Me: Meet me at the station in 15
Troy: No
Me: Why not?
Troy: Unlike some crazy cursed people, I actually have a date on Valentine's day
Me: Bring her/ him, it won't take long
Troy: SHE is not getting anywhere near you
I was typing my reply to that rude comment when another text came in
Troy: Yet
I rolled my eyes.
Me: Need a favor
Jeremy: No
Me: Why not?
Jeremy: I'm on a date :)
"Argh!" I yelled into the car at large. Suit lifted an eyebrow. Leslie started and her husband groaned.
"Why does everybody have a date tonight?" I grumbled. "I need one tiny favor and all of the sudden everyone is busy."
"Isn't it Valentine's day?" Leslie asked.
"Yep."
Leslie looked at Suit in the rearview mirror confused at my answer.
"She doesn't like Valentine's day. She thinks she is cursed." Suit explained.
Leslie nodded like that completely filled in all the gaps in the story.
"Leslie." I said and waited for her to look at me. "Did you de-man your man?" I asked.
"No." she said flatly.
"Then why did he charge you with that in great detail I might add?" I asked.
"He was mad because I caught him cheating with Sherry from the donut shop." She spit out.
"Dolly Parton Sherry?" I asked. You can guess where that nickname came from.
"That is the one." Leslie confirmed. "When I confronted him about it he thought I had found out about Charlotte." Leslie continued.
"Charlotte from the diner?" I asked. "Aren't they sisters?" I asked.
"Uh huh." Leslie confirmed again. "Sherry and Charlotte came over to confront Daryl and he accidentally called Sherry Janeece, and when Charlotte slapped him for the mix up he said, 'Damn Kate, why'd you do that?'" Leslie said the last part in a mocking deep voice. "So we wrestled him to the bed and tied him to the headboard." I really tried to stifle the giggle as I glanced at Suit. I could see his lips twitching. I immediately turned my head back to the windshield.
"How long did you leave him there?" I asked with a pretty even voice.
"5 days. One day for each woman he was sleeping with including me. We each took turns making sure he had food and water. We let him use a bedpan." She said as one would say she let him watch his favorite team.
"Why did he accuse you of emasculating him?" I hesitantly asked not really sure if I wanted to know the answer but not being able to resist.
"Well." She paused glancing at him, "We kind of did." She stated.
"You kind of did?" I asked. "How do you kind of emasculate someone?" I glanced at Suit to see him shaking his head.
"We dressed him up in slut clothes and put on make-up, waxed his body and made him dance to boyband music. It seemed like a good idea at the time." I could not hold it in any longer. I busted out with a loud laugh which roused Daryl who sat up awkwardly.
"Does he, uhm, still have," I had to wait for my laughter to die down to finish, "Does he, is he … did you neuter him?" I finally got out. Tank whined, Suit grimaced and Daryl blanched.
"No, that was Daryl making up stories so they would arrest me." Darly actually blushed at that.
I remembered one of the goons saying he shot Daryl. I turned to him and asked, "Do you need to go to the ER?" he shook his head.
"Didn't you get shot?" I asked.
"No." he said sullenly. "My jacket got shot but it didn't even graze me." I laughed wondering if that was on purpose or if whoever did it was that bad of a shot. "You look kinda banged up." I stated.
"I don't need no damn ER woman!" he yelled at me. I did my best impression of a librarian staring down loud whispers in a library and said very calmly, "I thought you would have learned how to speak to a woman with a little more respect." I turned to Leslie, "Do you have your girls on a group chat?" Daryl winced. I smirked.
I turned back to face the front right as we pulled up to the police station hopefully for the last time tonight. I was a heartbeat away from successfully completing my to do list for the day without any major injuries. I looked at the dashboard clock. 7:41 pm.
We escorted Leslie in for processing and I asked if I could have a few minutes with her in an interpretation room, excuse me I meant interview room. These guys owe me some favors so after some hem hawing they let me have it..
"Ten minutes Nor." I was warned. "Less if any brass comes in." I really doubted any brass would come in since the Police Chief was my uncle and I knew for a fact that he and Aunt Evelyn were on a date tonight. Uncle Ron always made it a point to take her to the fancy smancy restaurant in the city where you cannot get out for less than $100 per person. And there was the fact that he was my uncle.
I sat down across from Leslie. She looked nervous.
"Don't worry, this is not official, I am just curious and I wanted to ask you questions away from Darly." she seemed to relax a bit.
"Tell me about the drugs." I jumped right in.
"Well," she looked around at the room and then at the two-way mirror, then back at me. She cleared her throat and then said,'' I missed my court date because I was detained." she started. I waited for her to continue. "I got a phone call from Daryl on the way. He was livid that I had taken the car and demanded I come back immediately. I asked him why and he said it didn't matter just get back with the car. Although he used a lot more colorful language than that." She paused.
"Anyway, I thought that was suspicious so I pulled over and started searching the car. I thought I might find some other woman's underwear or something. But I found drugs in the trunk where the spare tire's supposed to go. It wasn't even very well hidden. Daryl ain't that smart." I just nodded to encourage her to continue.
"I was so mad that I took them out and hid them in the neighbors trash a few blocks from our house. Daryl stormed out of the house as I pulled up and took off. I grabbed some bags and went back to get the drugs. I brought them home and stored them in the dishwasher. I know Daryl would never look there. I don't think he even knows we have a dishwasher."
"What happened when Daryl got back to your house?"
"He didn't show up. Some really big guys came and took me to the warehouse where you found me."
"Goons." I said.
"What?" she asked.
"Goons. The really big guys-I call them goons."
"Oh. That does seem to fit them. Where do they come from? Is there a goon factory? They all look alike."
"I know right?" I agreed emphatically. "They do all look alike. Maybe they are defunct storm troopers. Too big for the suits so they got demoted to Goons."
"Some kind of test tube experiments." She added giggling. I couldn't help but join her.
"They left me in the cage for a long time. I had to pee so bad when this man who was dressed really nice. He had one of those mustaches that looks like either a 70's detective or pornstar. He asked me where the 'his merchandise' was. "She air quoted as she spoke. "I asked him if I could pee and get some food if I told him. He agreed so I told him. He let me pee right away but i didn't get food until they came back with the 'merchandise.'" she air quoted again.
"They didn't hurt you?" I asked.
"Not at all."
"Did you recognize the pornstar?" I asked. She shook her head. "Ever see Daryl around any of the goons before?" I asked. She continued shaking her head.
"Okay. Thanks for telling me the story, you didn't have to and I appreciate it." I told her as I stood.
She touched my arm as I opened the door, "Hey, Daryl kept yelling at us when we had him, you know, occupied, that we had no idea what kind of trouble we were causing. I thought he meant he would get revenge on us somehow at the time but I think he might have been referring to the stash." I nodded.
"You're probably right."
It felt good to be back in the driver's seat, Suit riding shotgun and Tank settled in the back seat. I drove over to the bail bond office. I thought I could finish the paperwork for the day's work and Suit's car was there so he could do whatever Batman stuff he needed to do.
"You gonna fill me in?" He asked. I gave him an abbreviated version as I drove. I pulled into the back lot to park the Rover. We all got out and started for the back door of the office when I heard Tank whine like he was in pain. I turned to see what happened and my vision went dark as some kind of hood or case was pulled over my head. I immediately leaned my body weight forward and threw the guy over my bent body and whipped the hood off to see Suit on the ground out cold right before I felt a jolt of electricity radiating from my trapezoid muscle. Well crap-I almost made it. I went down to my knees before falling over into darkness.