"Don't look at me like that," I whisper quietly as Jayson stares into my eyes, pity obvious in his expression. He turns his gaze away from me, looking at the floor, but I can tell that he has questions, that he wants to know what happened and why it happened; and I know that I am going to have to explain at some point.
"Please don't tell anyone," I sound so vulnerable at the moment, and I hate it, but I need him to keep this a secret. I have managed to last 5 years without anyone at the school finding out about my father abusing me, and I don't want Jayson to be the one to spread the news now. He looks up at me confused and angry.
"How long has it been happening?" he grits out, his anger starting to control him. I've never seen Millard get this angry before, not even when us Zeus used to take the piss out of him. It confuses me.
"It's not really any of your business Millard," I state, my brows deeply furrowed in confusion, silently asking him why he would even care enough to ask.
"How long?" he asks again, he voice strained and his jaw clenched. The way that he is letting his anger take control of him is terrifying me to a point where I actually take a step away from him. His eyes follow my movements and he closes his eyes, taking in a deep breath, clearly trying to calm himself down.
"Just tell me how long, Eva," the use of my name takes me by surprise and all I can do is stare at him whilst he still has his eyes closed. The way that he seems so beaten down and desperate for me tell him makes my mouth open without my consent, words flying out that I don't want to be known.
"Since I was 4," the words are whispered out, hoping that he wouldn't hear them, but I know he did by the way that his body tenses, his eyes still closed as he thinks over my hushed words. I knew I had to explain further, I had the urge to defend my father in a way to show that he never beat me as a little kid, but I know that he doesn't deserve my defence and loyalty.
"It wasn't so bad when I was little, my mother would never let him hit me, but he would train me so I would be the best of the best when I joined the school. But when my mother died 5 years ago, it all changed," I close my eyes at the thought of my mother and the accident. Everything changed that night, my life became unbearable, the only solace was classes and being with my friends in the Zeus house, and now that is all gone this year because I can't even talk to my friends without losing this stupid bet and humiliating myself in front of everyone in Zeus; and now I have the fear of a punishment from my father.
"But he never usually does it in front of anyone,"
"Please don't tell me you're defending someone who hurts you," the words are spat at me, laced with disgust and disappointment. I sigh, reopening my eyes and looking into the furious eyes of Millard, his anger now partially aimed at me and no longer just at my father.
"He's my father, Millard," the rage ignites behind his eyes, making them burn a brighter blue, almost like they are fuelled by ice fire.
"A father should not treat a daughter like that, I mean, your jaw is already bruising Eva!" I flinch at the volume of his words. I can feel the bruises forming, making my face stained with the finger prints of my father. I'm used to the feeling though, the prolonged feeling of his hands on my body, but this time is different, someone else can see them as well.
"It doesn't matter, I'll cover them up in the morning and no one will know; I mean, it doesn't even hurt," that's a lie, it kills, it hurts to talk, but I won't tell him know that; I won't let him know how weak I am right now.
"You can't just cover the marks up and act like nothing happened!" he is standing right in front of me now, shouting in my face like I am a child being punished for doing something wrong. I feel tiny compared to him, I feel like I don't deserve to be in his presence with the way that he is disappointed in me right now and that angers me. I shouldn't have to feel this way, especially not with Millard of all people.
"Why do you even care, huh? I thought you would be happy to see me suffer considering how much you hate me and want me to fail in life. You should be getting tips from my father on how to torture me, not stood here lecturing me on how I should be living my life!" I shock myself at how loud I end up shouting at him, each word getting louder and louder until I am practically screaming in his face. I can feel angry tears brimming in my eyes, but I won't let them fall, I won't let him win.
"You don't know what you're talking about," he grits out, looking me dead in the eyes with a look that demands my attention, that demands no questions and no struggle, but I ignore the warnings and continue ranting, screaming at him until my throat hurts and I can barely speak a word.
"You can't stand there and lecture me, scold me like I am a child on what I should do with my father, what I should do with the bruises on my body when you have caused some of them yourself. You cannot stand there and demand that I tell you parts of my past when you don't care enough to listen to it. You have no right to demand anything of me when you care nothing about me or my life, so don't act like you can control my life just because I am living in this house, because that is not how this is going to work. I may have to live by your rules but I will not let you control me," with that, I turn my back to him and head back up to my room. Jayson calls my name a couple of times as I storm up the stairs but I ignore him, keeping my head held high until I come to the familiar white door. I quickly open it and slam it loudly behind me, locking it before sliding down it and sitting on the floor, pulling my legs up to my chest and resting my head on my bent knees.
