The evening had slowly reached the vast lands of southern Ireland thus filling the vast sky with a dark and dull colour and with a thousand small silver stars.
There was no moon or at least in a certain sense it did not shine as much as the past days to be seen.
Meredith walked silently in the long corridors of her residence, she walked slowly and sadly, as if she already knew what she was facing.
The days and weeks had gone by and as time passed, prince Aleksei too had begun to live in their company.
He slept in their residence, ate with them like a real guest, planned the next movements with Preston in the morning and in the afternoon usually he and Meredith used to spend time together, walking, talking.
It was all a matter of patience for now, of simple friendship, until that moment when she seriously felt the man had decided to move on to the next step of their relationship.
Aleksei had invited her to visit him during that night and knowing the male world well, she also knew what it meant.
Certainly he would not have asked her for such a thing just to talk or to have a normal discussion, this meant that the man, her betrothed wanted to switch to the role of fiancé for her.
Under this issue was a state affair and if she had not fulfilled this plan, the funds and the army together with the prince himself would most likely have disappeared, leaving them without any help.
It was a difficult choice when it came to duty or her freedom.
Did she have to follow the fate her brother had chosen for her? Why then? Why should she do this?
Meredith felt in that moment like the attacking bond of so many small parts, she had to push and pull to make everything fit together, to make sure everything was alright, even if it wasn't what she wanted.
What she wanted most was to be able to see her Diane again, the person she loved and thought about every day, what could she have said to her? How could she explain to her girlfriend what she had to do right now.
Her long brown hair rubbed slowly, along with the wind, on her back.
She wore a white lace and fine workmanship nightgown, a little too tight and snug for her own tastes.
It had been delivered to her by Preston as a "gift" for her return home, but above all she was not foolish and she knew her brother's plans were quite different from hers.
The corridor was dark, she held tightly in her cold hands the oil lamp inside which the candle continued to burn faintly.
Now that she was standing in front of that door, she thought about Diane more than ever.
Now that she was about to cheat on her she not only felt incredibly guilty but she was starting to feel bad too.
Her stomach had started to ache and quiver, as if she were afraid.
Meredith knocked weakly on the door, the wood was cold, but she was sure that the man was still awake, she was sure how she noticed the light of the candles on the other side of it shining.
His voice allowed her to enter, although she felt that it was not the right choice, it was said over and over again that she would only explain the situation and nothing else.
Aleksei would have understood, certainly he would have, surely if he really loved her.
Meredith opened the door, she was in the room that once belonged to her deceased younger brother Dickon and temporarily to William.
One of her younger brothers had lived in that room first and then the other and after their death it was a little impressive to return to that room.
After the death of her twins, her parents had closed that door once and for all but since the arrival of the prince the room had been cleaned and refurbished under Preston Dustin's order.
On the wide and broad walls there were two practically identical oil paintings depicting his two brothers on the right side Dickon's painting, on the left side that of William.
Even though they were now dead, their brown eyes painted on canvas still continued to stare from above at the people in that room.
That her brothers were to see what would happen between her and Aleksei that night, this was embarrassing and inadequate.
-You seem to miss your brothers- commented the prince sitting at the end of the bed, on the mattress, covered with a soft and precious red blanket.
Meredith glanced at the man and tried to recover, smile, wipe away some of her tears -just forgive me, I'm not used to entering this room since...in short...my brothers are no longer alive-.
Aleksei put a faint smile on his pale face, he understood her, he was in exactly the same condition as her.
He too missed Vassily at times, he too would have hoped that he could come back to life from the war, his brother, but now there was nothing more to be done.
She knew the Dustins had grown up together, she knew what sort of strong bond united them and he came to understand, although his childhood had been one big battle with his brothers to appear the best in the eyes of their father.
-If it bothers you to stay here, we can move to another room if you wish...- the man proposed lifting his body slightly from the mattress and with it also moving part of his curly and soft black hair.
Meredith looked at the other's clear eyes for a moment, she perceived fatigue but also the happiness of the man.
She didn't want to sound rude, so she just slowly closed the door behind her and nodded.
For her it was not good, that situation, but she was addressing a prince and unfortunately she could not say more.
Aleksei slowly approached her, she began to tremble, he gave her a goblet full of delicious and fresh red wine, she politely refused.
It was not Meredith's habit to drink before sleeping with someone, she thought about the proposal and she decided to drink a little, at least until she could act with ease.
What was she doing? Why was she doing it? She wasn't a puppet, yet she was giving in to the expectations of her own brother.
Why did she have to? She was a person in her own right and her body belonged to her and yet at that moment she was agreeing to give it to a person she didn't love just to fulfill a stupid contract.
Preston would have been happy with that, but what about her?
What would become of her? What about Diane if she was still alive? What would she have said to the idea of her own girlfriend, letting herself go, giving up her body to that man.
Meredith soon feel the softness of the mattress beneath her, it was comfortable but the situation made it hard and solid and uncomfortable.
She closed her eyes, felt her own long straight brown hair ruffled on the mattress and cover her cold back.
