'I was absent around the time my little brother was born. Four days before my brother was born, I misbehaved very badly with my parents. The anger created in me when I found out my babysitter has a boyfriend; spilled onto my parents and thus, I was sent to my aunt for a week. It was a mutual decision; I too agreed on the plan which made them more furious and thus the four-day punishment stretched to a week. As my aunt Hillary lives very far, it would take at least eight hours to reach home.
As aunt Hillary had no personal vehicle of her own, she was dependant on the train or airliner. But she would most of the time choose to train as she wasn't that prosperous. But I didn't care. I was far away from my parents and that was like heaven for me. I just wanted nothing more.
However, when my parents informed us about her water breaking, only one thing that came consumed my mind was: just be there. However, you can; just be there.
The ride back hospital I don't remember much as I was sleeping but the only thing I remember is that before we were out of aunt Hillary's house, I was like on top of her head screaming and shouting to reach the hospital. By the time I reached the hospital, little Dave already entered this world and was sleeping in our mother's arms. The second I laid my eyes on Dave, I made a promise to myself that whatever happens, I will always be there for him and never let him down.
We spent a good six years with each other; playing with each other, hanging around, teaching him to speak, feeding him, everything. We just loved doing everything together. When my parents were constantly yelling at me for my average performance in school, my little brother was there to bring sunshine to my dark life.
"You are my superman," Dave said once when we were playing with his toys.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because being with superman makes me happy." He said to me with a superman model in his hand. "And you make me happy too. So you are my superman." He continued.
I smiled and ruffled his hair.
Mom called a babysitter at home when they had gone for one of their 'dates'. I was at my friend's house and planned to sleep over there but the friend's aunt with her three children suddenly visited and thus, making no space available for me. So, as I was on my way home, I realized that there would be a babysitter for Dave. And it will be none other than Maria who flirts with me. She's our neighbor. Truth be told, I never fancied her. Don't get me wrong but she was just a bit too achieving. Like she would work so hard to do anything for everything.
As soon as I entered, I saw my brother watching television with Maria. Her eyes seemed naughty when she saw me whereas my brother seemed offended on my arrival. To avoid any other second of her talking with me, I told her to go. Little Dave did not like that idea. And Maria seemed like she didn't want to go either. She kept on telling me about the responsibility she has of my parents for Dave; she couldn't just leave. In the end, I had to lie that I have talked one with them and they were okay if you go now that I was there. She had no other reason to stay. Dave wanted Maria to stay but she had to go now that my parents allegedly told her to. She promised Dave she'd stay extra next time and then Dave seemed a little okay. He went to his room to grab a drawing he made for Maria and asked her to stay till he comes back thus, leaving me alone with her.
She was making her way towards me and I quickly put my hands in my pocket in search of something.
"What you searching there?" She asked. I refused to answer as I was dumbfounded by the apparent emptiness of my pockets.
"If you want, I could help you search your pockets," she said teasingly.
I was so thankful when my hands finally reached that ten bucks which I handed to her.
"For an hour, right?"
"You know, some girls out there can do wonders if you'd add a little bit more in this." She said while coming a little closer. I gulped down nervously. "Do you want me to be that kind of girl?"
I backed a little and said,
"It's no use. I--- I don't have any more um.... money."
"It's okay. Things can work out even with a 'yes' from you. Come on what do you say?" She continued pursuing.
But I told no. Several times but she kept on continuing it. Soon, Dave walked in and saw her almost kissing me. At least she had the decency to back off when she noticed Dave watching us. I didn't quite understand why but there was a hint of sadness and feeling of betrayed lied. She took the drawing and said admired it but Dave just lost the spark in his smile. She ruffled his hair and went off without even looking at me. Maybe she understood my emotions for her. The reason behind my uncertainty is because we never talked after that. She never babysat for my brother either. Sure I saw her in school a couple of times but she didn't talk to me and neither did I.
Ever since that happened, Dave and I just weren't us anymore. We'd talk and we'd play but there was always a compelling nature in him. Then as time flew by, we grew apart and apart for a reason I didn't know. Then when he was around thirteen years old, I finally asked him the reason he grew distant. At first, he hesitated to answer but when I didn't stop asking he said in annoyance,
"Because you were no longer the Superman for me. You were my Superman not just because you made me happy! I felt safe around you, I never expected a betrayal from you. I never thought you could ever hurt me. But when you were in that position with Maria, I just... (inhales deeply) I know it wasn't your mistake but that moment I realized you can hurt me too and that you are not my hero. And if you are not my hero then there is no kind of hero in the world. Do you know how traumatizing it is for a six-year-old to realize no such thing as a hero? You unknowingly killed that part of my childhood where you are just stupid and goofy. And I don't blame you, but I can't be with you as I was before. Sorry."
And that is the last deep and meaningful conversation we had.
I sometimes wonder if things would've been repaired between me and my brother if my parents wouldn't always lecture me and insult me. I know they do it for my good but it doesn't feel like it. After some point, it just feels exhausting and irritating; suicidal. And I am sure Dave must be blaming me somewhere. I know I would if Dave was the reason there would be an argument or a fight or a lecture every day. He must think that I should be doing better but little does he know that I try my best to do better. But if the heart says no, what can a person do? If the heart has been so dull and dark that it cannot think anything optimistic then what can the brain do? I have tried to rub this darkness off and to do better for my parents, my so-called friends, and my brother Dave. But I just sink in deeper.
The glimpse of that girl, however, changed the whole functioning of my heart. It suddenly gave it strings and a heartbeat. The day the girl with the red purse had an accident, Dave and I talked. Not like our usual formal talk but 'talk' talk. He asked me he was going to meet a boy tomorrow and that he wanted my opinion on what to wear. And then I knew that my brother was invested in boys and not girls. But I didn't react to let the situation be calm. I had no experience dressing up for a man but I couldn't just refuse my brother. He has asked for my help after all this time. I brought him out the outfit he looks the best in: a loose light green-colored half-sleeved shirt and white jeans. To not end this moment I asked,
"So who is this guy?"
"Just someone from school. His name is Hale."
"Nice name."
"He is a nice guy too. Makes me laugh and makes my heart sing."
"I think English Literature is running in you."
"Yeah, it started with that. He taught me English Literature. Everything he taught, I remember it by heart."
"Ms. Garden asked him to teach you?"
"Yes."
"She always knows what's best for us."
"Yeah, she does. I owe her so much for giving me a tutor like Hale."
"Hmm. Well, good luck with your 'meeting' with Hale." I said as I stood up to leave.
"Thanks, and thank you for helping me out with the outfit," Dave said.
"It's nothing. Good night." I said as I walked outside his room.
"Good night." He said back as he closed the door.
I saw you once and this conversation happened. Now you know I wasn't just blabbing when I said I had hope for life again after seeing you. I will see you again and thank in person for this change in my life.
To,
The unknown girl with the red purse.
From,
Love, 7509.'