I felt the burning. The struggle. Rough fingers in my hair, surrounding my head. Pushing against a strength that greatly outmatched mine. Panic, as the breath I am holding on to runs out. Eyes squeezing shut as I try to keep the air in, as every part of me burns to let it out but the back of my brain tells me I can't. Fighting and flailing in the water as hope leaves me.
The plane jostles from turbulence and I wake from my nightmare with a start. I clench the metal seat handles as I gasp for breath. Coming into my surroundings my breath gets deeper and my heart rate starts to slow down. I would be worried about embarrassing myself with my small freak out but the incredibly large drooling man next to me is dead asleep and blocking my actions from the rest of the plane.
Great, another nightmare.
I shouldn't be surprised. I knew coming back to where it all happened would bring past ghosts back to haunt.
Needing a moment to snap back into myself, I unclasp my seatbelt and begin to contemplate how I am going to be able to squeeze past my sleeping seat mate.
After serious gymnastics and a great many skinny thoughts, I manage to make it to the aisle and book it to the small plane bathroom.
The tight enclosure does not do much to help my claustrophobia, but I'm hoping a splash of the stale water will bring me out of my discomfort. I look in the mirror at my dripping face and try to focus to steady myself. Staring into my golden-brown eyes as I count. The numbers soothing me. I focus in on my olive skin watching the flush recede from my cheeks.
I take a few more moments before flipping my shorter brown curly hair back behind my shoulders, straightening my posture and walking back to my seat. After another full gymnastics routine to get back into my seat past the sleeping giant next to me I manage to buckle in as the seat belt light flips on and the pilot announces our descent into North Carolina.
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A relatively smooth landing and Uber ride into the city later and I am unceremoniously standing outside of my new beginning. Duke university is a beautiful place, and the housing the university provided for me as part of my incentive to teach here is no exception.
I only have one big suitcase, the rest of my belongings coming on the moving truck tomorrow, so I tell the driver to stay in the truck as I lug my luggage out of the back. I waved him off as I prepared myself to enter my new home.
Pleasantly surprised I find myself wondering if this is what they offer to a junior professor, what they must give to tenured academics. My suitcases' wheels sound out as they slide across the tile in a slightly narrow entryway before they go silent as they hit the plush carpet of the expansive living room. Everything is empty, furniture being one of the few things I had to provide for myself. I can see into an updated kitchen with beautiful white cabinets and stainless-steel appliances positioned to the left of the living room and an empty dining room that leads into a beautiful deck in the back yard, separated by two french doors. To the right I see three closed doors hiding what I'm assuming is the master bedroom, bathroom, and the office. For the first time since I accepted the offer from the university, I begin to think that being back here may not be so bad after all.
I decide on a shower first heading to the door on the left hoping it's the bedroom so I can open my suitcase and find my toiletries. I open the door to find a large empty bedroom. I retrieve my shower supplies from my suitcase and head to bathroom to wash the grime of the plane off of me.
After an achingly hot shower and change of clothes I was feeling relaxed enough to settle in for the night. My bed was arriving tomorrow, an inconvenience I had prepared for by packing a pillow and blanket in my suitcase.
The smaller house was located on the outskirts of the campus in a public subdivision, ensuring I was not forced to endure rowdy campus noise on this Friday night. I found myself wondering if other professors from the university lived around me and made a note to introduce myself to my neighbors the following day hoping to score some acquaintances before my first day of work, as I drifted off to sleep.
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The moving truck was there at 8 am prompt the next morning. A fact I was very happy about as my car was toted on the back, and if I wasn't able to get food and some sort of caffeine pick me up soon, I was very likely going to waste away to nothingness. It took all of ten minutes for the kind movers to unload my car and off I went for some much-needed breakfast as I left the professionals to do what they do best.
The streets were familiar to me, my family had only lived minutes from here as a kid, so I knew exactly where the best bakery in town was and headed that way.
Mae's bakery had been a town staple long before I was around, and I knew the familiar structure would still be here. I walked in to the sweet vanilla aroma and lit up at the familiar face I saw behind the counter.
Jane had been attached to my hip in high school. We had often been mistaken as sisters our similar features giving us the appearance of relation and our closeness making us inseperable. While I had purposefully altered certain things in my appearance to make sure I never fit the description that had made me a target all those years ago, Jane looked the same she did seven years ago. Beautiful red curls touch down to her elbows. Caramel eyes smiled at the customer she was talking to. Her smaller mouth so similar to my own stretched into a smile. A button nose and doe eyes that matched my own so well. She was my height an average 5'6 and my slender build. Before I dyed and chopped off my hair it was clear why everyone thought we were related.
I tucked into line, planning on letting her be surprised by my appearance. We had lost touched when I moved away after the incident so she would not have known that I was moving back.
I watched Janes eyes look over me when I approached her counter searching, recognizing but not placing my face until I saw the realization hit her and she squealed.
"Oh my God Ashlyn is that you?" She asked through the biggest grin I've seen on anyone's face in a while.
"It is" I smiled back at her and leaned forward for the hug she was indicating she wanted.
"Are you back for good" her eyebrows raised in query and anticipation
"I am" I confirmed as she clapped excitedly.
I exchanged numbers with her and promised a catch-up session before she allowed me to place my order. I put in an order for muffins and coffee for me and two half dozen donut boxes for neighborly introductions later.
The pleasant meeting and food had me in good spirits as I drove back to the giant task I had before me, unpacking.
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I had only been gone an hour, but the movers were taking in the last of my items as I pulled into my driveway. I heard the loud slam of the front door in the house next to mine over my radio. A very attractive, very angry slender blonde stormed down the driveway and got into the mini cooper parked on the street. I made a note to talk to that neighbor last, give the girl time to calm down, so I could make the best introduction possible.
Boxes littered nearly every open space as I tried to find a place to step to allow the movers to leave. I looked at what was the very daunting task before me and figured I would start somewhere easy, the kitchen.
I was thanking myself for labeling the boxes as well as I did when packing, because the kitchen when by in a breeze and room quickly started clearing up. The time on the microwave read 12:30 pm and I decided it was as good a time as any to meet the neighbors.