I let out a soft sigh as I feel the emotions finally hit me like a brick. Tears of frustration, anger, sadness and pain all hit me at once and the only way I can handle them is through crying. I cry all of the emotions out, sobbing hard against my knees, the fabric of my jeans getting soaked by the continuous streams. I don't want to think that I am crying because of Millard because I always promised myself that I would never let him get to me like that; but he is part of the reason. The frustration of him thinking that he can control my life overweighs the sadness and pain from my father. The sadness of his words regarding my mother. My mother would not be disappointed in my decisions, she would let me explain and would then understand my reasoning. Father only knows how to be angry and hurt others.
The thought of my mother brings on a new wave of sobs. I haven't cried over her like this in a while, but after everything that just happened, I can't help but miss her. I know that she would be able to help in this situation, she would be able to calm my father down and myself, but she's not here anymore; she can't save me from this hell.
My mother was the only person who I could fall to when I was unhappy, or ill, or in pain; my father would just turn me away and make me fend for myself, and although I am not an only child, my brother was never around, was never really allowed to talk to me otherwise my father would punish me harder for manipulating my brother into doing my bidding. I mean I was 4, what 'bidding' did I have to do? He joined the army when our mother died, leaving me completely alone to deal with my father's wrath with no one to turn to at all, the only solace was joining Hallowell. Yes, the training sessions still happened but he wouldn't hurt me as bad for fear of being caught by other teachers or even my friends. So long as I keep my head down, my father doesn't bother me too much in school. Of course, that is all different now though.
I can't help the anxiety that begins to build in my chest at what my father has planned for me tonight. I know it will be nothing easy, he will test my limits and then once my limits have been met, he will push me over them, causing me unbearable pain no doubt, and there is nothing that I can do to stop it; if I don't turn up then it will only make matters worse. The easiest option would be to go to the session and be sore for the next week.
A sigh breaks past my lips as I push myself up, going over to my bags and begin to unpack everything. This has to be by far the worst part about coming back to school, I usually keep most of my stuff in my room at Zeus over the holidays, but of course I had to grab everything before coming to the house of hell, otherwise I wouldn't have any of my essentials.
I freeze when I get to a cardigan, my mother's cardigan that I managed to take before my father threw all of her belongings out, finding them too painful to have in the house after her death. I slowly reach out a hand to the fabric, shaking as I pick it up and place it up to my nose. I inhale deeply, almost sobbing at the strength of my mother's smell, it clinging onto the thin fabric for dear life, trying to keep her memory alive for as long as possible. I hug the cardigan to my body, silently wishing that my mother could show up, to take me away from this hell hole that I have to call home for the year.
"Eva?" I jump at the loud knocking echoing through the room, dropping the cardigan as I whip around to look at my closed door. "Can I come in?" the anger returns to my body at the voice coming from behind the door.
"No, I'm busy, I have to leave in 20 minutes," I bend down to pick the cardigan back up off the floor, hoping that they would leave me alone, but of course I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up.
"You're not going to that training session with your dad," I storm over to the door, unlocking it and yanking it open so fast that the door slams against the wall. Millard is standing in front of me looking like a deer caught in headlights, and usually the sight would amuse me, but just looking at his face angers me further.
"You have no right to decide that," I seethe, glaring at the boy with a death stare.
"You'll lose the bet if you do, you're not allowed to do anything from your usual routine, so if you go then you lose the game," he shrugs as if it's no big deal, as if me defying my father is an easy option, but he doesn't know anything about my father.
"This is not a game Millard, this is my life, I know that your goal is to ruin my life, but you will not control it," I scoff, turning away from and moving back into my room, grabbing more clothes out of my bags and hanging them up in the wardrobe.
"I'm being serious Eva-"
"Can you stop calling me that, acting as if we're friends!" I shout at him, coming out of the wardrobe to face him again as he still stands by the door "this shouldn't even concern you, none of this should be any of your business, you know nothing of my life and you know nothing of my father, so stop acting like you do," I'm fuming by the end, staring at Millard with such hatred that I'm surprised he is able to keep eye contact.
"Your father abuses you, and you think I'm just going to let you go and see him on your own?" Millard asks, looking at me with a look that says do-you-really-think-I'm-that-stupid?
