Im pulling on a comfy white t-shirt and black Jeans trying hard not to think about what Natalie wants to talk about, I sigh defeated as thoughts flood my mind making me feel weak. I brush my finger through my brown mop of hair, grab my phone and walk out the door.
Me and Natalie have had this meeting place ever since we became friends, its a secluded clearing in the forest surrounding our town. It doesnt sound beautiful, but it truly is, on a clear night you can lay on the soft green grass and look up at the twinkling stars. You can forget all your worries and just exist, just be. Maybe it isnt something permanent but its our haven and its our escape from reality.
I make my way through the trees and into the clearing to see shining fairy lights hanging in the trees and a midnight picnic laid out on a checkered blanket. My heart begins to race, and a million questions swim it my head, what was this about? What did she want to tell me? And the most dilutional question of all, does Natalie like me? I stop to take in the site but also to steady my breathing, it had grown rapid and I can hear my uneven breathing in my ears.
I step into the clearing, a' half-fake smile plastered onto my face (but she doesnt need to know that), even though I took the time to control my breathing my heart is racing a million miles an hour. Natalie is nowhere in sight.
Thats when I feel a light tap on my left shoulder, I spin around to see Natalie standing there smirking at me, my breathing hitches. She is stunning. Dressed in a navy-blue silk slit dress, moonlight danced and shining on her hair and skin making her glow, she absolutely takes my breath away. I try not to stare-but damn she is beautiful. Im smirking down at her, the cool relaxed calm spreading across my face as I took her in.
hello I whisper.
Her smirk turns into something shy at the sound of my voice, I try not to be filled with satisfaction.
hello Sam she smiles up at me, my breathing hitches again at the way she says my name and all my thoughts, all my questions fade away, leaving me hollow but happy.
Im standing here in the clearing with the girl I have liked for approximately five years, it feels surreal. This feeling is overwhelming, Im drowning.
Even though she is smiling I can tell she is nervous by the twitch in her left hand, Ive come to know her traits, maybe its me being too observant or maybe its me being a good friend. Whatever it is, its making me nervous, something about her twitch is infectious. Im holding my breath hoping she doesnt notice my face turning blue from the effort.
She moves in closer, till Im going cross-eyed with the effort of looking at her. I breath in her perfume, its intoxicating. I smile down at her. She smiles back letting her hands reach up and rest on my chest. I stop breathing, does she like me? Is she going to ask me out? These questions flood my consciousness. We stare into each other eyes and I see the thing I love most of all shining in them, hope.
I begin to speak, "Natalie I-" she cuts me off.
shush she whispers looking up at me with a smile that makes her face glow with inner light.
I look into her eyes more intently, thats when I see past the hope, into the burning heart of her, thats when I see the cracks in the mask she is wearing.
Concern floods my every nerve, until my brows scrunch up and Im reaching for her hand, for contact-for reassurance I remind myself, nothing more. She pulls away and steps back, my hand grabs cool night air. I step toward her, but she is already walking to the picnic laid out, she sits down and gestures with a sweeping hand for me to do the same. I oblige and take a seat opposite her.
I begin to speak but she cuts me off again, damn girl wont let me get a word in.
"I wanted you to be the first to know" she says looking down at her lap.
With no context I am having a hard time trying to follow along, know what? I ask.
"I-umm" she blushes, Im surprised because she never blushes.
I let her get her bearings and wait patiently for her to continue.
"I have a crush" she blurts. She blushes harder.
Im confused, thats all I really feel at this moment. Since when did Natalie start liking guys, or people in general? I wonder
I realize that Ive been staring blankly at her, in my own world and Natalie takes that as something concerning-maybe it is, I havent figured that out myself.
"say something" she whispers.
"I... ahh-well" I stumble.
I dont know what to say, honest, theres nothing in my brain to even speak aloud. So, I just sit there confused, not saying a word.
"youre not going to like what I say next" she says.
I have a feeling Im really, not going to like it.
"Sooo I like Matt"
"MATT!" I scream.
"No! just-just no, never in a million years!" I stutter, hand running through my hair, its a nervous reaction I have.
"please Sam, let me explain" Natalie pleads.
I cant, I just cant be here right now, I must leave, cool down, maybe even jump into a lake.
I stand up but Natalie grabs my wrist in protest. Her grip is strong.
"you know how I feel about Matt, you know I hate him!" I scream.
She doesnt let my wrist go, "please Sam-please"
I shake my head, my confusion had faded turning into blind anger, if I didnt leave now there no telling what I might do.
I yank my wrist out of Natalies hand and storm towards the tree line, not looking back once
Maybe it wasnt just the hate I had for Matt spurring me on, maybe just maybe it was the fact the Natalie likes someone-and that someone isnt me.