When I heard the nock at the door it startled me, I was laying down on the bed, deep in thought. "Enter" I said in a loud voice. Alex came in with a piece of paper in his hand, and a look of remorse, regret, and deep-set pain on his face "this just arrived from the state senate it says that your refusal to run as canadate for premier in our district has been refused. Unanimous vote the two thirds rule was not even an option in this case." I nearly swore at the injustice of it, but I merely nodded if the people wanted me that bad, then they could have me. "okay" was all I said as I took the paper I should have expected as much, the only bad thing was I did not. I still had several hours until the guests arrived, I had no desire to do anything, no I was exhausted, frustrated, and deep down hopelessly lost. I had lost my will, my ambition, my internal fire, I had all those months leading our people, winning battles, but now it was simply gone, there was nothing but a void of what had been. No now I had become the most self-inspecting being on the planet, hours I spent thinking, nights I spent reading, days I spent present yet completely removed. I had become, if possible, the most gregarious social hermit, always with, and around everyone who wished to see me, but never did I leave the shell which was my mind. It amazes me how only several hours can change your mood, I had been only hours before the happiest I can remember being in almost a year, but now I only despaired. What I had been dreading, avoiding, trying at all costs to prevent has come to pass, I have been subdued by the iron will of the people, strung up by my hands and made to dance like a puppet, and of course I would do nothing now to stop them. I got up with a sigh, knowing I might as well do something, I moved towards the door and reached out for the shiny bronze knob, cane in hand I turned it, and made the long trek to the lakeside. The sun was beginning its descent over the horizon sitting atop the far-off mountains like a fiery orange crown, it was breath taking, and all together relaxing, the one true medicine which is beauty. I could have, and I would have stood there forever to gaze upon its fleeting rays, but alas I moved on towards the shore of the lake which now shone orange in the receding hours of the day. The fish no longer lept from its calm face, the birds now took to the flying insects for food, it was just another day among the chaotic events of the wild, in my own back yard. Sometimes I find it hard to believe just how blind we could be to the surrounding beauty, how we could grow used to it, immune to it, so I strive to let it sink in, absorb me, and I find peace in the suppleness of the beauty. I was looking out no longer seeing what it was I was looking out at, my thoughts had turned to the events of the day which had rapidly left my control, the sky had grown dark, the moon now put off an eerie light, and the hooting of a distant owl could be heard as it searched for food on the ground of the woods just beyond the lake. That is when I realized the person standing behind me, their breathing is what gave them away, they were at least being respectful of my private thought time. "yes" I said without turning around and my reply game in the deep soothing tones of our district governor "I just came to give my apologies about the senate ruling earlier today, I would have you know I argued against it. But there is only so much that I can do" I could hear the sincerity in his voice "it is okay, and I never did believe that you had anything to do with it." I heard his breath release just a fraction, and I could all but see his face and the relief it was showing "thank you for your confidence in me it is deeply gratifying" he said and meant. I turned with a smile "of course I never doubted you for a second, and the senate was bound to overrule me anyways" I said with an inward pang, sad at the thought it would never go beyond the state senate, and into the main halls of the federal senate where I might oppose it. "I will be forced to resign though from the senate if I am to be elected premier" I said thoughtfully, running a hand through my hair as I did so, the jet-black strands brushed aside out of my eyes where they had lain. Deep down that solitary spark flew and it hit the dry corpse of my previously dead ambition, that is when the inferno started decimating all the dreary, dark, and regretful thoughts which I had taken to thinking. I had been so blind, so self-centered, so conceited, I had never realized that perhaps it was no mistake all of this was happening. The people wanted me for a reason, and they were determined to get me, so why should I deny them what they want, or many of them at least, maybe my ambition is to serve. Serve I would, to the very best of my capabilities, and I would exert every ounce of knowledge, cleverness, and ideas I had to ensure that I was what they asked for. The governor cleared his throat "I was sent to get you; the wedding is about to start" he said with the undeniable air of someone who believed he just made a valuable ally. "of course, let us go my friend, for tomorrow I have big plans for you!" I set my hand on his shoulder as we made our way towards the white pavilion now standing near the waters edge, a very valuable ally I would be. There were so many people, far more than even I expected to show up, we were quickly running out of chairs, although no one seemed in the least worried. Throngs of people lept from their chairs with exclamations of recognition as I made my way past, hands were thrust in my direction, each one of which I shook with delight. The atmosphere was joyous, everyone I met gave their congratulations, with smiles upon their faces, and barely withheld anticipation. I had finally reached the pavilion by the time the crowd made their way back to their seats or in some cases off to the side to watch. The priest who stood waiting for me, was short, grey haired, with meatal rimmed glasses sitting upon a long bulbous nose. He smiled in a forced way and held out a fragile looking hand, which I shook, careful not to grasp to tightly for fear of hurting him "my name is Vladimir" he said in a heavy Russian accent. "Joseph, it is a pleasure to meet you" I replied with a warm smile, gesturing towards the crowd I said "I hope that you like people." He laughed "of course what kind of priest would I be if I did not like people?"