"Do you not realise that if you don't let me go and see my father, he will beat me worse than you could ever imagine? You think that that little display downstairs was bad? You have no idea," my words are venom, the meaning true and hateful as Jayson still stands in the doorway to the room, the look of determination still plastered on his face. I can tell that he isn't going to give this up easily.
"Please understand that you would be wishing me practically dead if you do not let me go," I never thought that I would have to plead this hard to go and see my father, which I don't even really want to do anyways.
"Fine, you can go tonight, but I swear to God that if he hurts you to the point where I can see the evidence, then you're never going back there again," his words shock me, but the truth behind them shocks me even more. I can tell that he is being serious by the fire that has lit behind his eyes, a rage burning just from the thought of me being hurt. I stare at him, not expecting the words to come from him, or the raw emotion along with them.
"You're going to be late," Jayson coughs out, quickly closing the door making me jump at the sudden sound, breaking me from my shocked state. The thought of Jayson remotely caring about me makes me shiver in … I'm not sure whether its disgust, surprise or even pleasure, but it is unwelcome.
I look at my watch and realise that I really am going to be late if don't hurry up; especially now that the training ground is a further fifteen-minute walk from the Ares house.
As fast as I can, I change into a pair of gym shorts, a sports bra and a hoodie before racing out of the house, running as fast as I can to the meeting point, but I already know that I am going to be late, and that will only fuel my father further.
"Ten minutes late. You are really testing my patience today child," my father shouts as he sees me running from around the corner, I utter back a small apology, trying to catch my breath from my sprint here.
"Give me twenty laps of the school, now!"
NINE HOURS LATER:
I feel bruises forming on every limb, my eye swelling from the swift punches that I gained during our boxing session. Blisters forming on my feet from the many laps that I had to run around the school, and not to mention the few gashes that I gained from our weapons sparing, us both armed with a small sword but mine blunt while my father's sword has just been sharpened. This is the longest that I have ever had to train with my father, our sessions usually only lasting two hours or so, and I have never felt so beat up and exhausted. Every one of my bones ache and groans whenever I move, my joints seizing from the cold of the night and my throat burning from the lack of water and rest that I have been allowed.
"What are the rules of this childish game that you are involved in?" the question startles me as I turn my head in his direction so that I can look at him clearly. He is sat on a bench nearby as he watches me try to catch my breath back from the many laps he has just made me run. His face is serious as he asks the question, curiosity clear behind his eyes, but he tries to hide it with a bored expression. I swallow hard, trying to wet my dry mouth before answering;
"I must obey any task given to me by the Ares house, and I am not allowed to talk to my friends or do anything from my previous routine, except for my classes," my answer is short as my lungs struggle to gain air from a longer answer, but it gets the point across. My father nods his head in absent understanding and turns his eyes away from me, disgust filling his face, probably at the sight of my weeping eye, which I am sure is now a deep blackish-purple.
"Am I right to assume that these sessions are no longer allowed to continue whilst you are in this bet then?" I nod my head slowly at the question, fearing the rage that is sure to follow, but he only nods again, turning his gaze away from me.
"As I thought, that is why we have worked so hard tonight, I hope that this lasts you for however long this bet lasts for. Of course, I shall be checking up on you every now and again to make sure that you are winning this bet. If I find out that any of the teacher become aware of you staying in a different house, you will wish I had killed you when you were born," I nod my head again, a shiver racing through my aching bones at the severity of his words, which I don't doubt for a second.
"You may leave now," a sigh of relief leaves my body as my father walks away from me towards the principal's house, not looking back for a second to see if I make it out of the training area okay. Why would he? He's the one who has caused me all of this pain.
Slowly I make my way back to the Ares house, willing my aching limbs to wait until we are in the warmth of the house before giving up on me. I don't have the intention of staying out in the cold all night. With a great struggle, and a couple of needed breaks, the Ares house peaks out from behind the trees, giving me enough strength to push myself the few feet forward to make it to the door. Before I am even able to attempt at opening the heavy wooden doors, I find myself falling into warm, strong arms, my legs giving out under the pressure and leaving me to fall once again.
"What has he done to you?" I hear Millard's voice says softly into my ear. I look up slowly to meet his sad yet angry eyes, but I know he is not angry with me. I sigh, feeling the warmth of the house surrounding me as I am picked up off of the floor and brought in. I feel myself being carried up the stairs before the darkness finally creeps up to me and swallows me in.