks," He says when I hand him the glass of milk. "Has your mom been home lately?" He asks.
I shake my head. "No. She's been working somewhere in Venice, I think. I've been stalking her instagram. She seems happy." I tell him, folding my legs underneath me.
"And what about you?" He ask, raising one eyebrow.
"What about me?" I repeat, leaning into the couch. He scoffs at my reply and leans closer.
"Are you happy?" He says clearly.
I ponder for an answer. "I'm content. My mom is happy, school's going great so far and you're here. I'm great." I say, plastering a smile onto my lips .
"When are you seeing your dad?" He asks, playing with the hem of his checkered pyjama pants.
"This monday. They arranged a group sesh." I tell him, and purse my lips.
"You sure you're up for going?" He asks skeptically, his eyebrows furrowed with concern.
"Yeah, I wanna see him. And chunky will be with me." I say, motioning the the German Pinscher sleeping on the carpeted floor by my feet.
"Okay..." He says. He looks like he wants to say more but he holds himself back. I'm glad he does.
"What about you, 'Lijah?" I say occassionally.
"What about me?" He repeats much like I did.
"What's been happening with you? Y'know your mom's been really worried." I say, playing with my fingers.
"You've been talking to my mom about me?" He accuses, a deep edge cutting into his voice.
"Why wouldn't I? I've been worried too, Elijah." I stress out and he chuckles darkly.
"Worried about what?" He bites back, that wdge never leaving his voice.
"You're my best friend but you haven't called me in weeks. You didn't come to visit since this year started and suddenly you just appear and I have to act like things are back to normal. What's going on?" I start, my voice rising an octave higher.
"Stop prying. It doesn't suit you." He says calmly and a shiver rises up my spine.
"The hell it doesn't. Your mom says it's like you're not even there anymore. You don't talk, you don't eat, you're not as outgoing as you were. I just wanna know what's happening to my Elijah." I tell him thickly.
He scoffs and glares at me. "Just because your entire fucked up life story is out there doesn't mean mine should be." He says coldly.
I felt like I was punched in the gut as tears sprang to my eyes. I don't know what's going on with him but I sure don't like this version of him. I take in a deep shuddered breath and rise from the couch.
"Well, have a good night, Elijah." I said, barely a whisper as my barefeet pad over tile as I climb up the steps towards my bedroom.
I hear his footsteps behind me. "April, wait. Please-" he begins.
"No. You can sleep in one of the guest rooms tonight." I tell him without looking at him.
"Look, I'm sorry. But can you please just respect that I'll tell you when I'm ready to tell you?" He says, the dispair evident in his voice.
"Elijah, we don't judge each other. You know that. You could've just told me to give you some space instead of saying that. That was..." I say, my voice cracking and tears threatening to spill. But no, I won't let him see me cry, so I simply step inside my room and shut the door.
"I really am sorry, April." He says lowly and I hear his footsteps retreating.
"So am I." I say and shut the door with a resounding click.
I walk further into my room, throwing myself on the bed and bringing my knees close to my chest. I know my story has cracks and is fucked up, but isn't everyone's like that? I mean can they be a person with no flaw in their life? Just perfect normalcy?
I reach for my phone on the nightstand and see Cami's text which I never rplied to.
Cami:
Hang out at your place tomorrow? I'll bring snacks and cake.
I type out a quick reply.
Me:
Sounds good. See you at 9 maybe?
I watch as three dots appear, promising me a reply. A text soon appears from Cami.
Cami:
Great! See you then.
I smile at no one in particular. Out of everyone in our not-so-exclusive group of friends, Cami seems to be the nicest and most genuine. And Evan follows closely behind. I don't even know how we formed that circle of friends but it's not so bad.
I then log into my instagram and stalk my mom's newest posts. Another photo of her in her boutique, a group picture with a few other wom
en, one with her sunbathing and another one with a man whom I don't know. Once satisfied and reassured that she's okay, I place the phone back on my nightstand and switch off the lights.
