I still have nightmares of that day, every night feel the pain, but now it is impossible for me to recognize my wife's face, I only see a black trail that covers her face, it is something I cannot forget. But I try to distract myself with the chores of the house, I also need to understand the reason why I was sent to this strange world, I only know that I was invoked by the woman with a strange resemblance to my wife and then the first thing I see are three girls greeting me and saying "dad" to me thanks to Maki and his healing ability I feel better, the only thing I can do for now is to do the housework as thanks.
As I leave the house I see in the distance what looks like a caravan, it must be the merchants, when I see them more closely I observe the strange horses, they have horns on their wide foreheads, their bodies are solid and dark, the stone path resounds With each stomp they give, in total there are 2 of those powerful animals which easily drag a wagon with multiple objects on its sides, some are food and other trinkets have 4 simple windows. I motion for him to stop. The earth feels the stomping of the powerful animals it could almost be said that they are like mini tremors and when it finally reaches the house the animals disappear in a cloud of smoke then from behind the wagon a strange troll comes out almost as tall as their horses, dressed made of cloth and from one of the pockets of his thin jacket he takes out a bottle which when he opens it with his long fingers absorbs the smoke.
"Take a break guys" says the Troll with a very fine voice, never expect to see such a thing, When I was younger I played a lot Wow and that was always my ideal of troll, shamanic beings, witches or expert hunters, I did not expect to see one that dressed so finely. The troll puts the bottle back and turns to me.
"Time is money, what do you need, human" he exclaims "I have everything from medicine to tools, ask for it and I'm sure I have it"
Do you sell food? He asked curiously, he didn't expect to find a real troll.
"From dried fruit to fresh meat boy" replies the troll, then he snaps the fingers of his left hand and the wagon opens in half and transforms into a small market square.
Then he takes another bottle from his jacket pocket and opens it, this time he invokes two skeletons in shopkeepers' clothes, then he points to their positions and the skeletons take out a cash register, place it on a counter and taste it, while one of them is The other remains in the box and takes it out of a basket of those that are stacked in a corner and hands it to me.
The troll slaps me on the back "buy boy, buy, don't make my employees feel bad"
I take the basket and go to buy, while shopping I ask the troll several interesting things.
Is what you use magic or are they invocations? I ask him as I point the skeletal employee to the meat and he immediately pulls out a small table and a knife.
"We, the Troll culture, are beings connected with spirits, formerly they lent us their strength for war, but today they are no longer necessary for those cases, so we create pacts with them for different purposes. Do not think that they are slaves, they receive how I pay an amount of mana depending on the work they do "
What are the bottles for? I ask, the skeleton clerk hands me the meat needed for a week in a paper bag and asks if I need anything else.
"It is the means for the invocation and at the same time where they receive the mana"
"Interesting" What's different about magic? Curious wonder You're not from around here right? The troll answers.
"Magic and invocations, although they depend on the amount of mana that the user can contain, do not follow the same process since magic is the manifestation of the power of a being, while invocations are the manifestation of the will of a being Since if you do not have a strong will you will not be able to make a contract with another earthly or spiritual being, being an invoker is a continuous duel of wills, if you lose your will the beings with whom the contract is made can be withdrawn, when seeing that their teacher doesn't have the will to contain them.
Ha! If you ever want to learn what a summoner is, I also sell books on the subject.
"It would be interesting to learn about it" I think. But the money is no longer enough for me for more things, I also need tools to fix the house and the outskirts, also seeds.
When I finish all the purchases of food, seeds for cultivation and other instruments that can help me at home, I ask the troll who is called K'vool if he wants to have some coffee, he answers that next time, since he is going Directly to the town which is far away, I pay and K'vool applauds and everything disappears in a cloud of smoke, which he absorbs in two bottles, and repeats the process to summon his two horses, before leaving he gives me a basic book of invocations .
"Complimentary gift for the purchases you made" "Thank you"
"Next time I will receive your invitation to have coffee" then he says goodbye and continues on his way, the powerful animals make the earth tremble again, as they move away on the horizon.
I put the book on a shelf and set about separating the food.
"As I miss my fridge, it was simpler" so I have to do it the old way by salting meats or also smoking it to increase its resistance to bacteria and its duration. "This house is a disaster" there is disorder everywhere, from clothes to food waste at the entrance, I spend practically all morning with the toilet and the food.
When I finish, I put myself in the task of reading I have to learn as quickly as possible, in addition to being able to make myself understood without having to use the artifact. The writing is not very complicated, I wonder if there are more cultures out there. I really do not know what can happen from here on, but I will do my best to live in this new world, I also want to meet the true father of girls, since I am his spitting image, but younger and with hair of another color. I look at myself in a mirror again and I see that my face is more alive, my body is better and I no longer need a cane to support myself.
