Amari woke to buzzing near his head, the phone just beside his pillow vibrating from a call. He grumbled and grabbed it.
Who the hell is calling me this late?
"What?" he snapped, still half-asleep.
"Is this Amari?" a light, hesitant voice replied on the other end. Young, female, and obviously not expecting him to answer so gruffly.
Then he heard a louder voice in the background, deep and a little slurred. "A Li? Issit A Li? Lemme talk to'm."
His annoyance quickly faded. With a sigh, he sat up, stretching as he spoke.
"Yeah, I'm Amari. I'm guessing Yangyang's drunk and needs someone to get him?"
The girl chuckled through the speaker. "Yeah, sorry. He doesn't usually drink like this. We tried to stop him but, you know, he's rather large and stubborn." She sounded prim and refined, and Amari guessed the musician friends he mentioned were from the college. "Then he started shouting that he had to go and see you. We convinced him we would call instead, since he's in no state to go out alone."
"Thanks, for calling." He scratched his head, hearing Yangyang yelling for him in the background again, then hushing others for being so loud. "Sorry you've gotta take care of him. He can be really childish sometimes."
She chuckled again. "I think it's sweet. He really wasn't in a very good mood tonight. I feel bad we made him come out with us."
"No. He should go out more often." Amari slid out of bed and pulled on the first pair of briefs he could find, then headed to the door. "He spends all his time working or at home, like an old man."
Another light chuckle and he had made it to Ziggy's room. "I was worried about calling you so late. I didn't want you to get the wrong idea... But, the way he talks about you, I guess you probably aren't worried about that kind of thing."
"Uh, yeah." He wasn't entirely sure how to respond to that, since he didn't actually know what Yangyang said about him with his friends. "I'm not really the jealous type."
He knocked loudly on Ziggy's door and a slew of curse words, English and French, pierced through the wood. "Sorry, excuse me. I've just gotta wake my friend up." There was a laugh on the other end and he muffled the speaker.
"Zig, get up." There was rustling and Amari realized he wasn't alone in the room. After more cursing, someone opened the door.
"What's up?" Joe asked, a little out of breath and smelling of sweat, but his tone was pleasant. "Why are you knocking in the middle of the night?"
"Really?" He pretended to peek around, as if he would be able to see anything. "But you guys're so quiet... What're you even doing?"
"What the fuck business is that of yours, hein?" Ziggy hadn't moved from the bed and Amari was beyond curious.
"Okay, so... I've gotta ask." He couldn't help himself, a smirk on his face. The situation was too perfect. "How does this work? Do you just switch? Or maybe use toys?"
There was another round of cursing from Ziggy, followed by light laughter from Amari's phone. Apparently he hadn't been pressing hard enough on the mic.
"The reason for knocking?" Joe asked again, clearly not amused, but calmer than his partner.
"Uh, yeah." Amari scratched his head, then made sure to cover the phone tight with his palm. "I need someone to pick Yang ge up. He's trashed."
Joe reached for his phone and tapped the screen, muting their side of the conversation. "Why can't you pick him up?"
Amari shrugged, not really able to answer the question, but also not willing to go get him on his own. Joe paused, most likely assessing the situation in the bedroom, then sighed.
"I guess I better go then." He unmuted the phone and took it into the room with him. "Hey, this is a friend of Yangyang's." He searched around for his clothes as he spoke. "Amari isn't able to go out right now, so I'm coming to get him. Can you text me the location? I'll save your number and call you when I'm close."
There was quiet, then an okay and goodbye from Joe. After spending a few minutes in Ziggy's bedroom, he came back to the hallway, returning the phone.
"Maybe you don't want to go get him, but I'm bringing him back here, so prepare yourself. He doesn't need to go home to his son and mother completely wasted."
"Yeah, okay," Amari accepted with a nod, and Joe headed to the door, grabbing keys and some other things from the table. "Thanks. And sorry, for before. For the questions."
Joe grunted and left, leaving Amari standing awkwardly at the open door to Ziggy's room, his friend still sitting on the bed.
"Uh, sorry to you too, Zig." There was no response and he sighed, turning to head back to his own room.
"Minute, là," Ziggy called after him. "I'm not mad at you, hein? So you don't need to look like that."
Amari wasn't sure how he looked, but he tried to wipe any expressions from his face.
"I'm just nervous, tsé? I don't want something to go wrong, so I am trying to be careful. And you keep opening your big, grumpy mouth."
"Then that means... That means you really like him. Like, really like him." His tone was high and sweet, sincerely excited for his friend. A moment later a pillow hit him square in the face. "Shit Zig! You shouldn't throw things at blind people!"
