After a short while, the doctor returned. The plan was to keep Amari for at least another full twenty-four hours, to be sure the medication was suppressing the seizures, and to see if he could handle any residual side effects. After that, he could be discharged, but should wait at least another week before going back to work or doing anything strenuous. He would need to have supervision until they were sure the medication worked, and then he would need to come in for a two week follow-up. It was still possible to have future seizures, even with the medication, so he needed to learn how to handle those on his own.
It was a few minutes before Yangyang stopped whining, but he finally conceded that it was best for Amari to go home with Ziggy. Most of his friend's injuries had healed, and since he and Cate had alternating schedules and no other responsibilities, someone would always be there in case anything happened.
Yangyang was clearly not happy he wasn't able to take care of Amari, but in the end, he was persuaded not to waste his efforts from the past few months just for this. Amari also wanted to keep this a secret from Taitai for now, despite another argument from Yangyang, and they agreed to tell him that Amari just needed to recover at home for a while.
In reality, he was worried to tell Taitai the truth. He didn't want to scare the child, and he didn't want his image to change from strong and cool to sick and weak. He never wanted anyone to see him that way, but now he felt as if he was back to the beginning - all the progress he had made through counseling, along with the efforts to set his life on the right path, all thrown out the window.
After signing the power-of-attorney paperwork, Yangyang showed him where his guitar was, and the doctor agreed that playing would be a good test of motor functions. Then his heavy body hung on Amari for several minutes, clingy as always, before he reluctantly left.
Amari laid back in the bed, alone in the dark hospital room. He felt exhausted, and not just from the ordeal or the medication. He wondered how his life had come to this point - turned upside down again in only a moment. Part of him just wanted to act like a kid and have someone take care of him, tell him everything would be alright - someone he could lean on no matter what.
Ideally, that should be Yangyang, but the guilt he felt from even thinking about it ate away at him. He had played at being strong for so long, pushed everything down deep, but now it was all creeping back to the surface. Really, this was just a relationship between two anxious and insecure people, each attempting to control their weaknesses for the sake of the other. How was that supposed to work?
He shook the thoughts from his head. One thing at a time. He grabbed his phone off the bedside table and called the VIBE center, then Joe, explaining the situation and letting them know he wouldn't be able to work. Next, he called Ziggy, updating him and telling him his plan to stay home for a while.
"Are you sure that's what you want to do? You're not planning on running away again, hein?"
"We'll be in the same apartment, Zig. Where'm I gonna go?"
Ziggy sighed. "Coudon, you know that's not what I meant." His voice was low, more serious than usual, playing his rare father role. "Yangyang would probably die from anxiety if you started avoiding him again."
"Hey Zig. How about you fuck off and let me handle my own life?" He didn't want to talk about it - not because his friend was wrong, but because he was afraid he might be right.
Ziggy chuckled, but there wasn't anything cheerful or playful about it. "And there he is. The old Scotty. It's been a long time, tsé?"
"Just come pick me up when I need you to," Amari instructed with a frustrated sigh.
He hung up and let out a long, heavy breath, laying his head back onto the pillow.
::Fuck.::
He had pushed the old version of himself as far away as he could, but that shitty, asshole, runaway was still there. He hated that even now his first reaction was to hide, relieving himself of the guilt that came from being a burden and ruining someone else's life by forcing his problems on them.
Now it was different. There was no situation left where he wouldn't feel guilty toward Yangyang and Taitai. He had become so attached, so involved, that anything he did now would leave him feeling like a selfish piece of shit.
::Fuck.::
He couldn't think about it right now. His head was still foggy and he was too emotional to be making important life decisions.
Instead, he grabbed his guitar and started strumming. He played some random chords for a while, coaxing his fingers to pluck the way he wanted, and when he became more comfortable, he started singing.
Amari frowned after the first verse, realizing he was singing Please Keep Loving Me.
::What the fuck... Fuck you subconscious.::
He had become too accustomed to singing how he felt, and love songs really were the only ones left in his mind. Now even his subconscious was begging Yangyang not to leave him. He was going to push the man away, but he needed him to stay.
If only life's problems really could be solved with a song, he would just never stop singing. If that's all it took, he could sing every love song he had ever heard, every day, for the rest of his life.
He hadn't been paying attention and didn't notice the footsteps in the doorway. There was light clapping as the nurse entered the room.
::Fuuuuck.::
Amari set the guitar down next to the bed with a frown.
"That was so good!" exclaimed the nurse, a young woman who, from the sound of her voice, couldn't be much older than him. "Was that for the man who was here before? So sweet."
"Uh, yeah, I guess... I didn't really plan to sing it. It just came out."
The nurse checked his IV, then his vitals. "Isn't that even sweeter? To be in love like that, and singing without even thinking about it."
Another person joined her, introducing themself as someone from phlebotomy.
"That man was so adorable," the nurse continued as Amari had his blood drawn. "He was so attached to you, he barely left your side. He slept next to you, he wiped your sweat away, he soothed you back to sleep when you had a seizure..." She let out a jealous sigh. "Ahhh, I wish I had a relationship like that."
Amari forced a little smile and nodded. It was sweet, and Yangyang was beyond in love. He knew she was saying it to brag on him, trying to make Amari feel good, but it only had the opposite effect.
He let out a sigh of relief when the two finally left and rolled over, hiding himself under the stiff hospital sheet. He had been sleeping for two days, but right now all he really want to do was pass out so he wouldn't have to think about anything.