That time, I learned that Heroine used to be a Pastor now in a small church here. His daughters are Helena and Camilla, and they are now both twenty-one and get to college, with Helena taking up a business course, and Camilla, fine arts.
"Helen loves them both," he said as he shows me their family photos.
"You have a nice family," I said. "You must have loved her that you never find someone again, I said as I meet his gaze while holding his wedding picture.
He just smiles. "Yeah, maybe," he shrugs. "Did you meet with Dad before he died?"
"Nope. I was five years late."
"That's too bad," he commented then looks into my eyes sadly as his gaze softens.
"Yeah."
"How's your life? It's been sixteen years since we last saw each other. I'm sorry about Dani."
"I have a fourteen-year-old son. His name is Cole Mikhail. He's with Victoria in London. Can't you believe it? He pursues St. John Cass School," I said with a chuckle.
We both laugh at the idea. "Just like you used to," he said again. "Have you married again?"
I just shake my head. "I just want to experience life with no worries about other people."
"Have you ever regretted what we've lost?" he asked while looking straight into my eyes. "And what we've become?"
I reach for his hand. In his eyes, I saw love, longing, and sadness that he is trying to suppress with a sad smile. As I tried to contain my unshed tears, I sigh. "I'm sorry for not finding what we've lost and for being cowardly not to fight, but Heroine, " I said again as I meet his gaze, "I never regret meeting Dani and having Cole. Dani caught me when I have no one and I really do love him, but it doesn't mean that what we had is not true. I really did loved you and you will always be a part of me, however, losing Dani doesn't mean that I have the right to come back to you. His demise will never fade the love that I had shared with him. Also, my son is my everything now. I hope you understand."
With that, a lone tear fell from his eyes but he wipes it instantly. At that moment, my heart is also hurting with him. We both love each other and that love is true and pure, but then again, the timing is wrong. I was too young and incomplete because I still have to find my mom, which is my missing piece, while him, he has his own life with his own priorities. I understand that Heroine will never turn his back from his own people just to face the matters of the heart. the moment that we decided to say good-bye, we both understood the possibility that we will never see each other again in this lifetime, that is why he married Helen, while I decided to move on and dreamt of building a family with Dani. We both love our spouses and death will never change that. I cannot unlove Dani just to bring Heroine back on my system again. I just can't. It is not right because Cole still needs me.
"You must be tired. I-I will ask Camilla for assistance. You can join us at worship night later," he said as he freed his hand from mine, but I manage to pull through and embrace him on his back.
"I miss you. I miss my brother," I said.
"Okay," he replies as he faces me and planted a kiss on my forehead.
The whole worship night reminds me of my childhood days in Mice Cannes with Antoinette and the family going to church together. I am surprised, honestly, that Hitler didn't even try to exterminate our family and the rest of the neighborhood, because we shared the same faith with the Jews. It showcase now with Heroine as the living proof, since he became a Pastor.
While he leads the worship, doing the guitar, and at the same time singing Amazing Grace, I still see him smiles at me. I smile back and sing along.
"My chains are gone, I am set free. My God, My Savior has ransomed me, and like a flood, His money reigns, unending love, Amazing Grace. . ."
It's not been long since Abraham Lincoln abolished African Slave Trade with the law passed by the US Congress, with the Campaign started by William Wilberforce in London. It is really a celebration for Christians to fight for God's will of equality among people.
The next day, I decided to leave Hawaii for Egypt to finally see the Sphinx and pyramids, then I will go to Greece. Before I left, Heroine still see through it that I'll get to the airport safe and sound.
"I'll miss you," I said as I embrace him so tight and kiss him on the cheeks.
"Nice to have my sister back," he said as he pats my head for the last time and waves me goodbye.
I wonder whether we will cross paths again in this life, but one thing is for sure, Heroine will always be one of my best persons and he will always occupy a very special place in my heart. It is funny though that every time that I always let him go, I feel a bit empty. Yes. However, the way I view things clearly, this is always or the best. Heroine finds his purpose and way and will to live, while me, I intend to live my life freely. Wherever God leads me to, that is where I will go, and to love someone romantically is out of the picture --- for now. Heroine has his life. So as I am. But I will always hope the best of him. He will always be on my prayers.
A year later, I received a post card from Hawaii.
To Mademoiselle Ariah Suzanne Mariani Lei Peril -Lee Cannes y Cao
Spitalfield, Londress, England
La Vie' En Rose.
With love,
Monsieur Ernesto Heroine Felipe Vandamme O' Connor
Honolulu, Hawaii, U.S.A.,
Truly, life is like rosy pink glasses. It is colorful.