The lady exhaled from her mouth, from her parted lips, everything was happening so fast and she had to immediately come up with something if she wanted to avoid suffering great pain.
She couldn't imagine Aleksei, not like that, so she tried to bring Diane to mind, to remember her.
Meredith remembered her skin, golden and sweet as desert sand, her eyes, big and blue like the sea and the sky.
She remembered the sweetness of her lips the last time they kissed for a goodbye, she hoped she was still alive, she hoped she could see her again, she hoped that in that moment it was her beloved who was spending the night with her and not Aleksei.
What was happening? All of a sudden her thoughts, her fantasies about Diane began to disappear, they couldn't, not at that moment, she had to resist for a few moments longer.
She thought, she had to remember.
Meredith felt the prince's cold hands around her delicate wrists, touch her skin, his hands were cold.
As her fantasies about Diane slowly seemed to be unable to pass through her mind she immediately felt a sense of despair and pain, she felt a part of the prince inside her and it was incredibly uncomfortable since she wasn't attracted by him.
-Ah...Aleksei- came out slowly from her parted lips -you...you're hurting me-.
Her partner stopped for a few moments, stopped his every slightest movement, she understood from the man's worried eyes that hurting her was the last thing he wanted and she was grateful for this, that he respected her feelings.
-I...I can try to be more cautious if you wish- the prince proposed but Meredith gave up, she knew she didn't want to continue and knew that that would lead nowhere, not if it hadn't been with the person she loved.
Aleksei got up from the bed, Meredith slowly got up too and sat down next to him.
She slowly put a hand to her forehead, it was warm, her face red from the embarrassment of that evening.
If Preston had known, it would have been over but she had made her decision, her freedom over her duties.
She rarely took glances at the other, at his pale face, at the black and curly hair that went down to his shoulders, he seemed to try to smile, although she understood he felt incredibly guilty.
The mattress, the blankets were now covered with some stains of the woman's blood, it continued to hurt, but it was essential that the prince knew the truth, once and for all so that their relationship could not go on.
-I'm sorry, forgive me- Aleksei begged from next to her, watching the floor with his arms resting wearily on his knees.
-Hurting yourself is the last thing I want -.
Meredith recovered, looked into the man's eyes, slowly grabbed his hands.
He didn't have to be sorry, he just didn't know, but they had to clarify before it was too.
-Do not worry- Meredith begged taking the other's hands in hers, they were cold -the fact is that I have feelings for someone else and at this moment I am only thinking of her-.
-You must love her- the prince smiled squeezing her hands even more.
-Oh, with all my heart and I just hope that I am given enough more years in my life to be able to meet her again-.
Aleksei understood, immediately, respected the young lady's feelings and did not pretend from her to be his wife, not if her heart already belonged to someone else.
-Do you have another wish, my prince? Any other request that could in any way save our alliance?-.
In fact, he had a request, only he did not know if it was really something to ask, if it wasn't too much all together.
Many of the alliances between families were closed with a "blood seal" so that in such a situation a legitimate heir, would have been the only one able to leave Meredith her freedom and close the contract in any way.
Aleksei did not yet have an heir and entering at that moment into a war where his survival was not guaranteed, leaving a piece of himself on this earth would have been of great convenience.
-I could ask you something, something serious and important-.
-Anything, my lord-.
-It must be your decision, I don't want to force you or anything-.
-Tell me, please-.
-I don't want to bring you more pain-.
-Talk to me, I beg you-.
-Would you give me a child?-.
Silence followed the moments after that statement.
Everything was so unexpected that the thin lips of the woman remained parted for a moment in a faint and incredulous babble.
-A...a child? Do you want me to give birth to your child?-.
Aleksei slowly and weakly took the woman's hand, squeezed it in his and slowly led it to his heart.
Meredith could hear the man's beats one after the other they were so fast and frequent, they were so excited by the question.
Giving Aleksei a child meant having intercourses with him a second time, feeling the same pain for the second time, having to close her eyes and resist for the second time fantasising about Diane.
Then she would be free from all conditions, once the baby was in her womb she would be free to lead the life she always wanted alongside the woman she loved.
-I know well that it might seem impertinent or selfish and I would also accept your refusal if you wish...-.
Meredith wrapped her hands around her nightgown at the height of the knees, she knew how much Aleksei cared about her and she also knew that that would most likely be her key to complete freedom.
-I will do it...- admitted the woman letting a weak silence fall -I will be a surrogate mother for your child, only on condition that you convince my brother to let me go, in freedom-.
Aleksei closed his eyes, he had a great influence on Preston and on his plans, he knew that with some charisma he would be able to convince him.
-Perfect, I do not want to cause you further pain, my lady, I will speak personally with the gynecologist to define the day to conceive the child, then everything will be done, I promise you your freedom- Aleksei put his hand on hers, Meredith shook it as a sign of shrewdness.
She wanted to cry, of joy for her liberation, of sadness for the pain she was taking charge of carrying on, she didn't know, the fact is that in the cruel aristocratic world she was the only chance to come out free and alive.