Song recommended: Feel again By Jovan Perez
The wind was harsh as it blew her hair away from her face. It seemed to not care about the delicacy of her emotions nor care about tears that felt. It was so quick to dry her tears.
So quick to be rid of the evidence.
Her ears were still ringing and her head still drumming from her screams. Those very screams that had escaped her very lips when she caught sight of her pale features in the coffin.
She had followed them with him in tow. Watching her mother yell and cry into the arms of the very man who had left a bitter taste in her mouth like medication. Yet he acted as effectively as if he was.
None of it had made sense to her. None of it had soothed her very soul. She had hoped that making this deal wouldn't lead to such consequences. She had hoped that sooner or later, she would sit with her mother and talk out their issues. Their regrets. That everything would just be blown away like the very wind that dried her never-ending tears.
Yet now here she was, looking down at the cliff that she had hoped she would hold the very remains of her shame. That she would be able to catch the sight of her bones, poking out. Telling her soul that this was the very thing she had left in the world, even though this hadn't been the plan.
This had not been the plan.
"I always told my mom that one day I would give her everything she ever desired. That one day I would be the one to give her love and save her from the very pain this world always seemed to provide us with. That one day the world would chant my name loudly and witness the greatness birthed and raised by her.
That I would give her everything she ever hoped for and that she wouldn't have to work a day in her life to support the world aspects. That she would be able to walk up and breathe.
Not having to rush for anything. Not having to worry about money or power or anything. That she would just have to see me and see that this… me… was more than enough. She wouldn't bother me if she took money. She wouldn't bother me if she disappeared to pamper herself. No, she would only bother me if she fell in love with the wrong man.
Yet here I am, here she is, having to take care of me again. This time not even in life where I can return the favor. No, it has to be in death. I couldn't even get a chance to tell how sorry I was. How I never meant anything I had said. How the world isn't as cruel and that her daughter…
How her daughter isn't like her father. A cruel bastard only favored anything that let him have control. Who would leave marks, bruises, or burn anything in his sight just to have anything or anyone scream that he is right? And we are wrong.
Where do I even begin to make things right? Where do I get a second chance?" I cried. Darkness blinded me for a moment as my eyes filled with heavy tears. I felt him place his hand on my shoulder and I slightly tensed.
Yet within a moment he took a seat on the ground next to me, wrapped his arm around me, and let me weep into his chest. "Let it out," he whispered. And I did just that. I cried out the apology that seemed stuck in my chest. I cried out the pain that seemed to bleed out my chest.
I screamed out the very frustration in my body of what would happen to my very soul now that I had sold it to the devil. I cried out the pain and poured it more and more into him. Not realizing that he was taking it all in and adding it onto his very own bottled emotions.
Not realizing that he was always weeping for his own losses.
His own pain.