I go to the bathroom to take a quick shower so I can go with Nox to his house and talk with his father, to my great displeasure. I have nothing against Nox's father, but I just don't feel like acting on what Lanader has told me, and I certainly don't wish to tell them the details about it.
While I take a shower, I look around the room, every inch spotless. Sometimes it makes me feel sad that I have all this while other people suffer from pivotry. I'm trying to concentrate on the matter at hand, though. I need to convince Nox that what happened with Lanaden is not worth talking about, that I'm fine and Lanaden would never come back. It wouldn't be hard to just stop talking about him after that. I just have to make sure uncle Robert forgets about his existence, which is the easiest task in the world, since his attention has never been with me or my complicated family.
I sigh and something catches my eye when I look around. There is a letter near the sink. It looks sealed and I can see it says is beautiful letters: Lady Sage Hawkins. I can't seem to guess who would send me a letter, but all the same I reach for it and make sure not to wet it while holding it. I open the seal with a light push and take out the letter.
When I can't immediately recognize the handwriting, I wonder who could be sending ME a letter. I am not exactly the most sociable person.
"Sage, we need to go soon." I hear Nox's voice behind the door as he knocks gently. His whole attitude changed before, and I can't tell why. He just said, 'You look beautiful in the morning, did you know that?' and I said 'thank you' like a normal person, but I really have no idea about what is going on with him; he just seems so different lately: he always compliments me and says nice things about me, and worries too much, and he's become much more protective over me lately. Nothing escapes his gaze when people say things that insult me, and he always stands up for me. When he can't, he makes sure to always comfort me. I don't know what he's thinking. but something is very strange regarding him lately.
"I'm coming." I call and put the letter down, deciding to read it on the way to his house instead - assuming I won't find a way to avoid going.
I get out of the bath and dry myself, then I wear the clothes I chose for today. It's a simple black tunic with a high collar, and I'm wearing pants, unlike what is acceptable, but it's not forbidden, just frowned upon. I've been a master my entire life at making people frown. Why stop now? Besides, dresses are extremely uncomfortable. You can't even breathe in them! I take the letter with me and take my leave to meet Nox waiting outside. As said, he frowns. "You know I don't mind that you're wearing pants, but my father is not the most open to change person."
"We can just not talk to him." I suggest dryly and glance at his frown. "No. then?" I sigh. "Would you like me to change?"
"I really hate asking this, but it would be easier if you will, yes. It is still your choice though, I'm just warning you that my father won't like it. You can still go like that."
I appreciate the effort, but it doesn't fool me. He wants me to change for his father, and I will, probably because he made it clear that I can choose what to do on my own. I nod. "Fine. I will change. Will you call Lucy for me?"
"I thought you could dress yourself." he says with a smile that makes me want to slap him. I glare at him. He chuckles. "I'm going, I'm going." hs says and raises his arms in submission while laughing lightly to himself. I roll my eyes as he takes his leave.
In the meantime, I can read my mysterious letter. I wonder who it's from. When I open it again, I start reading this time.
After finishing most of it, already dreading the ending, I look at the signature. Then my blood freezes. The letter falls to the floor before I can finish it and I run back to the bathroom.
In the next moment, my head is buried in the toilet and I'm puking my guts out.
Nox's POV:
I go to call Lucy like Sage asked of me, and when I come back with her to Sage's room, I stay outside.
I hear Lucy calling for her lady, and there is no reply but a loud thud of a door being shut. I wonder what's going on in there. The next thing I know, Lucy is running out of Sage's room with a concerned look. I grab her hand before she run away and ask, "What's going on?"
"She is vomiting, my lord. I was going to call for a healer." She says with genuine concern on her face. I turn pale. Sage is vomiting? What happened in less than five minutes when I was gone? I release the maid's hand.
"It's fine, I can take care of her. Could you send a message to my father if I wrote something for him?"
"Of course, my lord." she replies and bows her head.
I run inside Sage's room and hurry to the closed bathroom door. I can hear her vomiting through the door. What is it? Why is she vomiting like this? "Sage?" I knock on the door. "What happened? Is everything okay?"
I look down suddenly and I find a letter on the floor. I pick it up, thinking it might be an indicator of what exactly is going on with Sage. Instead of reading something that isn't mine, I skip to the signature. I stare at it for a long moment before forgetting any kind of respect for Sage's privacy and enter the bathroom without even bothering to knock.
She is with her head inside the toilet, and another wave of vomit comes her way. She is coughing when it's over and breathing heavily. She looks really pale and her whole body is shaking. It takes me a moment to realize she's crying. Oh, dear Gods. I lift the letter to my eyes and swiftly read it, but it seems that I can't understand anything of it because it's apparently concerning last night, and Sage refused to tell me what happened then yet. I hear Sage vomiting again, and leave the letter behind as I rush to her side, lifting her hair and stroking her back soothingly. It hurts seeing her like that.
I turn around to look at a concerned Lucy. "Bring some water for her." I tell her. She nods and quickly leaves. I continue to do my best with Sage, and by the time she's finished, her voice is so raw.
"I didn't do it on purpose." she rasps very quietly.
I take a towel and clean her mouth, having to mentally slap myself for staring at it for a moment. "I know, I know you didn't." I say gently. "I know you wouldn't. We'll see how you feel in an hour, and my father can also come here if needed."
She nods. "I'm sorry."
It breaks my heart how sincere her voice is. "Oh, darling, don't be." I want to hold her forever, I think to myself. I want to make her feel better. I hug her almost without thinking about it, she's so small in my arms, so weak from all the vomiting. I feel so bad for her.
I am surprised when she suddenly hugs me back lightly. Her next question is so raw and I can tell that if she were more alert now, she would have never asked it: "Why are you so good to me? I am not worth it." She adds, "I never have been."
I hug her tightly and make sure to pass everything I feel with it. "Sage, don't ever say that. You deserve the world and more. I would give it to you if I could. You deserve so much." I tell her. It's the truth, yet she is either too tired or too confused to answer me right now, and I'm fine with it. She can have all time she wants. After some time that we sit there, on the bathroom floor, I lighten my tight hold on her and make sure to check that she's not crying anymore. I am beyond hurt and puzzled for why she doesn't understand how important she is to me. She is my everything, and without her I wouldn't have a soul. "Are you feeling better now? Do you need anything?" I signal for Lucy to bring the water she just brought in the room. She passes me a glass of water that I give to Sage and say, "Drink."
She does, and I refill her glass five more times until she puts it swim in the tile floor. She looks a little better now. "I'm okay now, thank you." She sounds regular again, and I slip my shoulders in relief. "We can go if you want, I just need to change."
"We'll go when I say so. Right now you're going to rest."
She looks tired and frustrated, so I just pick her up in my arms and take her to her bed.
"What do you think you're doing?" she calls in surprise. "Put me down."
I reach her bed and put her down. Then I cover her with her blanket, and she tries to get up, but I push her back down again. "Rest for a little while, Sage, then we'll see if we can go. I'll tell Father that we will come later today instead of in thirty minutes. He'll understand."
She has her stubborn look on her face. I sigh and say, "Let me take care of you." I stroke her light-golden hair out of her face, and then she finally gives up and closes her eyes. I did wake her up quite early, I recall. That's probably why she's so tired.
I stay there for a long time, stroking her hair and thinking about all the things she said before, about not being worthy of me being good to her and about what I found out from Relox. I am so disappointed that is what she thinks about herself. She is so perfect just the way she is, and I can't think that there is anything I would change about her. She's my world, and right now, my darling is weak and she needs help, and that is what she'll get. She needs to know how much she means to me. When she wakes up, I will tell her.