_
It's about nine o'clock when I wake up the next morning. I'm suprised I slept so late in the morning. Well, it wasn't that late since I would wake up at eleven if Mrs. Sanchez wasn't here on weekends.
I pull away from the bed, return it to it's original state and make my way into the bathroom.
Cami said she'd be here at nine, so I opt for a quick shower instead of a hot bath. It doesn't help me relax as much as a laong bath would, but it does help a little.
I slip into a pair of sweatpants and a white long-sleeved t-shirt, and a white sports bra underneath. I leave my feet bare and tread my way downstairs into the kitchen, bringing my phone with me.
I look at the snacks that were left out for Elijah and I's sleepover. My heart constricts at the sight. He didn't even bother to say goodnight. I know I was cold to him but I had every right after what he said to me. The worst thing you can do is make others upset when you're upset.
I grab the bags of chips, and the bound pack sodas and put them back into the cupboards.
I mean why would he say sonething like that? Elijah knows me better than anyone. I know him better than anyone. And I know my story is fucked up, I don't need him to tell me that. But saying that it's out there... like I flaunt it and go around telling everyone. He and his mom are the only ones that know. Just them.
It's not like it's a story you'd tell as a conversation starter.
My chest suddenly feels tighter and salty tears blur my vision. I try to take a deep breath through the nose, but nothing reaches my lungs.
I twist around and reach for the bottom drawers, pulling the second one open and rummaging through the aligned racks. All while my chest heaves as less and less air enters. I finally grab my inhaler, uncap it and bring it steadily to my lips.
I take in a deep, prolonged breath, shutting my eyes closed.
Keep it there for three seconds.
Exhale slowly.
And start over again.
My phone rings during the excercise and I lean over the island as I answer it. I check the caller ID and see that it's Cami.
"Hello?" I say, bringing the phone to my ear.
"April, I'm here. Open your gate!" She says, and I can practically hear the smile in her voice.
"Okay, I'll open it now." I tell he and she hangs up.
I drop the inhaler on the island quickly dial the code for the gate and peer out the kitchen window to look at the gate. I pulls open and a silver Jeep drives up the driveway. Trenton's Jeep.
Okay. Either she's driving Trenton's car or she actually brought Trenton with her. Crap.
I look around, making sure there isn't a mess anywhere or something in need of cleaning. Nothing. Good.
Gosh, I need something. Cami's never been here before. And we've never really hung out. Alone. By ourselves. Just me and her. I take in a deep breath, willing it to go down my chest.
"Chunky?!" I yell out towards the staircase. I hear nothing in response. "Chunky! Come down here!" I yell louder, supposedly waking him up from whatever nap he was taking.
I soon hear the sounds of his heavy footfalls, coming from behind me. Oh, he was in the lounge. The red-black Pinscher bounds up to me, nearly tackling me to the ground. I kneel on the ground and scratch him behind the ears as he nudges me with his muzzle.
"Hi, boy," I say, my voice reduced to a small whisper. "I need you right now. Are you gonna be there for me?" I say thickly.
He doesn't say anything but only moves closer to me, and I wrap my arms around him.
After a few moments, I pull away from the hug, with him giving a parting lick on the cheek, and walk to the front door. I pull the door open to see the Jeep parked on the axle, about ten feet away from the door.
Cami soon jumps out of the car, carrying a bag and something held delicately in her hands. Trenton also appears from the other side of the Jeep and helps her carry some of the bags, even though there aren't many of them. He is too sweet.
"April, my girl. Goodmorning!" Cami says cheerfully, climbing up the steps.
"Hi, Cami. You look great for a Saturday morning," I tell her and she smiles doing a little twirl.
"April, you know I always dress to impress." She say coyly. She's wearing a black polka dot babydoll dress, with gold sandals to match. Her her is in its usual fluffy bun and her face is makeup free.
"You really do." I say with a chuckle. I step away from the door, giving her space to come through.
