Sunny's pocket dinged. Twice. She let the TV turn off and fished the phone out of her jacket. Without thinking or choosing, Sunny's thumbs ricocheted over the screen.
Josh: Hey
Josh: How are you
Sunny: like you care.
Josh: Woahhhh
Josh: What's going on
Sunny: nothing
Sunny didn't bring up the talk with Tate. It still made her angry to think about it.
Josh: You good?
Sunny: fine
Josh: I was thinking we could hang out today
Josh: Haven't seen you in a while.
Josh: Hellllloooooo?
Josh: You there?
Josh: I miss you.
Josh's words intruded or heedlessly barged their way into the calm bovine space inside Sunny's heart. Even though the words came from Sunny's phone and lit up on her lap, it felt like a bite-size piece of him was here. She didn't understand why Josh texted these things instead of calling. Was she supposed to make the first move? Or would calling be too aggressive and raise the stakes in their relationship.
Sunny: I wish you did.
Josh: Ok. What's going on
Josh: I've been busy with school, you know that
Sunny: ya, right
Josh: I'm sorry hun.
Sunny: don't call me that
Josh: ?
Josh: I'm coming to your house now.
Sunny: no need.
Sunny slipped her phone into her pocket without saying goodbye to the cold, precise, characterless messages.
***
The next day, Sunny woke up to abdominal convulsions, which felt like something rough and compacted slicing her insides. It hurt a little, then a lot, and was like a tectonic plate inside her mantle, grinding and acting up against its own rocks. Sunny made do with Lyssa's heating pad, and by lying on her side, moaning like a seal. Pain became the priority, which was good because it cleared Sunny's mind from all thoughts and feelings. In what category of pain did this belong? She asked herself as she swallowed three Tylenols. None. There was no category for the pain of being a woman. Rank your suffering on a scale of one to ten, Hiram came and asked. Sunny just looked at him like, Why are you even here?
Every so often, Sunny changed sanitary napkins, rolling them into snowballs and stacking them on top of each other like legos in the trash can. With convincing, Lyssa made her go to school in the afternoon.
Mrs. Lennie asked a question. A nerdy brown kid had the answer and shot his hand up into the air. The teacher saw it, nodded up and down, but pointed at Sunny. Sunny shook her head, she didn't know. Mrs. Lennie called her to the board.
"Remember to show your steps." Sunny was dead. Sunny was screwed. "Tied hands or do you just not know the answer?" Sunny looked at her feet awkwardly. Mrs. Lennie was a bitch. The teacher scoffed and said, "Who wants to help Sunny do this problem? Devon? Great." God, please let this moment be over.
Sunny looked at her with red laser eyes that burned her chocolate forehead. She hated her for being the person she was supposed to be. Devon scribbled numbers and equations across the whiteboard. Then, she capped the marker and nudged Sunny with her ashy elbows. Mrs. Lennie smiled at Devon, who fluttered her eyelids and returned to her seat. Sunny pulled her lower lip in between her teeth. I could tell her stomach was sizzling like an egg on hot concrete. The Kitties were right: she is a bitch.
After class, Selena met Sunny outside the door. They hugged. Everybody turned to watch them pull apart. They were back together.
***
Fort McMurray had eight inches of snow last night. In any other place, that would've meant a heavy snow day. Not here. It was quiet, and it floated in the air like feathers. When it covered the cement-like icing, it hushed all beating hearts. Quiet.
Lyssa came to pick Sunny up from school. She dropped all plans just to patch things up with her little girl. Mostly, she just didn't want her precious to slip on ice. Sunny got into the car and shut the door.
"Why did you come today?"
"Well I thought maybe it's time we talk about things," Lyssa replied grinning. "And I missed you." Sunny looked around out and rolled up the car windows like she was on edge about being seen with her parent.
"Can we like go now?"
"Are we in a rush?"
"No but like can we just please get out of this parking lot," said Sunny. Lyssa turned the key and the car started up. She looked in the rearview mirror, pulled into the street, and passed a truck.
"You don't have a lot of homework today, do you? I'm taking you grocery shopping," she said. "And then after we can to the mall and dress up in that itchy lace like we used to." Lyssa laughed then looked over at her daughter. "What do you think?"
"I have plans with Selena already."
"No, you don't."
