For some reason, I want to call today as "important", because what happened today changed my life forever.
It rained today. A heavy downpour with thunder and beautiful lightning impressed me so much that I went for a walk.
I love walking in the rain. I breathed in the scent of wet grass and leaves, I breathed in the scent of the sky and clouds.
Of course, from such a shower, I could not open my eyes. And my shoes were soaking wet and my toes were already swimming in the water.
But I was glad. I listened to the sounds of thunder and every time it sounded so loud that I had to bend down slightly, but my heart was joyful. Perhaps thunder and the sound of falling drops on the asphalt, my favorite symphony.
But who would have known that today's rain will change my life so much that I will not have time to come to my senses as I will acquire the "most important thing" in my life.
I had been walking on the football field for half an hour and while my legs were circling around the drawn circle, I heard the voices of students. They screamed for me to go inside or I could catch a cold.
But what amazed me more was that their voices sounded louder than rain.
But I ignored them.
I was not afraid.
But I got scared just at that moment when I heard a heartbreaking cry, the cry of a man who was not far from me.
"I can't! What is it? Why is everything like this?! "
These same words he shouted several times.
At first I thought it was a student and I didn't even see him. But my curiosity carried me forward.
The closer I walked towards the pavilions, the more I could hear him cry.
The man was crying, there was no doubt about it.
I walked straight ahead, his cry called me. I wanted to help.
And then I finally saw him.
He was a young man, but definitely not a student's age. Through the raindrops that calmed down due to the fact that nature held its breath at such a fateful moment, I was able to see his appearance.
He had blonde hair that looked like the color of the sun. So bright that even under the raindrops, they emitted bright shades of white and pale yellow.
I couldn't see his face, bangs covered his eyes and nose.
He was wearing plaid pants and a black shirt.
We were the same height with him.
And when I wanted to be convinced of this and come closer, then suddenly this man fell to his knees, shouted the words "I can't!" and just as abruptly jumped up and ran away.
Even if I was so close to him, he did not notice me. Well, for some reason at that very moment I showed an introvert in myself and could not come up and ask how I could help him.
After this strange event, I had to return to the university and begin a five hour lecture on the subject of Zarathustra.
During these five hours, standing at the blackboard in a suit covered with rain drops, like the strangest person who came to the lecture as if he had come out of the shower, I still heard the voice of this guy. He cried so loudly and hard that I felt all his pain.
What happened to him and why was he on the campus? (He was definitely not a student. I would have noticed such blond hair)
On such a cloudy day, a bright sun appeared in my life and then I did not know that the light of the rays of this star would change my whole life.
That evening, after a five-hour lecture, my best and only friend whose name is of Japanese origin - Ikuta invited me to dinner at his home.
Looking into his bright eyes filled with the joys of life, I knew why he wanted to invite me to dinner for the tenth time in a month.
It's all about his daughter, who never stops seeing me as a future husband.
Ikuta, many years older than me. He has three children whom he raised himself. His wife left him after giving birth to her third child and leaving the baby in his arms, she closed the door of the two-story cottage forever.
Raising three children is not so easy for a man. But at the same time, he never complained to me. He liked being a father like no one else. His children were everything to him.
Besides his love for literature, he loved his children more than anything else. And after work, he always skipped corporate parties and ran home with a happy smile to have dinner with his friendly team.
Work and home were the most important things for him.
And I respected him for the fact that becoming a father, he completely forgot about women. He took on the role of father with pride. And not for a minute did he doubt that his life could be better.
He had one daughter and two sons.
His daughter was already 25 years old, and his sons were 18 and 20.
When the car stopped, I noticed his daughter who joyfully greeted us with energetic movements of her hand.
At the sight of her, millions of stars lit up on Ikuta's face. Perhaps he is the best father in the world.
"Professor Skye, I'm very glad to see you!" said his daughter smiling a little shyly at me.
I liked her. Namely, for the fact that she did not pay attention to her words. I liked her because she was real and her emotions were never fake.
If she was sad, she said so, but if it was funny, then she could laugh until she dropped.
Ikuta's daughter is perhaps the dream of any guy. She could be just a friend and a very good wife who would never reproach anyone for anything.
But I probably did not see my dream in her. Although in me she clearly saw her future life. And sometimes I wanted to tell her that she doesn't need anyone. That someone like her should strive to become a president and show her mind in all branches of science than to become someone's wife.
And when I straightened my tie, she put her hand on my shoulder and asked, "Is there a day when you look less elegant?!"
"Actually, I'm here," Ikuta said, rolling his eyes, although he, too, clearly saw in me a future son-in-law.
Ikuta's daughter took me by the hand and led me into the living room where, as expected, a table filled with various vegetarian dishes awaited me. (Forgot to mention that I am a dedicated vegetarian)
"Professor Skye, I hope you take your time today as you always do. Today I have prepared a special dish for you, and I would not want you to hurry up and not feel the exquisite taste, for example, of this salad. "
I looked into her brown eyes and mentally I screamed to her, "Your place is not in the kitchen, and you were not born to cook for me or for anyone else." I wanted to tell her this, but perhaps my modesty and sometimes excessive restraint did not allow me to play the role of a hero.
"Moone is always in a hurry. I do not know what he does in the evenings. But you should have seen how he hurries home after work. Sometimes I even wonder if he's got a girlfriend, "Ikuta said patting me on the back.
I didn't say anything, I just made a displeased look.
"Do not look at me so. It doesn't matter how many years I already know you, but you still don't have a girlfriend. "
His daughter gave me a suspicious look and handed me a glass full of orange juice. But when her red lips opened, she nevertheless asked, "I've always wondered why such a beautiful person still has no one? Do you have any secrets? "
I know what she was hinting at. She wanted to know if I am gay. But my answer was clear and understandable for everyone who sat in this living room. And I replied, "I have never been interested in the relationship between two people. I'm not interested in either women or men."