She came down the aisle as music swelled, and the whistling of the wind mixed with the high and low notes to make an unnatural, and soothing symphony. It pulled my worries away like sand caught in the receding tide. Her green eyes met mine and it was like looking out over an ever-expanding valley tinged with golden flecks from the morning sun. Her hand slipped into mine, and my body warmed. All my anxieties, and worldly qualms calmed. I was no longer something separate but entirely hers. As quiet settled upon the atmosphere it magnified the tranquillity of my soul, the peace, and completeness bounding in its emptiness, like a ringing bell that never sounded. These people, my people could only guess at my happiness, in fact even I can only guess, nor will I ever fully understand it. It is in simple terms calmness of mind, and confidence in the future, in her I found hope that the world had not completely condemned me. In louder tones than I ever expected the priest to manage he said to the crowd at large "Welcome, friends, family, and beloved guests! We are gathered here today to witness the joining of these two souls in eternal union." Nobody it seemed had any sense of union anymore in this world, yet every individual awoke with the word, as if it stirred some internal desire, they exploded in a chorus of applause. Perhaps because the happiness, or in the realization that some good may exist in this failing world. "In them we fondly seek a matrimony upon which to build, a hope, a direction, and a beautiful future to come!" I felt slightly taken aback. What was it they wished of this; how could they build off it? Somehow it seemed my own personal covenant of marriage presented, represented something to them. It amazes me how much they set in store by me.
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The ceremony was one of great proportions, much to my displeasure. It was also one of social intermingling, despite protests from the upper class. Nevertheless, the night was rather enjoyable, I cannot remember feeling so relaxed. Even now the drunkenness clung to me, the quietness of the night embodying my mental state. Izzy's breathing is a steady, soothing sound, and her heat radiates through me from her touch. We are curled up in the bed, her head resting in the nook of my shoulder, she has long fallen victim to sleep. This is the closest to home I've ever felt, with her I feel a security unlike none I've known before. She knows my every thought, and my deepest convictions, I withhold nothing from her, and I never will. Some say it's a burden being married, and for some it maybe, but for me it is freedom. I am no longer alone in life, I have in Izzy a partner, a confidant, she is part of my whole. I have a precious balance which without her would be in disarray. Perhaps our fault is we view marriage as bondage, instead of viewing it as liberation. This is liberation in every way, the way we are, our coexistence. I turned looking at the big clock adorning a startling blue wall, it is nearly three am, and I'm no closer to sleep than I was when we entered our bed. Nearly four hours had passed since the last part of me was given away, the very last I had to offer her sacrificed. We passed in that moment the love we had before. We ceased being mentally innocent years ago, and now our physical innocence was shed as well. Even in sleep she is beautiful, her head crowned by messy hair, and her smooth features relaxed. She is slightly dwarfed by my shirt she wears, and her long slender legs are intertwined with mine. The years ahead would be hard, but with her I could face the world with a smile.