"Then blind people shouldn't say the first thing that pops into their head, hein?" Ziggy groaned and Amari smiled, his first genuinely happy smile in weeks.
"So, this's real then?" he asked cautiously.
His friend sighed and Amari heard him fall back onto the mattress. "Oui, it's real."
He almost cheered. He wanted to rush over and hug the man, congratulating him for finally making a decent life choice, but since he had no idea what state the old pervert was in, he decided against it.
"Good. You deserve real. Oh, and go easy, hein? It wasn't long ago you were busted up in the hospital." He gave Ziggy a quick little wave as his friend grumbled at him, then headed back to his room.
His smile dimmed as he sat on the edge of his bed, thinking of how he would handle Yangyang when he came. A drunk Yangyang was clingy and honest, overemotional, and unfortunately no matter how plastered he was, he never lost his memory. He would remember everything that happened, and Amari felt trapped by the situation.
What made him get so wasted to begin with? The girl didn't sound like the partying type. Yangyang rarely drank, and when he did, he never did it to get drunk, so something had definitely triggered this.
After a while of contemplating, he heard the front door open, followed by a loud, deep shout. "A Li!"
Amari sighed and headed down the hallway to meet his fate.
"A Li!" This shout was excited, followed by a dramatic gasp. "A Li, where're your clothes?"
Instantly, Yangyang was wrapped around him. The smell of liquor overpowered everything else as he breathed heavy over his head. "It's cold! You shouldn't walk 'round naked."
"I'm not naked." Amari calmly attempted to pry Yangyang off of him. "Jesus, you're so drunk. Why'd you drink so much?"
He wanted to stay distant, but he couldn't stop himself from worrying.
"I'm going back to bed," said Joe, pausing as he walked past. "You have this?"
"Yeah, thanks."
Joe gave his shoulder a comforting pat, then disappeared into Ziggy's room. Amari took Yangyang's coat off as he tried to keep the man from climbing all over him.
"Shoes," he instructed, helping him untie his large boots and move them to the doorway.
He led him down the hall and into his room, sitting him at the end of the bed. "I'm gonna get a glass of water. Do you want anything else?"
Yangyang reached out and pulled Amari next to him, his grasp tight around his wrist. "Don't go," he begged. It was pouty and childish, but there was real fear behind it.
Amari crawled up onto the bed. "Yeah, okay. I'm not going anywhere," he promised. "You're really gone. You should sleep."
Yangyang grumbled and shifted to face Amari. "Don't wanna."
"Okay." It was impossible to win against a drunk Yangyang, so he surrendered. "Why'd you drink so much? Did something happen?"
"I love you," was the quiet reply, and Yangyang squeezed Amari's hand.
"You drank yourself into this state because you love me?"
Yangyang shifted closer. "No. You love me."
"So, you drank this much because I love you?" He unconsciously ran his fingers through Yangyang's hair, then pulled back. "That doesn't make any sense."
Yangyang groaned and fumbled around in his pockets, taking his phone out. After a few seconds, Amari heard his voice singing through the speakers.
'But if you knew the truth, then... then you wouldn't feel insecure...'
Amari waved at him to turn it off. "Fucking pervy old man. Now he's recording me from the hallway?"
Shifting closer, Yangyang's face was only inches away, his liquored breath hot against Amari's cheek.
"D'you mean it?" he asked anxiously.
"Yang ge. Don't I always mean it?" There was no response from Yangyang and Amari let out a small breath. "I always mean it."
A large forehead leaned against his, warm and a little sticky from sweat. "Then why? Why're you pushin' me away again?"
"I'm not pushing you away." It was a lie, and he regretted it the second it left his mouth. "I don't know why. I'm confused."
Yangyang nudged him. "Why?"
Amari felt tears well up in his eyes and his throat began to close.
"Fuck." It came out as barely a whisper, choked out through overwhelming emotions, and he slumped back onto the bed. "I'm just tired. I'm so fucking tired, and I don't know what to do about it."
Yangyang took his waist, sliding him closer, then pulled him to his chest. Amari's arms wrapped around his neck, legs around his waist, and he cried. Not great sobs, just a constant stream of tears down his face and a breath occasionally catching in his throat.
"It's tiring. But it'll go 'way soon." Yangyang rubbed his back, but Amari shook his head, sniffing.
"That's not what I mean. I'm tired from life. From living like this. From trying to always be this perfect, happy person."
He felt Yangyang tense up and the guilt piled on, but it was too late to take it back. Even with this awful feeling, he didn't want to take it back.