Through a set of glass and wooded framed windows, I watched my best friend depart for Lockwood, leaving me behind. Guilt and worry rowed within me while second thoughts surfaced as to letting Jade drive back alone.
What if something happens to her on the way? The roads were slippery as snow claimed its territory. She drove back unwillingly, fuming mad and upset. Would anger deter her focus? Wait, that won't happen, she was a good driver, a careful one. Surely she wouldn't be that's stupid. But still?
"Don't worry about her. She's temperamental but not stupid. She'll get back safely." Aunt cassie said from behind me. I looked back stunned that she read my mind. She appeared totally calm for a mother who sent her daughter alone on a two hours' drive back home in the snow. On the other hand, I was freaking inside out.
It was around this time five years ago I drove myself off a cliff. I was told that it snowed that day, not that I remember.
But I wasn't stupid either. I never drove in the rain, much less in the snow.
I pressed my hands on my head as a familiar pain roared to life. Whenever I pushed myself to remember the what happened that day, my head erupted in agony, daring me to push past the pain and continue. Never once did I succeed. The pain was excruciating and always won over my poor resolve.
"Riv, I'm sorry for asking you to skip work. But I couldn't let you go. Not like this." Aunt Cassie came over to where I was after cleaning up breakfast. We both walked towards her sofa and sat, me with a coffee in one hand and a blanket in the other.
"Its okay. Besides, I'm pretty sure those guys are celebrating my absence. I'm one mean boss you know" I replied, giving her the eye and spreading the blanket over my cold feet.
"Ok then. You know how this works, no lies and don't worry cuz your secret's safe with me. Lets start at the very beginning. How often does this happen?" Righty. She meant business.
"Since this month, it happened once a week" I replied genuinely. I had nothing to hide and sooner I get this fixed, the faster I can get back to my life.
"When did it start?"
"Two years ago."
At that she stopped and gawked at me. I could feel the shock, hurt and anger rolling off her even from where I sat. She shook her head and slumped back in to her chair, rubbing her hands in circles around her temple. I didn't know what to say so I kept my mouth shut, hoping she'd break the strained silence.
I watched her brush her hair back and lean-off the sofa while fixing a neutral face. "What did you do the first time when you found out that you bled? And please tell me anything you felt or experienced after the blood loss."
"I did what anyone else would have done. I panicked. Then I came to my senses and took a doctor's appointment. As to what I felt, nothing. I felt nothing except a little tired and sleepy."
"What did that doctor tell you?" She asked, leaning forward and focusing all her attention on me so that she doesn't miss a single detail.
"He told me I overworked myself. That it was just stress."
"And? Did you believe him?"
I laughed. "Of course I did. He's a doctor, isn't he? He was supposed to be right."
"What happened next?"
"He prescribed some medicine and told me to rest for a couple of days before going to work. I didn't want to believe that work got me sick because I loved my job. But I took a leave and stayed-in anyways. Just like he said, I was fine before I even knew it. So I went back to work and everything was fine until one month later, it happened again. I knew it couldn't be stress cuz I was careful not to overwork myself. I practically sat around, issuing commands and doing nothing. The part-timers did all the work. That is when I realized it was something else." I finished, releasing a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"Mhm... If you were to put these situations in a sequence, how would you describe their frequency? Can you think of a possible pattern? Or, any common factor, something which stayed the same whenever you experienced this?"
I sipped my coffee to buy time to think my answer through.
Silver eyes. They were constant.
"A nightmare," I answered instead.
"What nightmare?" She asked, intrigued.
"Every time I woke up and found myself in blood, I dreamt a nightmare. Every time the same thing over and over again."
"Progress!" Aunt Cass exclaimed happily. "Define your nightmare."
I casually shrugged. "It's nothing much really. I picture myself running. That's all it is." I avoided mentioning the trees, lack of light, my injuries and the silver eyes. For some reason, I didn't want to tell her that. Specifically, the last one.
"You're lying" She spat bluntly.
"What? Why would I lie?" I tried my best to sound as innocent as possible but it wasn't easy when the women sitting in front of you was the one that practically raised you.
"I'm sorry, do we live in different worlds? Since when did running become a nightmare?"
She had a point. I couldn't believe I didn't think this through. She caught me red-handed. "Well, I don't remember much. It's always a blur when I wake up. I just know that I'm running." I lied, hoping it would suffice.
"You can't call running a nightmare unless you running out of fear. And you promised to tell me the truth"
"It's a stupid nightmare Aunt Cass. Don't worry about it." I hope she got the point that I didn't want to talk about this yet. Aunt Cass wasn't intrusive, nor stupid. She was an expert in counselling so she gave me space with a warning.