"I was just going to ask you to drop me off at her house. I could've taken the bus but you came… I just thought you were busy so."
"She's a bad influence on you." Lyssa's face lost color. She stared into the murky sky as if she were a frog in a well. "I didn't say yes." Sunny wasn't paying attention. She had her headphones in to avoid having to answer any of her stupid-filled non-sensical questions and was scrolling through her snapchats, skipping the ones from Josh.
"Sunny," Lyssa said, one hand on the wheel. She didn't turn. "Sunny?" She pulled out the buds and turned to face her mother.
"What do you want?"
"Can we just talk about things?" She dropped the hand nearest to Sunny from the steering wheel and placed it over her hand. Sunny immediately slipped her hand away. "There's nothing to talk about. Just drop me off." Sunny stuck the earphone furthest away from her ear back in and placed a strand of hair over it neatly.
"Oh—ha. Big high school student now. Don't want to talk to me. Fine. But we're going grocery shopping."
"What?"
"Like friends. We're going to hang out."
"MOM. You're not my friend," Sunny said, so full of annoyance. "Stop trying so hard to be involved, because you're not." Her voice carried exuberance, and it felt good to lash out, be a monster.
Lyssa's bottom lip quivered. Sunny looked out the window, and then back at her mother, and that's when she realized she didn't know her anymore. Lyssa had streaks of white and her face was powdered with forming wrinkles. She was transitioning; as her responsibilities grew, the young was fading.
The family-friendly SUV pulled up to the nearest Save Ons. The fact that there was the word save in the name meant that it was instantly Lyssa's favorite store. The automatic doors let them in, and Sunny started throwing her favorite snacks in the basket while Lyssa was busy on the phone. When the cashier scanned the banana three times and forgot to get take the anti-theft button off the T-shirt, the machine kept beeping, making Lyssa look like a thief. The phone call left her in the worse mood possible, so she started to berate the cashier, calling her names in front of the whole store. They went out the doors with two bags and the whole store stared, jaw-dropped, wondering if the woman's brother had died or something.
No, nobody had died. Lyssa's life had reduced to this.
They got back on the car, arms looped with plastic bags to which Lyssa said, "Sunny. Promise me one thing."
"Not again."
"Show up for me."
"Like when you didn't for me?"
"Stop, I'm being serious," she said. "Show up on the opening day."
"Whatever."
***
Nightmares assailed Sunny regularly. Tonight, her mother was making threatening noises, turning dinner into a lecture. Hiram was at work, absent.
"You think I'm stupid? You think I wouldn't find out?" Lyssa said with a creepy, poisonous smile. Any failing test grades you would like to show me? Huh? Report cards came in." She attacked a piece of chicken in her bowl. "I'm only going to say this once. You have potential. But nobody is going to care unless you excel in school. You get those grades up or you aren't going anywhere. No Jacob. No Selena. Nothing. You hear me?"
"But Mom—"
"I am not asking for much. Get them up!" Sunny looked down at her food. She looked like she was about to vomit.
"Look at me when I talk to you." Sunny mixed the rice into the vegetables. The mother snorted like a bull ready to charge. "Look at me." Sunny mixed chicken into her rice. The mother slammed the chopsticks on the table.
"Look at me now!" Sunny woke up.
***
Devon gave Sunny an early Christmas present early— a friendship necklace. Sunny forced a smile. Small talk. Devon went on about being on the student council, and how the school board won't let them perform Christmas carols or Hanukkah tunes. Multicultural was being replaced with no-cultural.
She said she was angry, and asked if Sunny wanted to join her to "make a difference".
"Look. Things are different now. You can't keep tagging around. I have friends who don't like you," said Sunny, throwing the friendship necklace into Devon's hand. "Stop giving me presents because I'm not going to accept them." Devon raised an eyebrow.
"Oh… my... gwad… Who's this?" Selena walked up to the two, with her hands crossed and eyes thinned out. She looked as if she were about to pick a fight. Sunny shivered.
"Oh…um… it's nobody," Sunny replied.
"She's creepy and I feel threatened. What's wrong with her lips? It looks like she's got a disease or something. They're so swollen. Can't look at her too long or else you'll think it's nighttime."
Then linking arms, Sunny and Selena walked away. Devon opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again. She gripped the necklace until it snapped. Sunny didn't even look back once.