Song recommended, Let it go by Summer Walker. (I do not own any of the lyrics written down they are the actual lyrics of the song)
Happy Reading!
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The nightmares were severe.
They caused her body to tremble and shiver every minute, sweat continued to wet her pillow and sheets as though water had been thrown on there and she had no choice but to rest on it. Her mind raced with fear as it replayed what happened over and over again, making her grip onto the sheets as though the only solid that would keep her from falling into the darkest parts of her mind. As if the only solid that would keep her from insanity. As if the only solid that would keep her from losing her life.
Her screams were loud as she pulled herself from the dream, jerking away from the bed as though it was an animal and she had just barely survived from its sharp jaws. She looked at everything around her as though an enemy, not being able to control her shakes and shivers. She felt like a junky that needed its fix fast and she didn't know how to handle it.
Aria pulled her legs towards her chest and wrapped her arms around them, rocking herself back and forth as she had as a kid and let herself sob. Crying at how horrible she felt, crying at how she couldn't save two people, crying at how she felt like a failure, that no one could help her save herself and it made her scared to think that everyone around her would die.
And she wouldn't be able to save them.
Her mind replayed memories of the arguments her mother and father used to have, him constantly blaming her for the debt they were in when it was his fault. Him constantly smelling of a brewery when he returned home, leaving her mother frustrated at everything that was about to be taken from them. Suddenly him disappearing when he found someone who could take care of him. Leaving her mother more broken than shattered glass.
She never realized that a person would have to change who they were as if they were systems being updated then stick to being fixed and constantly have to worry about what would come and if they would crash or not. Aria had never been more relieved to see her mother become a better person but that didn't mean she was the strongest, she always took her time. Always sort her advice, always willing to listen and consider what her daughter had to say, yet here was her daughter. Not doing the same for her.
Aria felt weak for not being able to listen to her mother and doing what was right, she felt weak for not being able to listen to her mother. When all her mother needed her to do was to listen and to take in her considerations for the damn man. Yet Aria was too afraid, too afraid to have to watch her mother have to change herself again all because someone thought it would be fun to break another person's heart.
The games the world played were always a Russian roulette, always beneficial to one but lethal to another and it made her wonder if the tables were turned would something be different in the lives they lived?
Aria pushed herself up and began walking to the door, not caring what would happen and who would see her in the silk nightdress. She needed to let out the pain and fears that she had racing in her mind, she would deal with the repercussions of it later on. Even if it meant that she would have to face a bunch of disapproving looks, it wouldn't be the first time in her life that she received it.
Finding the door unlocked, she stepped out into the corridors and began walking toward the music room that Quin had shown her before they had entered into the other rooms. Though she hadn't shown Quin much interest in the music room, she had been relieved to know that despite instruments, they actually had an iPod music system. Making her relieved that they weren't as behind as she thought.
She closed the door behind her and began shifting things around her, trying to set them according to her movement that way she wouldn't have an issue when she danced or let out her fears. When the room was cleared with all the instruments moved to one side, she walked back to the system player, set the volume where it was loud enough to allow her to ignore everything around her but not loud enough to awaken everyone in their rooms.
Since the iPod was unlocked she searched for a song, feeling her body still shaking a bit as her memories still replayed all her pain and failure. As soon as she found the right artist, she smiled and selected a song by Summer Walker. She set the song to play in at least 20 seconds and she let out a heavy breath as she stepped into the middle of the room.
Feeling her body try to relax as it felt as though it had been forever since she last danced. She looked down at her feet and when the song began she rolled her head and let her hands run up her waist to the sides of her breasts and back down thrice slowly.
What have you become?
What have you become?
Matter fact, nah, that's what you been
I was blind, I was in it, I was blind
Oh, what
Then making the movements seem robotic as she pushed them up and down once more until her hands touched her head and she moved with her right leg to the side suddenly, pulling her hands up and covering her eyes rolling her head again.
I thought that I was changing you
I can't believe I praised you (God damn)
You know your mama ain't raise you like that
Just look at your behavior, and that's why she ashamed a ya, damn
She pushed herself to the side as she wrapped her arms around her waist, coming to a sudden halt when the snap came in place with her left leg forward, squating slightly as she pushed her hands forward. Letting them both roll around as though creating an alluring image.
Look at what you've become (Become)
Matter fact, what you've been (Been)
I was just blind
I was just so in it (In it)
I was just so committed (Committed)
Nah I don't regret it (Regret it)
I learned what love is once I
She raised up slowly and swayed her hips sideways, bringing her hands to the side, raising the nightdress up a bit as, letting her one hand come up to her neck as though she was being choked and then she quickly let go. Pulling herself back quickly as though she was running backward then she threw herself back as though a ballerina coming to a sudden stop when she let herself slowly fall to the floor.
Let it go, let it go, let it go (Oh)
Let it go, 'cause you doin' too much, and you just won't let go
And I know it was you and you try to hold on to my attention
Won't you let it go
Let it go, let it go, let it go (Oh)
'Cause you doin' too much, and you trying too hard
Tryna get a reaction, and I am a child of God (Yeah)
So I cannot be touched (Uh-huh)
She raised her hips up and then slowly brought it down, as though slow thrusting into the air. She turned to the side and raised herself till she was on her knees and shook her head, making her hair move with the force as she pushed her legs up and down, making her body come up and down but then there was a shift in the air as she raised up and her eyes turned to meet the gold ones. Feeling his hands rest on her waist she paused.