"They say dreams come true, River. Just don't forget that nightmares are dreams too." I looked at her shocked. She couldn't be serious, could she?
"I think its enough for today. Oh my, look how much time had passed. It's almost lunch. Do you want to stay over or shall I drop you home?"
"Aunt Cass, you don't drive in the snow" I said remembering. In fact, I got my Rain/Snow driving phobia from her.
"Well, how else are you planning on getting home? We can ask Jade, but that early bird might have left for the hospital by now"
I couldn't help but laugh. It was always adorable when she tried to insult Jade but couldn't stop being proud of the fact that her daughter was a doctor just like she was. Hell, even I'm proud to have a doctor as my best buddy so how can her mother not?
"I can catch a cab. I'll be fine" I said standing up and walking over to the dishwasher.
"This doesn't feel right. I'll come with you and take the cab back here." The urgency in her voice snapped my attention. I stopped scrubbing the coffee mug and looked at her. "Do you have any idea how expensive that would be, not that you care but I'll never sleep in peace if you waste money on me like that? I saw a few cabs circling the area when we drove here so don't worry. I'll get home in one piece and give you a call."
I hushed her when she tried to argue and wiped my hands on the cotton napkin, placing it neatly on the counter. The longer I stayed, the more difficult it was going to be to say good-bye. So I grabbed my coat off the hanger and turned to kiss Aunt Cass good-bye.
"Give me a ring as soon as you reach home ok. I'm a phone call away if something happens, you know that right? Oh and tell the driver to drive slowly, its snowing quite heavily"
"I love you, Aunt Cassie. Stay safe"
With that, I turned and started to leave when a firm set of hands stopped me in my tracks, dragging me back inside to face a set of concerned dark brown eyes.
"My diagnosis of your condition is a severe form of PTSD. I have never seen a patient like you in my life so don't make a joke out of it. Your condition is not that simple and since you won't tell me anything about your nightmare, I can't advise you on therapy. Your symptoms are unpredictable and by chance, if I'm right, and this is PTSD, you are in serious trouble. I'm not scaring you on purpose but I'm not gonna lie that everything is going to be okay because I can't guarantee that on something I've never seen before. But you're my daughter, so I'm not gonna give up ok."
I could feel the tears threatening to flood my face, but I forced them in. I threw my hands around her and dwelled in the comfort of her body heat. "Whatever this is, I'm going to fight it. I promise" I kissed her watery cheek and left, afraid to look back.
If I did, I would break. And that would scare her even more. So I did the only thing I could and walked away.
***
Damn the weather!!
I cursed three times in a row, trying to steady my feet after slipping on the snow thrice. I should have called Jade. This was awfully counter-productive and I was getting nowhere in this snow. Like a cherry on top, I seemed to be a perfect walking target for the frosty winds who constantly attacked me with its icy waves.
I looked around, praying desperately for a cab to come to my rescue but lucky times had to just keep on coming. I contemplated on walking back to Aunt Cassie's place but I was already half a kilometre away. Walking back would mean having to endure another thirty minutes of frost bite and wet feet. So, no. I could never make that commitment. So food it is.
I walked around Clinton hoping to grab a warm meal since it was past my lunch time but many restaurants were closed for the season. I spotted few lonely cafes and breakfast joints, all of which gave off 'Do Not Enter Unless You're Looking For Trouble' vibes. I shivered, both from the cold and how lifeless this town felt. Aunt Cassie should seriously consider moving to Lockwoood, this place was rundown and abandoned.
After walking around for a couple of minutes, I finally arrived at a spot which was brewing with music, laughter and the smell of food. Real food. My stomach groaned at the mere thought of it. I did a mental dab and hurried towards what looked like a never-ending queue.
This place must have one hell of a menu, I mentally thought as the traffic showed no signs of improvement for the last ten minutes. I stood on my feet surrounded by a cluster of people, hoping whoever was dining inside to finish their meals quickly.
"Are you here for Ryder?" came from a new voice.
I turned around to inspect my unwelcomed conversationalist, and to say I was shocked was an understatement. She was a girl around my age but we looked nothing alike. From perfectly styled short-cropped crimson hair to hundred dollar high-heels, this girl wore luxury like it's an accessory. And surprisingly, it suited her. She looked beautiful in a way that screamed porcelain dolls and calory-controlled diets.
"No" I replied and turned back to face the front.
"If you're not here for him, what are you doing here at all?" She questioned making it obvious that she was one of those people who didn't keep their mouths to themselves.
"I don't know what you're talking about" Being surrounded by a lot of people reduced the chill in the air, thanks to the body heat. But speaking however was still painful since my lips were cracked from the lashes of the cold. I sure as hell hoped this lady got the point because the last thing I wanted to right now was to make conversation.
