My mother screaming, repeatedly radiated in my mind. Blood-curdling screams in the middle of the night. The wrong glance or even too much seasoning on the green beans at dinner, would send Richard into a rage. There was no time to think. Go into the room and let my little sisters know that everything will be alright once I make it back from the neighbor's house. Tracy's room was as bland as my own upon entry. Barren, white walls. Nothing near a typical child's room, usually strewn with toys. The only contents were a bed, to sleep in and a desk for studying. Tracy was sitting on the edge of her bed, as the stench of her urine-soaked mattress hinted to her being awoken by the terrifying screams coming from the living room. Wiping the tears from her eyes and holding her in a warm embrace, I whispered to let her know I would come right back. Tracy begged me not to leave her, but, running would be so much harder with her and Lisa in tow.. I reassured her of my return once again, as all other nights of attempting to rescue our mother. I quietly cracked the door, as not to bring attention to our hallway. As I proceeded to tiptoe to Lisa's room, I could hear her sulking. She was hidden under her bed, wrapped in a soft, pink blanket, clutching her baby blue rabbit. Her little face, strewn in tears, I reached for her hand. She never said a word as I repeated my previous promise of a quick return. She only nodded. The screaming and shouting increased, becoming more unbearable with every passing moment. I walked hastily to the restroom at the end of our hallway. Closed the door and locked it. Climbed on top of the toilet seat to unlock and raise the small window, slowly, as not to alert "The Beast." I flushed the toilet and proceeded to climb out of the window, tumbling into the dewy grass. As I ran to the neighbor's front door, the sounds of shattering glass and muffled screams echoed in the night. Loud thumps. I knocked incessantly on the door and the closest window. Ms. Jones seemed. to always be awaiting my arrival. Her kind eyes were low, as she had clearly been sleeping. She sat me in the back of her home, at the kitchen table. Are you alright baby? she asked. I told her I was used to it. She hung her head in unspeakable disbelief. The voice on the line asked, "what was happening in my home"? I told the dispatcher that "The Beast" was hitting my mother again. Ms. Jones gave them the address. It seemed to be an eternity, as I sat in the chair, counting the dots on the floor tiles. Through the cream-colored, living room curtains, red and yellow blurs of rotating lights everywhere. Now I wait.
"There is no way you actually just abandoned myself and your daughter, just because you're selfish!" I shouted aloud. Tears streamed down my face uncontrollably. Just last week, we were planning a wedding. Today, I sit alone at my dinner table, wondering what I had done to run Damian away. Was I working too much? Was it the way I looked? All I could think was, this dude left me as a 20 year old, with a 6 month old child. The apartment was in his name and when he left, he also took my half of the rent so I have to make quick moves to find somewhere to stay. This is when I wish my mother was capable of just being a mother but that is a known dead end. Maybe Frieda would answer her phone. The phone is ringing. Freida picks up, popping gum and laughing. "Girl, you must've been reading my mind" she says. The sobbing was uncontrollable at this point because I actually felt a sense of relief hearing her voice. The words were excruciating to hear out loud. He left me and the baby. The sentence just fell out like a ton of bricks hit the floor. Freida began cursing and yelling into the phone. She joined in my disbelief. There were no signs. No hints. "I came home and all of his things were gone." I explained. Freida gasped in disgust. "I wouldn't even believe he would ever leave," Freida stated. I told her I had no idea what my next step would be. Freida has always had "legs for days." Bronze complexion, as if, kissed by the sun itself. Her eyes are the color of honey drops with a hint of emerald green. Freida has a sway when she moves that reminds me of ocean waves and turns all men's heads. We are close in height at 5"6 but Freida is an avid fan of high heels. We are like night and day. I never would've imagined we would end up the best of friends. Freida never spoke to me at the school bus. She would make a half circle just to avoid noticing me. I wore her down with my outgoing spirit and jovial antics. Eventually, Freida gave me a laugh and that was all it took for us to become inseparable.
I sat, looking around at how empty my apartment looked while waiting on Freida to arrive. It never fails, she arrives with food, ice cream and a bottle of wine. She hugs me as if I had been away on a trip around the world. Somehow, the heaviness of stress melted away, temporarily. We sat together. Brainstorming. I definitely needed a second job. My mother's house was not an option ever. Our relationship had become so pretentious that we barely even communicated anymore. The homeless shelter seemed like the best option at this point. We both agreed it would work until I could get back on my feet. Moving wasn't foreign to my process. I grew up, constantly relocating. Hiding. Running.