Trenton follows closely behind her, pausing at the door to peer down at me, with a look I can't decipher. "How are you doing, April?" He asks, lightly.
"I'm doing good and you?" I reply, shutting the door once they're both inside.
"I'm good." He says, still giving me that look.
"Babe, this place looks like it could be on MTV cribs. Why have I never been here before?" Cami remarks as her eyes scrape over the family room.
"Yeah, I agree." Trenton follows after her. "I mean, my house is big but this..." he whistles near the end.
"Shush... Cami, let me help you with those." I say, motioning to the bags she's carrying and the cake stand in her hand.
"Oh, thanks." She says handing me the cake stand. I lead her to the kitchen with them following close behind me.
We reach the kitchen and I place the cake on the island, and Cami and Trenton do the same.
Cami smiles as unpacks the totes they brought. "We brought snacks!" She exclaims, pulling out Lays, a pack of oreos, and best of all: gummy bears and skittles.
"Oh, Cami, you didn't have to." I tell her, though secretely happy that she included this colourful bucket of gummy bears.
"I wanted to. We're gonna eat the day away, and cry when our jeans don't fit in the morning." She says dramatically and a bark of laughter slips past my lips, Trenton laughs too.
"Amen." I remark. "The lounge is this way guys," I tell them and timidly lead them down the hall into the lounge.
I pause in my step when I hear a yelp from behind me. Cami is plastered to the wall as Chunky bounds past her. She looks petrified, I feel guilty that I want to laugh.
"Cami, you scared of the dog?" Trenton teases, stepping closer to my companion. "He seems harmless." Trenton says, reaching a hand to Chunky, who to my embarassment, growls threatheningly.
Trenton yelps and pulls his hand back.
"See! He's deadly." Cami says, in a 'I was Right, and you were Wrong' tone.
"I'm sorry, he's not usually like this." I say as Chunky treads down to me, brushing againat my coat. "What's gotten into you, Chunky?"
As always he says nothing but only turns around to pause in front of Cami, who still looks terrified.
"Guys, this is Chunky, my dog..." I said in an awkward tone considering that my friends- am I even allowed to call them that yet?- are scared of my dog.
"Nice to meet you, Chunky." Cami says lowly, bending a little to pet him. He allows it and even laps at her fingers.
"He likes you," I tell her. She smiles proudly.
"I'm out..." Trenton says making his way into the lounge. I stifle a laugh and follow him.
"Man, this place is massive. I'll be visiting more often." He says teasingly.
"Feel free," I say. It's not like anyone is ever here except me.
He looks at me weirdly, that same nagging look that leaves me unsettled. Cami soon catches up to us, a pout on her face.
"Aww, he left." She muses, taking a seat on one one the couch and Trenton follows suit, dropping beside her.
I take a seat on one of the lone couches, which gives me a view of the hallway. And a parallel view of the piano. Black, shiny and untouched.
"-you play, April?" Cami suddenly asks, I couldn't catch the beginning of her conversation.
"Huh?"
"Do you play the piano?" She repeats.
"Oh, yeah. I'm in orchestra, remember?" I tell her. I doubt she knew though.
"Oh, you told me about that. Do you play for the musicals at all?" She asks.
I nod and her face clouds with a look I don't- respect? Pride. "That's cool, April." She says with a smile.
"Well, I'll go get the snacks. The remote's on the coffee table, feel free to open the TV." I said as I awkwardly made my way into the kitchen.
Once there, I take in a long, heaving breath and let it out slowly. I repeat the process a few times and crave my inhaler.
But no. I should get used to this, no more pushing people away. I atleast have to learn to not risk passing out in front of people, and especially if those people should be considered my friends.
I take in another struggling breath.
Screw it. Where did I put my inhaler? My eyes scan around the kitchen, hoping to find it where I left it off. Where did I leave it?
"What's this?" I twist around, my breath hitching painfully, to find Trenton leaning casually over the island my black inhaler in his hand.
My inhaler in his hand.
Fuck.
-
Fin.