"Are you being sarcastic or serious? If it's the latter, you must be new to town."
I gave her a forced smile instead of replying.
"Oh, so you ARE new here. Don't worry, I'm not from around here either." She whispered the last part to my ear as if it's a big secret.
"I'm from Seattle actually. I came here once by chance on a business trip and saw him. Couldn't get him out of my mind since then." She went on, her eyes distant as if re-living paradise.
I hate to break her out of wonderland but curiosity got the best of me. "Who's he?"
"Ryder. Ace Ryder" She bit out like she couldn't believe if I was human.
"Never heard of him" I turned back, wondering who this Ryder guy was and what voodoo charm he planted on this dumb version of barbie.
She laughed. Out loud. Like literally. A lot of people turned back and hissed in our way while I pretended that I didn't know her, because hey, I didn't.
Then she hit me.
Not a hard slap but a small nudge like one. Still! I couldn't believe she hit me. I turned back to return the favour when she cut me off. "You're telling me to believe that you're actually here for food?" She said, eyeing me from top to below. I hated it when people did that. If you are going to judge someone, you should do it stealthily, not this obviously.
"Figures, you don't look the type at all"
I ignored her. But she seemed to have a problem with leaving me alone. "Honey, if you're here for food, don't bother. I saw some gloomy cafes down-town that'll help you with that. Now, if you don't mind, could you get lost? I'd like him to see me before those sluts" She spat.
Forget Barbie. She was Anabelle.
But I didn't like being bossed around, especially not by a bimbo like her.
"Why don't you make me then?" I challenged stepping closer. If I knew one thing about girls like her who reek of expensive make-up and French perfume, it was that they are all about the talk. When push comes to shove, they'd run. I had bucketloads of experience on how to deal with empty cans like her from my college days.
At that, she stiffened. It was pretty obvious that she wasn't expecting that kind of reaction from me. Good for her. At least she learned a lesson to never judge a book by its cover.
After her little stunt, she left me alone. I took that freedom as an opportunity to examine my surrounding. Majority of the customers in line to get inside the place were women. Most of them looked my age and younger, and occasionally I could glimpse a few who were far elder. One thing all of them had in common though was make-up. By far, I seemed to be the odd one out, dressed in normal winter clothes and winter boots.
Then it hit me. They all must be here for that Ryder guy. He must be one hell of a looker to gather so many women in one place, even during a climate like this. Unlike his lady fans, I was here because I didn't have a choice. This place had a crowd and looked most alive in this dead beat town, so naturally, I felt safer dining here. But I got to admit, I was curious about that guy and what he looked like.
***
Forty minutes.
That's how long it took for me to grace the diner with my presence. The place was warm and vibrant with the echoes of laughter, occasional chatter and the sound of glass clinking in cheers.
But that wasn't what breathed this place to life- it was him, a living, breathing embodiment of male perfection. He sure was one hell of an Ace.
I breathed a heavy sigh. God was truly unfair. He made a guy like that and girls like me co-exist in the same era. Well hey, at least he was eye-candy. Not every day I get to see guys who look that hot, not that I ever seen one that could possibly rival this dude. He was in a league of his own.
After a moment of observing the place/staring at him, I found an empty seat by the corner and sat after taking off my coat. I found a menu lying on the table and skimmed through it, trying to get a head-start on my options. Once done, I settled on burgers and fries and waited for someone to take my order.
"Hey beautiful, what can I get you?" Damn. This place had fast service. I turned around, satisfaction evident on my face. I hoped for the food to arrive quickly as well, but what I didn't expect was the tall frame that towered over me.
Oh my sapphires! A set of sapphire studded eyes stared at me, waiting for a response. I gulped.
Ace frickin Ryder was standing in front of me!
My own body's reaction to him surprised and horrified me at the same time. Taking my sudden loss for words as an opportunity, he leaned in, his face a few inches away from mine "I'm gonna ask you again, beautiful. What can I get you?".
I flinched, not from his proximity, but from the way he called me 'beautiful'.
A word so familiar, in a tone that I knew, but didn't.
I must have looked horrified because he backed away.
"Hey, you good?" He asked, concern lining his tone.
What a manly voice he had, rough but smooth, alarming yet seductive, just like him I thought.
I wanted to nod in response but my body went rogue. The word 'beautiful' kept replaying in my head as dizziness dulled my senses. I felt my feet hit the granite floor but couldn't single out the pain. I've fallen, I guessed. Two arms shook me back to reality but I couldn't stop whatever was happening to me.
Blue eyes... A pair of blue eyes so blue that they could make the oceans jealous. That's all I saw before I blacked out.