We are sat still - he's looking down at the grass and my gaze is fixed on his hands that are playing about with the hems if his clothes. He told what seems to be everything.
Josh, Lucas and Isaac used to be quite close, untill Lucas had the brilliant idea to go steal a car one night. Josh said that he tried to persuade him out of doing that, but as Isaac agreed to it he was peer pressured to do it too but never went through with the plan and backed out. When he found out that they did it he couldn't bear staying friends with him, especially as Nicole, Lucas' twin sister, tried reasoning with them and failed. From the looks of it Isaac follows Lucas around out of fear and protection and he's mad at Josh for betraying the trio and starting to hang out with other people, like me and Alis. Lila is Isaac's ex boyfriend, they broke up when Isaac sided with Lucas instead of listening to Nicole's advice to return the stolen car. It's such a complicated dinamic and it surprises me how calm and how well he hid this whole thing from me so easily. Perhaps he would have never even told me if they didn't just surprise him outside school.
"You did the right thing" I say once I have processed the facts with a feeble smile, "It was hard but you did it anyways."
Then Josh stands up, grabbing my hands and pulling me up to and gives me a quick hug as a 'thank you' note and then we make way towards home.
"I would have told... Eventually, I don't like how you found out like this..." he says scratching the back of his neck as we are walking down the path on the little hill, "I'm sorry, I don't want you to think I don't trust you because I do"
His statement makes me smile a little as it answers the question that has been roaming through my mind. I know Josh is a nice person and he wouldn't do such a thing like steal a car, I trust that he told me the truth and I'm glad that he trusts me enough to tell me things.
"I trust you too... Let's talk about something else now..."
He nods quickly and the conversation shifts quickly from a sad, bittersweet note to a mouth-watering chat about food.
°°°
Some time later I reached home and I'm surprised by a rather flustered Alis sitting by the front door. I speed up my pace and reach up to her and she stands up and wraps me with a big hug. The weather is a little chilled and she's only wearing a thin layer of clothing which is probably why her embrace is so cold to the touch.
"Can I stay at yours for a few days?" she asks in a feeble voice that feels like thin nylon. I simply nod in response and then open the front door. As we walk in I realise that she came with a little bag probably stuffed with clothing and my mind wanders about what could have possibly happened.
Once we are all settled in my room, she's sat on my bed holding a pillow while I'm sat on the bean bag chair opposite one side of my bed.
"I can get you water if you need..."
"No, it's okay, I have something to tell you" she shakes her head but never raises her gaze to meet mine, "My parents have been fighting, a lot, at this point I try to stay home just to stop them from eating each other and because the whole argument thing has caused my parents to slip back on housework. I take care of it alone... But it's really starting affect me and I can't stand their constant arguing... I understand that they are having some problems at work or something bu-but I-I..."
I jump up my seat and run straight to Alis as she begins to tear up. The situation has clearly had a mental toil on her but I'm glad she trusted me enough to tell me.
"You know you can stay for as long as you need and if you want we can work something out to help your situation at home, okay?" I try to smile in reassurance. "So, now I think you need something to distract you completely, like we can have a little movie night if you want and even make your favourite toffee popcorn to snack whilst watching."
She smiles to the idea and I pull her up and literally drag her down downstairs jokingly. As we get out the ingredients we also flick through a movie catalogue online trying to find a comedy movie to watch. By the time we are done making the popcorn we have finally chosen the movie and set up in the living room to watch it.
"I just love your couch, it's so soft" says Alis as she preceeds to throw her full body weight on it. I giggle a little, content to see a glimpse of more joy in her compared to earlier.
Today has been quite the day between the encounter with Lucas and Isaac and now the things that Alis told me. They are all going through so much and I'm just grateful that they trust me enough to tell me. Trust is very important to me because trust was the thing my parents didn't have not telling me about my brother, making it into some sort of scavenger hunt where I have to pick the clues from all over the place trying to conjure up what could possibly be the final picture. I ask myself how things could have turned out to be if only they had told me sooner but at last there's no point living in the past, ruminating over the what ifs as though we could turn back time and do it all over again, as humans we mess up and that's perfectly fine too.