Ava's POV
"Where the fuck are you now?!" Derek shouted from the other line the moment I picked up my phone. I closed my eyes and gulped to calm my nerves.
"I'm in the grocery Derek. I told you last night I need to buy things-" my voice trailed off when I heard something crashing in the background. Plates.
"Be home in 15 minutes or I'll beat the living shit out of you!" He hissed and he hung up the phone derisively.
I took a deep breath to calm myself as I stare blankly at the phone in my hand. With utmost urgency, I left the cart full of stuff in the side aisle of the grocery, saying sorry to the few people looking at me.
I look up at the sky, it's dark and the rain is pouring. I don't have a choice so I went outside immediately running in the rain to my car.
I drive as fast as I could but having this kind of weather, I cannot avoid the traffic. If only I can do some magic tricks to have the other cars go away, I would because I know what's waiting for me at home.
Tapping my fingernails on the steering wheel, my phone vibrated yet again, making me jump in surprise "Fuck" I whispered. I answered it without hesitation when I saw Derek's name on it.
"I'm on my way, Derek. I'm so sorry. Please don't be mad at me." I pleaded and felt the tension around me, I feel like hyperventilating so I rolled down the window to get some air.
"I am fucking furious, Ava! Are you that stupid to not know what 15 minutes mean?! You're pissing me off you slut!" He shouted in the other line, I feel like crying but I managed to compose myself. Crying will only make it worst.
"I know. I'm sorry-" I said softly not wanting to madden him further, again Derek hung up on me on the phone.
I turned mine off and threw it on the passenger seat "Fuck this life!" I screamed inside the car louder than intended.
I wanted to say, Fuck you, Derek! but never had the backbone to talk back to him like that. I never could and I know I never will.
My beloved father died 3 years ago after only a week of being diagnosed with cancer, leaving me and my mother in agony and mourning. I was only 22 then and still studying journalism. After dad was buried, I found out that mom has been going behind my father's back for years, buying stuff without his consent. She became addicted to things she can't afford and it resulted in her, spending everything my father saved up for years of hard work.
She spends most of her time with her friends, shopping, and going out to casinos like rich people always do and I just woke up one day without anything left of us. We were in a lot of debt to my father's associates. Our house in New York had been used as collateral, together with our cars and everything in value.
Derek is the son of mom's wealthiest friend, his grandfather wants to marry him off because he believes Derek would be responsible once he had his own family to support, and that's when his grandfather will give him his share of the company. Mom found the opportunity as a good one and introduced me to the Carlson family. Mrs. Carlson liked me for her son and arranged the wedding immediately.
To make the story short, I've been married to Derek Carlson for three years. My mother gained not just a family connection with our marriage, but a lot of properties and money too, enough to spend on luxurious things and travels again. She never even asked me if I'm okay with it or I would be happy. She just never cared.
We barely talk now, she only calls me when she runs out of money, or when she needs to remind me to be a good wife to my husband. To take good care of our family connection, and to make Derek happy.
I was tied to a man who never showed even a bit of affection towards me. He never cared and he told me that multiple times. The worst part of it all is that- he's abusing me. Telling me things I never wanted to hear. I've been emotionally and mentally abused and no one seems to care.
Sometimes I wonder if my mom ever loved me or my dad. I never heard her say I love you to any of us over the years. On the contrary, dad did nothing but love her and take care of her unconditionally, and my dad loves me very much too. I am proud of him, and I miss him especially in these times. If he was here, he'd never allow my mother to marry me off, because he would want me to marry the person I love.
I'm scared of Derek. Period. He's a good man to his friends, but never to me. I don't know why he hates me so much, but I don't want to know either. He constantly tells me that no one will love me because I'm weak and stupid, sometimes I want to believe him. That love for me will never come around. And every day, I'm hating my mom and missing my dad so much. I am literally in hell and my husband is the devil. And I don't know how to get out.
I parked my car and went outside immediately not caring if the rain is pouring heavily. Completely soaked in rainwater, I run inside the house, clutching my purse and phone. When I opened the door, Derek's fist landed on the side of my stomach, making me wince in pain.
"Ahh!" I screamed and crouched in pain on the floor. I had my eyes shut as I wait for the searing pain on my side to go away.
"You wasted 30 fucking minutes Ava! Have you forgotten how important my time is?! Are you that stupid?!" He growled like a beast and he takes a handful of my hair and pulls me, he threw me into the couch slamming my back on something hard and it hurts like hell.
"I- I'm so sorry." I stutter. Too afraid of what he will do next, I just kept saying sorry. To my surprise, he slapped me hard on the cheek that I saw stars and I tasted blood on my lips. My eyes are shut and I'm breathing heavily "Please Derek. Sto-"
"Stop? Huh!? You should have thought about that earlier when you decided to leave me without breakfast!" He shouted again.
I sob and tried to wipe the tears that keep rolling down my cheeks "I fixed you a meal Derek, it's in the fridge I left a note." I tried to explain but failed. Every part of me hurts especially my heart and my ego as a woman.
"You think I'll eat something cold?! Do you expect me to heat it by myself?!" He asked bending down so our face will be leveled and still grabbing a fistful of my hair, I closed my eyes again.
"I'll heat it for you." I choked on my own words.
Derek let go of me derisively and I scurried and crawl away from him. When I know it's safe to stand, I did and hurried to the kitchen. I opened the fridge and took the bowl of egg soup that I made this morning and heat it up in the microwave as I cry to myself.
I listen to him as he talks on his phone like nothing ever happened. He was proud and jolly like he didn't just beat a woman with his bare hands. I wiped my face with a wet towel and sniffed. I tried to stop myself from crying but my tears are stubborn and don't want to stop "Stop crying." I whispered to myself.
The microwave beeps and I took out the hot bowl in my hand and placed it on the table, I prepared a toast and orange juice and arranged everything on the table. Derek hangs up his phone and sat on his chair. He looks at me blankly and I tried my best to avoid his gaze and sat across him on the table. It should be like this every day. I will just wait for him to finish eating without doing anything.
"Clean it up," he said, throwing me the table napkin as he leaves.
I did what I was told and runs up to my room wiping my tears when I finished cleaning up. I locked my room and removed my clothes and run under the shower immediately. I can still feel his hands on my arms and it burns in my skin, making me shiver in fear and disgust.
I just sat there under the shower as I let the cold water wash away the pain that I'm feeling in my body and the massive sadness in my heart. After a while, I covered myself and walked out of the shower. I approach my wall of remembrance and stare blankly at the map of the world pinned on it. I traced the red line I drew on the space between New York and Spain.
"I wish you were here," I said softly and closed my eyes remembering the face of the boy who has the most beautiful eyes, "Lucas," I called his name softly. My lifeline.