"Mr. Hans!, Mr. Hans" I went on shouting and followed him into his office. He suddenly stopped and looked back at me expressionless.
"What? Why?" He asked suddenly.
"I… I... just" I started stuttering suddenly. "Please just give me a different genre, I promise I'll put all my might into it and just work on it. Huh? Please." I said finally.
"What makes you not like this genre?"
"Sir, I've never worked on it and... and I just don't know how to even create anything on it."
"Miss Zara, then why didn't you start your own work on whatever genre you liked?"
"I was, I was... I was just about to start writing again." I said still stuttering.
He just looked at me.
"Look, you had plenty of time. You didn't come up with anything. I don't want others to assume that you're struggling with creating your own work."
"I wasn't struggling, I just needed some time, that's all."
"Zara, let's be real. Just admit it. It's writer's block, right?."
I was just shocked to hear what he just said. I just stared at him blankly without uttering a word. I couldn't utter anything, I just went blank. Writer's block? I asked myself. Was it the problem? Was it the problem that everyone questioned around me and I just didn't know, no, wouldn't, no, couldn't admit it myself. It hurt me to hear him say it, but maybe it was a little true. I just couldn't write whatever I did want to. And I just didn't know why.
I just continued to question myself, and stared blankly.
"Zara,..." Hans said and just sighed. "Come sit down."
I went and sat down.
He didn't say anything, neither did I. We just stayed silent there, seated.
He finally said, "Why don't you work on this, and see?"
"I'm not sure." I said with a sigh.
"What are you afraid of?" Hans asked. I just looked at him, it was like he was asking the questions, I ask my own self, which I couldn't even find answers to.
"I don't know." I said.
"You still don't want to change your mind, huh?" He asked.
I just nodded. He sighed again.
"I'll start working on something different. Just assign me with something else. Please." I said looking at him.
"Okay, let's do this then." He said finally, and it finally gave me some hope.
"I'll give you a month's time to think and do whatever. Think about something on this genre and still, if you can't come up with anything; I'll let you work on anything you like afterwards. But If you still can't some up with anything by the end of the time, I want you to start working on whatever you like right away with no excuse." He said which made me puzzled.
"Isn't it the same thing?" I asked.
"No. It's not. I'm giving you time that the others don't have. So use it properly and see."
"Sir, it's the same..."
"Don't you see that you have a choice here. To do whatever you want after a month's time, if you still can't work on the new genre."
"But, I'm still stuck on the new genre."
"Zara, Just think of it as a new opportunity and try. Just try and see."
"Try and see?" I asked him.
"Yes! Just try and see. Challenge yourself and see." he said and smiled.
I didn't know what to do. It was no use. I gave up and just nodded my head finally.
"Okay, I'll see." I said.
"Great. Off you go then." he said.
I stood up from the seat and came out of the office. Still thinking what I was going to do now. I just headed straight to my office and called Paul in.
He came dashing in to my office.
"Are you okay?, Miss Zara?" He asked. I just looked up at him and sighed.
"Can you get me something sweet?" I asked.
"Yeah, sure." He said without further ado and went off.
I just waited for him in my office. My hands held onto my heavily bent down head. I was there silently with no thoughts in my head. I felt so chaotic inside and didn't want to think anymore. It felt like the world was coming to an end.
I looked up as I heard a knock on my door. Finally, Paul is here. I wanted to shove down every single piece of whatever he brought.
But what I saw was a face that I wasn't expecting to see. Oh, yeah. I almost forgot, the book covers, I forgot to contact him when I was free.
"Come in, I'm sorry. I was just not in the right mind. I almost forgot it. I'm so sorry." I said, honestly feeling bad for the new fellow.
"It's fine" He said with a chuckle as he came in.
"Have a seat, please."
He pulled the chair right next to my desk and sat down. I was about to apologize once again to him, when he looked at me suddenly.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Me? Yeah... yeah. Why?"
He just nodded and looked at me again.
"We can work on the covers later, I think... it'll fine." he said.
"You think?" I asked back.
"I hope so..." he said again.
It was funny for some unknown reason. Maybe I couldn't cry and just had to laugh. I laughed. He looked at me in surprise and laughed along.
"What?" He asked laughing.
"Nothing. I'm just so drowned with work. I can barely cry, so I'm laughing."
"Why, that's one positive way to face life." he said.
"Exactly." I said.
"Miss Zara?" He said.
"Hmm?"
"Do you want to skip work?" he asked making me puzzled.
"Hmm?!" I noted in surprised.
"It's okay, not to be okay. We're all humans after all." he said.
This new guy is interesting, I thought. No one would probably dare to come in, into my office at such bad timing. Maybe he just didn't know about me yet. He just had the guts to come in and say it was okay not to be okay to me, to me. And even ask me to skip work with him. How wrong it all sounded in my ear but deep down inside I liked those words. It was surprising and much lively.
"Okay. Let's skip work." I said looking at him.