I silently sulk as I make my way back to the dining hall.
Though lunchtime is almost over by now I hoped a nice sandwich would lift my spirits a little. I look around for Marshal, but he must've gone to the gym already.
'At least there's hardly a line.'
I grab a sandwich and fruit and start heading toward the gym. The meal only momentarily sates my aching heart, and before I know it I'm back at the dorms lying awake in bed. The cacophony of thoughts that swirl in my head are so disorganized they only amount to a near-deafening silence.
A clicking noise prompts me to sit up a little and look at the door. The familiar head of Marshal peeks through. He tosses his pack onto his bunk and looks up at me.
"Good, you're awake," Marshal says, slipping off his jacket.
"Come down here. I wanna talk," he says, grabbing the desk chair.
I reluctantly clamber down from my bunk already knowing what Marshal wanted to say. I sit down on his bed, while he turns the desk chair backwards then sits.
"You wouldn't tell me during dinner so tell me here," Marshal says, rocking back and forth lightly in his chair, "What's the plan."
I divert my eyes and laugh dejectedly, "What plan. I don't have one."
Marshal's brow furrows in annoyance, "Listen I know you're planning something. I want to help. So just tell me so I can."
"That's nice but really I haven't planned anything…well—" I stop thinking back to what took place in the hall.
"Well?"
"The one I did have failed," I mumble.
"Well then, let's make a new one. I know you're worried about her and I am too. I thought she'd come around sooner, and then I heard some whispers of her being sick," Marshal says, shaking his head, "It's possible, but way too convenient."
"I heard the same story," I tell him.
"Well, all the more reason to make a plan and see for ourselves. Tell me about that other plan of yours. We'll build from there," Marshal says.
And I tell him. He only stops me twice. First to ask for the sketch, and second to ask if I managed to catch their room number. Once I'm done he's stroking his chin thinking.
"Well, the simplest thing to do would be going directly to her, right," Marshal asks, glancing at me. I nod, but the idea had the same problem I thought of this morning.
"What about Vanty," I ask.
"Well, there's two of us so one of us just has to distract her," Marshal offers.
I nod.
It made sense, but we definitely needed to smooth this plan out.
We stay up for two hours modifying the plan, offering new ideas, and finally settling on a variation of the original that'd end best even with a major failure. It's simple.
Since it was decided—after much back and forth—I had the best shot of sneaking in undetected. Marshal would distract Vanty as long as he could while I talked to Kate. I estimated I'd need around an hour so that was his baseline. If she left early, was coming back to the dorms, or couldn't be distracted he'd give me the signal. We also both agreed she was likely not ill and shutting herself away because of the incident. So before I snuck in I'd bake some cookies to aid in my efforts to console her.
Though during our discussion I surprised myself at wanting to take the distracting role. That'd keep me furthest from Kate even after wanting to see her so badly after these past few days, but if I'm honest I knew the reason. Deep down I'm scared to face her. Scared that I won't be enough to banish whatever plagued her.
"Alright," Marshal cheers, "Operation 'Cheer up Kate' is a go."
I manage to smile, but my intense longing has now been masked in a blanket of fear. Marshal walks over to me and pats my shoulder.
"Have some life about ya Benji. We're gonna save our princess from her tower tomorrow," he says, with a laugh.
I get off his bed and clamber back into mine. He turns off the overhead crystal and settles into bed.
"Rest well, Benji," he says.
"Rest well, Marshal," I respond, closing my eyes, drifting off.
And after last night's rest, my fear has reserved to smoldering below the surface in the form of anxiety which I greatly preferred. Marshal is jovial as ever and this morning's breakfast is already singing our praises.
'I'm sure she'll be alright. When we talk…I'm sure she'll feel better.'
This thought however brought me little comfort, and unlike before I talked to Vanty I'm not so sure anymore—it made me uneasy. Despite this I let the rose-colored fantasy of Kate's return consume me. Marshal bumps me with his elbow with a toothy grin as we walk to the gym.
"Feeling much better today I see."
I look away smiling—feeling my ears burn. I wouldn't deny it, but I also wouldn't give him the satisfaction of an answer either. After sparring I'm practically sprinting out of the gym.
"You remember the plan right," I ask Marshal, running in place.
"Yes Yes, now hurry up, we're meeting a few hours before sunset," he says, shooing me away.
He'd scared me at lunch when he originally told me he found Vanty and told her to meet him somewhere.
"What if she gets suspicious," I'd asked.
"Calm down, I already told her what we're gonna talk about so she won't even have to speculate," Marshal'd said.
"What are you going to talk about," I'd asked.
"Fighting, more specifically the exam duels. Also, the elf lands if I can sneak that in," he says with a wink.
"Don't blow it," I'd sighed.
Marshal struck his fist to his chest in a salute.
"You got it!"
I sigh, shaking my head even now at his bold move, but in the end, it wasn't the worst idea to make plans with her rather than bumping into her by chance. But because I'd talked to her yesterday I was a little on edge. I place my hand on the door to the Cooking Club. I'm panting because of the escape drills I just did in Survival Basics minutes before coming here.
Thankfully it was one of our shorter meetings being a little over an hour, but that just meant our drills and lessons this weekend will be just as long as they usually are if not longer. And if I'm unlucky they'll be particularly hellish or intricate.
This worry, however, melts away as a symphony of aromas envelop me as I enter the cooking room. Ms. Saccharo waves to me from her cooking station where she is currently dredging some cuts of meat.
"Hello Benji," she calls to me, "Do you need any more soup recipes for today?"
I shake my head, "Not today Ms. Saccharo. I have a dish in mind already."
I head toward my station. Ms. Saccharo gives me a thumbs up and continues working on her dish.
Yesterday Mr. Ranviel had told her about my want to speak with Kate's roommate, which ended in Ms. Saccharo insisting I take some soup with me to my non-existent visit with Kate. Once I have my station prepped I claw at my memory trying to remember the steps Kate used to make her childhood cookie.
As I work I let myself get lost in the process, before finally shaping the two doughs into rectangle bricks and wrapping them in cheesecloth. I slide them into the cooling oven and wait. This baking process calmed me greatly. I look fondly to Kate's empty station next to me and grip my fist.
'Everything is going to turn out fine.'
Soon the cookies are baked, and pretty in all their checkered glory. I eat one comparing its flavor to my memory.
Too stingy with vanilla extract. And it definitely doesn't have enough cocoa powder. Needs more sugar too. In other words—
'It's not sweet enough.'
I can't tell if it's my tongue being overly critical and exaggerating, but the fact is I'm out of time. Even if I mixed twice as fast the cooling and baking process would take too long for me to even attempt a second batch. I silently hope it's just my imagination as I bag the cookies.
As I pull the drawstring, I wave goodbye to Ms. Saccharo, secure the bag at my side, and head to the dorms.
The sun will be setting soon—I estimate in an hour or so—and while I didn't know exactly where Marshal's meeting Vanty, I knew it'd be nearby. I try not to look for where, as not to accidentally make eye contact with Vanty.
I continue to make my way to the back garden area behind the dorms. I triple-check that I wasn't followed and make sure no bystanders are paying attention as I walk to the most secluded area of the garden.
I take a deep breath, my hand moving up to touch my face. Strangely this calms me as I sink into my shadow below.