Isaac's POV
"You've got to be kidding me," I say as I stare up at the massive 17 feet tall statue weighing over 12,000 pounds that is world-famous for its abnormally small penis.
"Nope," James says as he gets to work attaching the harness to Michelangelo's David statue.
"This has to be some twisted joke then. I mean why the David?" I say as I marvel at the size and care out into the sculpture.
"Because Marcella wants it and as long as your boy is sticking his peen where it doesn't belong then he and by extension, you, will do whatever Marcella says" he replies with a straight face and a grunt as he fastens the cords.
"Well someone's a little grumpy" I reply loudly cause why should I back down from a fight with this little idiot.
"Oh really? I hadn't noticed. Why don't you tell me what fresh shit crawled up your ass today and we can make it into a game. You tell me your problems and I'll see whether mine are bigger" he says with a sarcastic smile before ignoring me and going straight back to work but if you know me then you'd know that I'm a sore loser who loves battles involving wit and cussing. The latter rather than the former is always preferred.
"You know what Johnnie, that's a splendid idea. Why don't you go first" I say in a sickly sweet tone with a wide smile on my face.
"It's James" He grits out and I quickly reply "Oh I'm sure I'd know if it was. But you and I both know that your name is Jeremiah, like the prophet" I say with a smirk that infuriates him even further but after a few huffs and pants he smiles before saying "Well, in that case, I'm angry because I'm stuck in a museum with a quick-witted bastard who keeps getting my name wrong" he says as he fastens more ropes to the statue.
"This is progress jimmy you should be proud of yourself," I say while stroking my chin thoughtfully like a therapist and James almost objects to me calling him jimmy, but instead just mutters 'fair enough' under his breath and goes back to work.
We work in silence for a few minutes but my restlessness and impulsive behavior gets the better of me as I strike up a conversation with James again.
"So what's the plan Jimmy?" I ask as we attach the last of the ropes and he visibly contemplates on it before eventually deciding to trust me with the plan.
"The David statue has been on loan to the Louvre from Florence for the last two months. That loan expires tomorrow at which point a crane was to be used to load it onto a special trolley and later onto the truck. So we're going to use their own plan to steal the statue tonight" He says before signaling Ryan over the radio that the statue is secure and ready for transport.
"Wait that's the whole plan?" I ask him in mock horror. "What about the gunfights and the car chases? What about the clever plan to hide the statue in plain sight while we make our escape" I ask him in exaggerated and frankly very unbelievable tones of shock.
"Well if it makes you feel any better you can remove the cleverly planted tracking device from the statue," He says as he gives me a pat on the shoulder and I will admit that this is not as interesting as the redheaded vacationing banker I gave up on for this job tonight, but I'm curious about where the tracker was placed so I agree and run up to the statue to scan for the tracking signal and honestly I regret my choice almost immediately.
It turns out that one of the world's best-kept secrets is that in 1987 a security guard at the Galleria dell'Accademia was a disgraced art restorationist who got a little friendly with a drill and some of the statues.
It also doesn't help that James just took a picture of me reaching my hand between the legs of the statue and behind its balls.
"I love how much effort you're putting into appreciating the art," James says with a sly smirk
"I'm a drug dealer, occasional thief and full-time criminal with a business degree and a law degree, I think I'd appreciate the art better if someone else appreciated it for me," I say pleadingly but James is having none of that today.
"I would but Jimmy needs to rest his hands for driving. Also, I heard that to preserve the structural and artistic integrity of the sculpture they weren't able to clean it all out" He says with stifled laughter as white flakes fall to the floor from the hole my hand currently is in.
Let's just say that things got a little quieter after that and I may have started calling James by his legally appointed name.
We load the statue into the truck before I go back in to grab my stuffy mask that I left in the security room where all the guards are currently knocked out cold.
I run back and hop into the passenger's seat but before we can drive off into the sunset, a cop car pulls up in front of us.
They say people skip a heartbeat whenever they experience true beauty. I personally think that it's an excuse men give to women they want to have sex with. In my defence I hadn't yet met her.
Honestly, there wasn't anything remarkable about her apart from the fact that she was so far from my usual demographic.
She wasn't tall or leggy. Her hair was plain, straight, and sat in a perfect bun atop her head. Her body shape was covered by a hideously oversized police jacket but that wasn't what caught my attention.
It was the smile on her face even though she worked a thankless job. It was the friendly way she said hello to us.
It's also the fact that when James pulled his gun to shoot her after she asked us for our IDs, I pulled the gun towards my chest and almost got myself shot.
It's the fact that I jumped out of the vehicle and let James drive away as I attended to her.
It's the fact that I'm currently driving a cop car towards a hospital to save a woman who might arrest me and the only thought racing through my head is 'Please don't die'.