And then Ikuta laughed out loud and looked at his daughter as if he wanted to calm her down. But she was not worried about it. Her confidence was above anything else.
"Your answer means you haven't met your person yet," she said and sat down opposite me.
"Or maybe I don't see the need for it. People meet each other every second and part just as quickly. The world is full of men and women. Everything is the same for everyone. Sorry for being rude, but I don't like doing and wanting what everyone wants. Perhaps here, I want to be an individual," I replied, catching Ikuta's gaze that was full of displeasure.
And then he quoted John Donne, "No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main."
"I think this is a ridiculous comparison. Of course, there is no person who would be like an island. After all, a person still needs food, clothing, education. Well, the island doesn't need anything. "
"I think you understand the essence of this thought."
"Boys don't argue."
I moved closer to her and peering into her square-shaped earrings, I asked, "What do you think?"
"About that man or land or island?" She looked at me. The look of a real genius. But instead of flashing her mind, she just laughed like any other girl and replied, "I totally agree with John Donne."
"Stop that! You don't need to hide your mind! " I wanted to scream in her face, but instead I said, "In this case, I am an island. And I've been an island for 34 years now. "
"What about your parents? You weren't alone from birth, were you? "
"My parents are islands too. But we are just in the same ocean and we are not far from each other. "
"Stop talking. Let's eat," Ikuta ordered me before I could say something strange, something that would make his daughter fall in love with me even more.
After a hearty dinner, I got up from the table and walked towards the fireplace above which hung a picture painted by Ikuta's daughter. The painting depicted some kind of young man who was standing all alone in the field. He stood in the field and there was no one around.
I loved looking at this picture. In this, I found a certain calm. And perhaps this picture was perhaps the reason why I did not refuse Ikuta's invitation.
What She wanted to say by this painting this masterpiece, which was supposed to hang in one of the most prestigious museums rather than at home over the old fireplace.
I asked her many times about this picture, but she didn't tell me anything. And then I just told her, "You have talent in everything."
To which she simply shrugged.
Looking at the picture, the way the white sky turned to dark blue towards the corner of the canvas, I could smell her hair behind me.
"Would you like to drink some wine?" she asked.
"No thanks."
"You always look at this picture like that. Do you really like this so much? "
"And even very much."
"You see yourself in this, right?"
"No. In this picture, I see you. And the fact that you are just like this boy, free, lonely, and at the same time full of mind and dreams."
She came closer to me. And then I started to worry.
Her elbow almost touched my arm.
"Drawing this picture, I wanted to convey ..." she began, but her beloved father interrupted her with his, "Guys, let's watch a movie!"
I looked at my watch sharply and quickly run towards the door until he turned on his favorite movie called "The Sky over Berlin" for the billionth time, I said, "I guess I have to go. I still have to check my students' essays. So I'll go."
"What kind of friend are you?" he grumbled and lay down on the sofa, covering himself with a blanket.
"Let me show you."
Before leaving, I looked at Her and said, "I really liked the lentil cutlets."
"I could cook them for you every day."
"Don't waste your life on me or anyone else. Trust me, you deserve the Nobel Prize for your unique thoughts. You shouldn't be chasing the dreams that almost every young girl has in the hearts," I finally said that.
I saw that she understood me, but without answering, she just stood on tiptoe and jumped a little more to reach my face and kissed me on the cheek.
On this, for tonight I was free.
The evening was warm and gentle. The pink sky overhead pulled me to sleep. The scent of flowers and the feeling of relaxation after a long day was in the air. People walked home lazily, knowing that they would finally take off their shoes and feel the comfort and softness of their carpets with bare feet.
I passed houses that did not differ from each other. Schoolchildren ran past me, cars drove past me, the world ran past me.
I walked slowly. There was no hurry for me.
I tried to see everything around. I loved evenings. Only in the evenings I felt that I am alive and that I am part of this world.
And when I got to my house, at the door I noticed a letter in a golden envelope.
I knew who sent me this letter.
I knew that this was an invitation to the annual meeting of all thinkers of this city, country.
Every year I was invited to a meeting where there were philosophers, writers, poets, scientists, artists. But I missed every such meeting. Not that I was arrogant and thought that their talents did not deserve attention, this is not at all the point, but that I am the Island.
I am on my own. And it has always been that way.
I dropped the letter on the nightstand and quickly entered my office.
I lit a floor lamp and fell into my chair. The room was in disorder. There was dust on the table.
For a while I sat and looked at a rack with all sorts of books, awards and statuettes.
But a bunch of papers were waiting for me. I should have checked every essay. But the point was, each student's essay was the same.
Opinions, where are their opinions. And they are not! Everything is taken from books or from the Internet! What originality.
There was no point in continuing to read essays written on half a page.
Now, I could be lazy all night.
I went to the kitchen and made myself some hot chocolate. The first stars began to appear in the sky. I looked at the stars and lost myself. I lost myself as a man in love is lost in other eyes.
Love…
I remembered Ikuta's daughter. It was clear from her that she had feelings for me.
But I don't feel anything.
I believe in love. But only one that lasts only a few seconds. For example, when you are sitting at a train station and suddenly you see some kind of person and suddenly this person is interesting to you. But in the blink of an eye, this person disappears from sight. And that's all. The love is over.
I believe in this kind of love.
Everything in this world goes on too fast, and what has a long existence is really nothing more than pretense.
People don't like this answer, people want to believe in love. But this book is about me, so here I have the right to be selfish, whether you like it or not.
And then there is a question that surprised me: "Who is that guy with sunny hair?"