Chapter 9~~~ Doubt (Part 2)
Lucia's POV
I want to question it. How can he possibly know? Nich is a shield as well it's not like Zak could simply read his thoughts. And yet… a glimmer of hope sparks inside me as his words slowly sink in. and the idea of grabbing that spark and running with it is too much of a pleasant thought for me to ruin it with the pessimistic questions lurking in the shadows of my mind. So, for once in my life I just let it go.
"Thank you." I murmur my eyes shifting slightly to the left of his eyes, uncomfortable with sincerity in my own voice. The moment of silence after the words disappear on the wind seems almost defining. I unconsciously clear my throat and shift my eyes back to his before opening my mouth to change the topic of conversation to something much less personal.
The multitude of questions swirling behind his eye's halts to words in their tracks. He seems hesitant to voice any of them, like if he says the wrong thing, he'll push me over the edge. The wariness in his gaze greets on my nerves and the gratitude I felt mere moments ago evaporates into nothing. Anger is all too willing to fill the void. How dare he thinks I can't handle this. I've been through enough by now to be able to handle a few pointless questions. Just how fucking fragile does he think I am?
Zak must have seen the change in me. The hardening of my eyes and emotionless expression, he takes a slight step backwards just as the words slip from my mouth unbidden.
"What? For God's sake just spit it out already." He sighs, his eyes closing for moment like his pained by something and when he opens them moments later, those vibrant green orbs are easily as hard and closed off as my own. His words are hard as he finally speaks.
"Did you mean what you said? You would seriously prefer that they kill you than for Lucifer to use you?" His voice emotionless as he says the words and its obvious, he wouldn't care if they did kill me.
"Of course, I meant it." My tone is almost an exact replica of the one he used, if slightly higher, "Better dead than killing my own species." Killing everyone and everything I love, but those words can't be spoken aloud. Not to him.
"Was he right? Do you want to die?" This time there's a combination of what looks like fear and maybe hope, shinning faintly behind his hardened exterior and the confusion I feel only grows as I wonder exactly what he wants to help me, or just himself.
"Of course not. Like I said. I just want what's best for everyone. Do you really believe that they'll let me in without killing me?"
"Yes." His tone, his firm almost challenging, and yet a voice in the back of my mind whispers 'lie' so clearly it almost as if the words were spoken aloud.
"You're lying," where the conviction comes from I haven't the slightest idea and yet as I speak, I see the shock clear on his face for a split second and I know I'm right, "what exactly do you think will happen?"
"They won't kill you, Lucia." Once again one single word 'lies' and the absolute certainty that it is, "I won't let them." I wait expectantly for it to happen again, but there is only silence after his last statement, and I get the sneaking suspicion that means it's true. Yet the two statements are almost contradictory. They'll kill me, but he will stop them. If he's stopping them how do I still end up dead?
Confusion still flitting through my thoughts, I focus on the simple fact that none of this really matters.
"Look, Zak, this is pointless, whether I live or die I have to at least try to warn them. Okay? I can't go back to Lucifer and I refuse to just sit around and do nothing." His eyes settle on my face like his searching for something in the depth of my gaze, before he finally, he gives a slight nod and I almost breathe a sigh of relief at not having to discuss my own death any longer. "Anyways, so, I'm a shield, huh?" a nervous flutter starts up my stomach as I say the words. Finally, he might be able to give me the answers.
"Yes. And a strong one too. At least as strong as me. Based on that I'm fairly sure you must be a reader too."
"Fairly sure? I thought when you… unblocked?... my mind you'd be to tell what I could do."
"No. most angels only have one talent, so when they're checked if they're a shield it's obvious from the shield around their mind. If you weren't a shield, I'd be able to tell. If you weren't the strongest shield, I've ever met I might have been able to break through and find out, but attempting that will only cause damage. Maybe, in time once you've learned to control it you could let me in, but then you should have figured it out all out for yourself anyway."
"So, I just have to wait and see if any talents just suddenly appear?"
"More or less, I'm assuming you'll at least have a few of other common ones and we attempt to figure out which ones by trial and error."
