Lila POV
Today is my first day of classes and I'm so excited. I walk out of the apartment, books in hand as I walk to my car. I love my car. Its the only thing I have left of my father. I shudder at the thought of my father, I try not to think about him. The night he died I went out and got so drunk I couldn't even walk home. I feel ashamed at the thought.
I climb into my car, it comes to life and I hear Fleetwood Mac. I turn up the radio and listen intently in order to block out my thoughts. Back home I had Connor to distract me, we were never serious but we had fun. I need to find a new distraction and fast. Before I realize it i'm pulling into the parking lot labeled "C". As I pull in I realize that im early. My first class, creative writing, only has three people in it when I sit down on the isle seat of the second row. Two chairs down from me is a very handsome guy with golden brunette hair. His jaw is defined and when he smiles dimples indent his cheeks. He is classically handsome much like Connor. Maybe he can be my distraction. He looks over and catches me staring at him.
"Hi I'm Bryce you must be new here." He sounds nice enough so I give a nice enough response and turn back to the teacher who's babbling about herself. I look interested but I couldn't care less. After about fifteen minutes of listening to Bryce's advances I realize talking to him was a mistake. I try to look interested in what he's saying but I can tell by the look on his face that I'm failing miserably. Luckily about thirty minutes after class began a boy with dark hair walks in and sits in between us. I give him a thankful smile and turn back to the teacher.
"Now that everyone is here we can begin. You can call me Mrs. Carson. This, class, is your syllabus it has fifty-five percent of your grade in the form of projects and papers. The other forty-five percent will be this journal. Today were going to start with something easy. I want you to take out your journal and write about which classic novel you identify with. Which one speaks to you. Which one resonates with you. Leaves you with questions and answers. Begin." I smirk and lean down to begin writing.
The awakening by Kate Choppin. There are only four things I know about myself. I want to be a writer. I want to be a teacher. I want to be a pride activist. I want to be a feminist. Other parts of me get lost in the wind. Rather in tragedy or in growth I feel its for the better. If i stayed the same i would never get to be anything I strive to be. I guess its one of those "If life gives you lemons make apple juice." Kind of things. I have never really been able to fully love myself. I hope one day I'll meet someone who makes me love myself, literally forces me because I don't think I can any other way. In many ways I find myself interesting. After my father's death there was no way for me to cope other than to go to a bar and get drunk, and that made me hate myself even more. Connor made me understand there's other ways to distract yourself from tragedy. Now however Connor is not here and I need a new distraction. I tried to go without one for a while and it didn't work. I think I lost a piece of myself by trying to do that and then if I try again I might lose all of me. That is what scares me the most, losing myself. What if in some way it's my fault that my dad died or that my mom left. I have no one now. What am I supposed to do?
My writing is interrupted by Mrs. Connor turning to the class and calling for our dismissal. I glance to the right to see the boy with dark hair get up. I did not notice it before but he is beautiful. To a dramatic extent. He is about to walk past when Bryce turns to talk to me. I must look uncomfortable because the boy turns to me.
"Hi im Alex, its nice to meet you." I give him a thankful smile for the second time.
"Hi im Lila, its nice to meet you too." I reply.
"Would you like to walk with me?" I nod seeing Bryces glare out of the corner of my eye. We walk up the middle row when we reach the door I turn to say thanks and Alex raises his hand in an attempt to silence me and walks out the door. I laugh and shrug my shoulders. I walk out the door and turn right. When I notice Alex walking in front of me too parking lot "C" I take out my book and pretend to be reading so to avoid the whole "I said goodbye but now where walking the same way" Embarrassing cliché. I notice him look back at me then walk over to his car. He watches as I walk over to the Impala and get in. I crank the car and turn on the radio, Harry Styles can be heard through my windows. He still watching me as I put the car in Reverse pull out and pull over to where he is standing beside his car. I roll down my window and turn down the radio.
"Thanks for helping me with Bryce." I say in a monotone yet sweet voice. I turn the radio back up and as I am pulling away I can hear his small laughter at my sarcastic thanks. I know guys like Alex. Connor was one of those guys. There looking for sex not love. They grew up with a hard life and they project it using alcohol and girls. Sometimes I thought that Connor actually liked me and then I realized that, that was impossible that I should stop thinking it immediately before I get my heart ripped out and stomped on in front of my face. On my way home I listened Harry Styles all the way to distract me from thoughts of my dead father and all the mistakes I've made.
When I get to my apartment I pull into my parking space and cut off the car. I walk up the steps through the lobby and into the elevator. The elevator goes by each floor annoyingly slow until it reaches the seventh and I exit the elevator. I walk down the long hallway to my room, room 606. When I reach my room I open the door and walk into my kitchen. I lay bag down and walk to my room to put my books away and change. I open the door and switch on the light. There on my bed is him.