Nadia's phone vibrated against her cheek so many times it pulled her from her sleep. She groaned before trying to silence it by shoving it under her pillow. Didn't work. She moaned again, this time at the bright light creeping through her white curtains, brightening the room to the point of needing to squint. The white paint reflected rainbows from her wind chimes outside onto her eggshell comforter and matching furniture.
Her stomach flipped and she knew what was about to happen. Nadia sat bolt upright and puked into the trash can next to her bed. Sarah belly flopped onto Quinn to get out of the way, both of them protesting loudly. Just like that everyone was awake. Her best-friends stared for a moment before both rushing to her washroom to dump the can and get her a toothbrush.
A squeal came from her room as Nadia stepped out of the shower, "Have you checked your phone since last night?" Quinn asked loudly through the closed door. "No, I haven't had time yet." Nadia tried to laugh but her heart was in her throat. Last night was a little blurry. She remembered mimosas, martinis, margaritas and a lot of dancing. She always danced when she was drunk. She didn't care who was watching when she'd had a few, normally she could never do that. Too many eyes on her made her want to throw up but last night was just the three of them, her brother and his girlfriend. With stricter Covid-19 restrictions that was everyone she was allowed to see. To be honest it was all the people she needed.
"Get out here! Girl, all that buzzing, those were all your matches, you're blowing up! These women are hot!" Sarah pushed through the door, not bothering to knock and shoving the screen in her face. "Women?" she almost stuttered, "you guys signed me up for gay tinder?" Both of her friends laughed. "I don't think people call it gay Tinder but sure if that's what's we're going with..."
The rising bubble of stress in her stomach burst open in her chest as anxiety took a grip of her. People could see her profile, they could judge her and they could out her. Was she really ready for that? Only five people in the whole world knew she was queer and now she was ready to announce it to everyone? She wasn't sure but didn't really have a choice. She could delete it now and disappoint her friends (and herself) or just go with it and see what happened. She knew meeting new people was a good and healthy thing to do so she sucked it up and nodded to no one in particular. She could do this.
Sara being the most well-versed in the world of online dating, gave Nadia the run-down and all the arbitrary rules that made Nadia want to scream. She hated playing games, she wasn't good at them and it almost always ended in her getting hurt. "Oh yeah just a heads up, we don't send the laughing emoji anymore, it's old, send something fresh like the monkey covering his eyes or..." Sara stopped, probably noticing Nadia's eye glaze over and Quinn ready to protest. "and no winking emoji unless you're being suggestive!" Quinn went pink at the memory of that conversation. On her phone the winking face looked cute and innocent but on an iPhone it looked like you were DTF. She had just recently found this out despite having and using her phone for at least three years. There was an ongoing joke that it was the reason boys found her so hard to read.
Nadia still didn't feel prepared to be on dating apps, she didn't think she ever would be. She had never been on any before, she preferred meeting people organically but with a looming pandemic, her shrinking social circle, and everyone assuming she was straight, she didn't like her chances. Her friends had been on her forever to go online whenever she was single- which to be completely honest wasn't often. Nadia had been in two long term relationships during high school. It wasn't until she graduated that she decided it was time to take a break and focus on university. It was then that she realized she didn't miss men in her life- at least not romantically. It was also then when it dawned on her that she was attracted to women. She had grown up around all boys and it had been ingrained into her that she had to like boys, it made sense, it was easy and it's what everyone expected. It just never worked for her.
The boys in her life made great friends, they were loyal, protective, easy-going and funny but every time she tried to be in a relationship with one, things went wrong. Both times her relationships ended, she was the one to do it. She dumped them. Her first relationship was sweet and safe, the second was hot and heavy, completely different but the same result. Nether of the guys did anything to warrant a break-up, she simply didn't feel anything and couldn't handle being touched by someone she didn't care for.
"I can literally see you thinking too much" Quinn pulled Nadia back down to earth. She had just come out to her parents a month prior, but she'd been out to her friends since they were seventeen. Her friends both stared at her in anticipation, not knowing if she was about to shut them down or help them swipe for matches. She clenched her jaw, took a deep breath and smiled, "I mean what's the worst that could happen?" she asked aloud and her friends beamed. "That's almost the spirit!" Sara cheered before the three of the huddled around Nadia's phone.
"So what's your type?" Sara asked bluntly, but Nadia only shrugged. "Come on, everyone's got a type." Quinn pressed, "tall or short, thin or curvy, adventurous or home-bodies, cat or dog lover?" but once again Nadia could only shrug. "I want someone who will go backpacking with me but will also enjoy an impromptu harry potter movie marathon. Someone that likes going out to clubs and bars but will leave when I'm ready. You know, a happy medium with a little bit of everything. I would appreciate it if they could cook and it'd be a bonus if they could play an instrument, especially guitar."