"So, like projection, strength and healing…?" I ask scrapping the back of my mind for any memory of other common skills amongst angels. Zak simply nods. "What about rare ones? Do you think I have any of those?" I ask him almost hesitantly, knowing that there must be something special in my head, in order for Lucifer to want me so badly.
"Honestly, you probably have some we've never seen before. I think the block was holding back some of your natural talents as well, you are probably already stronger, faster and more agile than you were before, simply because the block is gone. Add onto the fact that you probably the skill of every angel to ever exist, it's no wonder Lucifer needs you to win this war." A slight shudder crawls its way down my spine. Fear of what I could do freezing me in place. Zak seems to notice the sudden stiffness in my limbs. Or perhaps the fear is evident in my eyes. Either way he steps forward until his black boots enter my line of vision.
"Luc," before I can force back the fear, make it disappear in the dark corner of my mind, and return to my neutral expression once more, his hand is under my chin. He gently lifts my head until I'm forced to meet his eyes. The contact sends my heart racing at an even faster rate, he's still the enemy, his already seen me like this too many times. He doesn't need yet another thing to use against me. I force my eyes away from his, though his hands remain on my chin preventing me from looking down.
"Luc," he murmurs again, and a voice in my head whispers that he has only ever helped me so far, was it so bad to give him a little trust? With a deep inhale, I let my eyes meet his once more. In his deep green orbs drawing me in. "It's not your fault, Luc. You've never done anything to hurt anyone and Lucifer won't get to you again, I promise." As I hesitate for a moment, he catches it and continues, "Trust me, Luc. I won't let him near you ever again." And for some reason I believe him and my head moves in acknowledgement of his. Then realization hits me; how did he know exactly what I was worried about? At my inquisitive gaze, a slight guilty grin tugs at his lips and he taps the side of his head in explanation.
"Your shield is still flickering a little bit."
"Right." I say just as that voice whispers once more 'Lie' and confusion flits through me. Why would he lie about that? And then another thought hits me. "Has anyone ever had the ability to tell when someone is lying to them?" I ask curiosity blazing as I try to figure out whether this is an actual talent. He looks slightly thrown by the seemingly random question and the urge to laugh at his facial expression sets a smile free on my lips.
"Not that I know… why?" He asks his lips curling on one side in a cautious smile in response to mine.
"Because you just lied again." This time shock is clearly evident across his face, and despite the meaning of that, a laugh bubbles through and he somehow manages to look even more shocked.
"You can tell when I'm lying?" I nod slowly, regaining control of my expression and calming the laughter.
"So, how did you really know what I was worried about?" he glances to the side for a moment, before seeming to give in, his shoulder slumping slightly as he forces the words into the air.
"it's what you always worry about." He murmurs, "You'd rather die than go back to Lucifer. And you would do anything to help the angels in heaven. And I know you're terrified of hurting them somehow. But you won't. You couldn't hurt them, Luc. It's not who you are. I've seen enough of your mind to know that." My feet automatically carry me a few steps few steps back from him as he says this, embarrassing attempting to consume me as I contemplate exactly how much he has seen in my head. I hear a sigh leave his full lips and I feel heat diffusing through my cheeks.
"Um," I race to find something, anything to change the topic, to erase the idea that he has seen the dark room in my mind, "How do you know Carli and the doctor?" He doesn't question the change in conversation and doesn't hesitate in replying.
"They're kind of family. My mom and Carli's are like best friends. I'm hoping her mom Ahreal will be willing to help us since she had Carli, she might be more accepting of you. She'll at least listen to us. She could get us in."
"Are we sure we can trust them?" I ask, almost hesitantly. What if Carli called someone other than her mother, or tell Ahreal to bring the rest of them so they could kill us. Zak seems to understand where my thoughts are heading. He comes closer once again his hand slightly gently onto my shoulder and the simple gesture calms the worry in my mind. Sliding his hand down my arm to my wrist, he locks his eyes on mine.
"They won't betray us; I promise you that." And I find that I trust in his words. I nod, and before I can form the words of acceptance and gratitude that I want, a voice is screaming at us to run.