Numb.
All I felt was numb as I followed Cai to the edge of town, as he stole a horse, and as we rode off into the desert; likely in a different direction than our decoys. I wasn't sure if I was sad, scared, or angry for what Altan had done to me and what the man in front of me could do. All I knew is I had too many feelings, and it made me feel numb.
I held onto Cai's cloak in front of me as we rode. I didn't take notice at how I seemed to be slightly better at riding a horse than I was the first time I rode. I didn't notice much of anything, actually. The sun moved overhead of us and the day went by. I never noticed if I was hungry or thirsty. When Cai stopped to pull water from the clouds he made me drink, and I did only because I was told to.
~I don't know what to do anymore. God, this world is so scary! there is no one I can trust here, and it feels like everyone just wants to use me as a pawn in some political chess game.~
"We are here." Cai spoke when the sun had nearly set, the sky was a color or chartreuse and the stars were peeking out. Cai had been just about as quiet as I had the whole trip. I think maybe he understood my mood.
"Oh." I looked up and saw before me some kind of settlement. "Is this..." Cai helped me from the horse, "A town?"
"No." he wiped at my face with his thumb as if I were a child that had chocolate on her face. That likely wasn't possible, we hadn't eaten anything today. "this is just an 'in between' spot. Traders come from different towns in all directions to sell their goods here."
What he said made sense. There certainly weren't any homes here. It was mostly wagons, camels, horses, small wooden stands and others made of sand stone, and like he said, lots of goods. One man sold baskets, another woman was selling chickens, and another had a wagon filled to the brim with colorful fruits. My stomach growled when I looked at the fruits, but I didn't ask Cai for them. instead, I just followed him like a quiet child.
We settled outside the trading area. A small group of men were sitting around a fire drinking a liquor that reminded me of my last night with Altan. Cai and I sat around the fire with them where he offered me some fruit that didn't look nearly as delicious as the ones I had seen earlier. Still, I took it and ate it. The men at the fire offered us some of the lamb stew they were cooking and we excepted graciously.
"What is it you want?" Cai asked me in the dark of the night. The other men around the fire departed shortly after offering us the last of the stew. and by departed, I mean that they moved to some blankets on the ground not too far from the fire and immediately started snoring.
"What do you mean?" I countered and took another sip of the sweet broth.
"Since we heard your fiancé in that tunnel." he looked away from me and stared up at the stars instead, "you've been acting different. Maybe like you regretted escaping?"
I began to shake my head, but didn't open my mouth. I didn't feel like explaining myself to him.
"I can take you back if you want." he said, and his words surprised me, "Of course I'd have to kill you, if I did that."
~Of course. It's not really much of an option then, is it?~
"That's not what I want." My voice sounded tired when it came out and Cai looked at me when I spoke.
"Then what is it?" he met my eyes and I didn't like that he was seemingly kind. I looked at the dying fire to avoid eye contact and watched the hot coals that reminded me of Altan's eyes.
"Tell me what you know about the Duke." I said, and changed the subject.
Cai chuckled, "I know what everyone else does."
"And what is that?"
He looked back toward the sky and sighed, he looked a bit like a painting with the plethora of stars behind him and his long black hair blowing in the breeze. "I know he is favored by the Emperor of Ot Ulut. His father was as well, his father was a general in the War of Old and was known for his ruthless treatment of the Water Mage captives from the war."
I blinked at the information. I still knew nothing about the War of Old.
"Your Duke tries to follow in his father's footsteps in everyway. He is known for his cruelty and deceptiveness. Many Water Mages have died at his hands simply for existing."
My heart hurt with the information.
~Is it true?~
"Then why would he want to marry a Water Mage?" I asked.
Cai's face turned to me again and his eyebrows creased, "You don't know why?"
~It's probably obvious, isn't it?~
"Uhhh," I began, "well, I grew up very sheltered in a very secluded area, so I don't know much about politics.."
Cai's eyebrows raised, "And where was that?"
"erm, Sandwip!" I answered quickly. It was an island in Pani Rastra that I had memorized the name of... I memorized it mostly cause it sounded like the word "sandwich."
"Sandwip?"
"Yep." I didn't look at him and I assumed he could see right through my lie, "But anyway, you're not answering my question!"
Cai paused and then laughed, "Alright, he wants to marry a Water Mage because that is how one ends a war."
My head whipped to him, "What? how does that-"
"It was decreed centuries ago that if there was a royal marriage between two warring nations that the war would come to an end." he shrugged, "I guess if you love a person enough to marry them you can't hate the nation they're from."
"But that doesn't make sense. then, wouldn't my marrying Altan be a good thing? why do you want the war to continue?"
Cai's face turned to something more serious, "The nation that first marries, does not just end the war... they win the war."
"oh..."
~So Altan was about to win a whole huge war just by marrying some lady he found in the desert?... dang.~
"Do you get it now?" Cai asked.
I nodded my head, "Well.... what about you?"
"What about me?"
I shrugged, "You told me what everyone thinks about the Duke.. What does everyone think about you?"
Cai's eyes flashed in my direction and I couldn't tell if I had made him angry with that question or not. "You don't need to know anything about me."
~All the more reason for me to get away from you as soon as possible.~