I can't tell if I slept soundly or if I didn't sleep at all.
So many things rushed through my head the whole night.
What happened with Cai. How I survived it. The cut that was inflicted on Altan's arm -I watched as Healer Gobi stitched him up without anesthetic-, or the fact that Altan laid beside me in bed all night. I thought about what my future holds now, and what the repercussions of my actions will mean now.
I chose Altan.
I mean, I told him I was choosing him, but when war broke out between him and Cai, I chose to fight on Altan's side. Cai even said that he didn't plan to kill me. But how could I have trusted that?
And the look of relief on Altan's face when it was over?
that crease that he's been wearing between his brows for the last couple of days, the one that told me he was unsure about me... It was gone for the first time when he kissed my forehead, when he took me back to his bed, even though I didn't have to sleep there anymore.
Yet, even with all of those raging thoughts, I somehow slept like a log. For the first time in I-don't-know-how-long there isn't someone chasing me down. And there isn't the threat of death at my door. Not to mention, It's the first time I've slept on a real-ass bed in for-like-ever.
When I wake in the morning, it's from the first rays of sun that peak at me through the tan-colored sand dunes out of Altan's windows. They cast a warm yellow light into the room that is accompanied by a cool breeze, the feeling of it reminding me of Autumn when I was a child.
I pull the blankets on the bed up under my chin, and burrow into the warmth, careful not to get too close to Altan's sleeping form. I can see his arm that is hooked over the blankets and the newly sewn up wound there.
He's lucky it wasn't deeper. He's lucky that it wasn't someplace else.
I startle when I hear a soft knock on the door. Then I silently pull myself out of bed, careful not to wake Altan, then dash across the room.
To my surprise, Dilera is on the other side of the door.
"I'm sorry to wake you." she whispers, and I peak behind me to make sure Altan is still asleep. "But we need to start preparing you for the ceremony, now."
"The ceremony?" I repeat, but I already know what she's talking about. My wedding ceremony.
My stomach does an uneasy flip. But not for the reasons it used to. Before, I detested the idea of a marriage I wasn't agreeing to... But that's not the issue anymore. I've accepted my fate in that area. But it's the other parts of getting married that make me nervous now. I'll have to stand in front of royals and family and hundreds of other people and pledge my fake love to Altan... I'll have to kiss him in front of people. I'll have to start acting like a Duchess.
I suddenly wish I had had a few more lessons with Amah on how to properly act like a royal. All I know is to keep my chin up but my eyes down, and to only speak when spoken to...
~I'm gonna be really bad at this.~
Dilera nearly yanks me out of Altans room and drags me into my own bedchambers where a plethora of maidservants and ~speak-of-the-devil~ Amah is waiting for me.
They throw me into a hot bath, scrub down every inch of my bare skin, then yank me back out into the cold air and towel me dry. One of the maidservants hand feeds me my breakfast while the others brush my hair, apply things to my face and skin to make me bonzed and shiny, and one girl even draws an intricate art pattern up my arm using something that looks like henna, but comes out blue instead of brown. Amah informs me it's a wedding tradition in Pani Rastra, and I just nod as half of a fig is pushed into my mouth.
As they continue to prep me for the ceremony Amah paces back and forth in front of me with her hands behind her back. lecturing me on all the things I should and should not do.
Smile at the guests: yes.
Talk to the guests about anything but pleasentries: no.
Dance with Altan: yes.
Dance with others: no.
Eat food: no.
Breath: no.
"Jeeze, if you want me to be a statue, you could just say so." I finally say, when I become exhausted with her rediculous rules.
Amah's eyebrows flare and her face turns red. "You." she starts, and points a finger at me. "Are an ungrateful girl! Why the Duke has chosen to marry you, I can't comprehend! But you WILL do as you are told! If you make a mockery of this wedding and His Grace. I will personally pluck each of those pretty eyelashes form your eyes!"
I flinch at her words and her analogy.
I knew Amah didn't like me, and the animosity she held toward me definitely seemed to have grown since my return to the castle. But I didn't realize it was this bad..
~Is she even allowed to talk to me like that?~
I look to the other maidservants but they are studiously ignoring our interaction.
So I meet Amah's eyes. "I'll do the best I can." I answer her.
"Good" She stands up straight, "Because it's time to move to the ceremony hall."
My eyes grow wide, "already?"
~But I'm not ready yet...~
I look down at myself, and I'm wrong. I'm ready. My blue wedding dress that Altan prepared is wrapped around me so tightly that I can barely breath, the blue henna on my arms has dried and been removed already, leaving beautiful intricate designs up my arms. My hair is dry and sitting in perfect curls on the sides of my head and a simple golden tiarra is placed atop my head shimmering with rubies and pearls; the gems of Ot Ulut and Pani Rastra.
~Shit, I'm ready.~
But before I can really comprehend that, I'm brought to my feet and hurried out a door.
"erm, Amah.." I begin as we scurry through the hallways, a large group of guards surround me and all my lady's maids.
She looks back at me over her shoulder.
"Can you just run through with me, how a wedding ceremony usually goes, and what exactly I have to do?" I stutter, and I see her crunch her eyebrows at the question.
"Dear Vohan," she says under her breath, "you are hopless."