"Daddy is very handsome" says Anna smiling, while playing with a doll.
Yes, that's why we are so cute! Screams Antonia and continues "Daddy is very handsome and Mommy was beautiful"
"Don't be so cocky" exclaims Maki. "Although it's true that dad is handsome, I don't want any woman to come and take him off"
Maki accompanied me at night, she also studied since she had to present a test to return to her studies she had been delayed a year, but if she passed an academic test she would bring forward the year she had lost, she is a very applied young woman. While I was taking care of the home, she was studying, sometimes she offered to help me with the housework.
"Calm Maki, I'll take care of the home, you study for the exam"
"But, Daddy! You can't do everything alone" she told me uneasily.
Of course I can! I said smiling, "just watch"
It had been almost three months since I was in this new world, the girls looked better now, Maki explains to me that, if refrigerators exist, but they are very expensive, almost everything that I knew as electrical appliances exists in this world, but they work with magic, for now a refrigerator and others are out of reach.
My daily routine was to make breakfast, wake up the little girls, serve them breakfast, do housework, buy groceries when K'vool passed by, chat and laugh with him, wait for the girls to come back, do the laundry for the girls. Little girls, Maki washed her own clothes and many times she scold me for doing her sisters' clothes, she always says that they can do it themselves.
In the afternoons when Anna and Antonia came from school I helped them with their homework and at night I told them the stories that she knew me, sometimes Maki would join in just to listen to my stories.
What seemed interesting to me are the months of the year.
While I was chatting and drinking coffee with K'vool, he told me that in total there are 13 months that make up a year and each month has 28 or 29 days depending on the moon. Some days are shorter than others due to lunar changes and each month also has an emperor's name, in addition, there were special holidays on a certain date. We are also supposed to be at the end of this year, for me I do not see any change since I thought it was like on earth.
"You will see" K'vool explains to me while taking out a book "the empire is immense, and the climate changes depending on the region. We are in the southern part of the empire, the geography of this region is mountainous and without snow, the climate is mild and between the sixth and ninth months is the rainy season. Otherwise the climate does not change except when the moon moves "
So in the north of the empire it snows? I ask him how curious child.
"The north and central region of the empire are frozen zones with seasons, that is why many prefer to live in the south or in one of the colonies. Although it is not necessarily bad to live in the north and center"
Why?
"Because it is easier to find work and most of the government institutions are there. Think of it like this, the south is the rural area where food is produced, you go on a trip, it is near the clear ocean here there are also institutions such as academies or universities, but they are not at the same level as those in the northern area and it is easy to see why. The empire started in the northern area, after annexing the central area the capital was built, not more than 200 years ago. the modernization of the southern zone.
The idea is that the three regions reach the same technological and cultural level, although I think it is difficult since the empire is multicultural and ethnic " "I think that's good" I say while I take a look at the book "although they should start with improving the tracks"
"I have heard that they are going to start laying the tracks for the railroad throughout the empire.
" Awesome, I didn't think it existed here! K'vool laughs at me and slaps me "you're very funny, are you from the three republics? What are three republics like? K'vool lets out a laugh and then dries his tears "seriously you are unique, it seems that you have a lot of knowledge about the new machines, but you are not from the three republics and I doubt that you are from the kingdom of Liare" "K'vool, can you tell me about those other two nations?"
"It will be a next time my friend, it is late and I must go on my way" We say goodbye and he continues on his way. I'm curious about those other two nations, maybe I should ask Maki at night. "Dad don't ask me about those two disgusting places" she tells me while reading her notes, there is a certain hostility in her words. Why Maki? She puts her book on the table and invites me to sit next to her on the furniture, (she looks like a mother about to tell her son a story) The minors laugh when they see the scene.
"Daddy you look like a child" exclaims Anna.
"Maki looks like our aunt, she has the same bad attitude" emphasizes Antonia.
"I hope I won't be like her in the future" says Maki as he lowers his shoulders, "whatever daddy, it's clear that you forgot everything so I'll tell you just as mom told us since she traveled the world with our aunt for almost 200 years
" Wait Maki, did you say 200 years ?!
"Daddy hit his head really hard Maki" he says while rubbing my head.
"Well in the conditions that we find it, it's lucky that he's still with us" Maki says worriedly, then continues
"Dad, even if you don't remember, you married a witch and normally we live a longooooooo long" When they see my face full of amazement, the three of them laugh, Antonia makes a face at me, Anna pulls my cheek and Maki gives me a small blow on the forehead.
"We are witches" exclaim the three at the same time.
"Anyway, mom lived in Liare for a while and she doesn't like the caste system they run, it may be a marvel for witches or wizards, but for someone without magic or a demi-human it's a hell of bad treatment and bad style And if we talk about the three republics they are a nest of xenophobia and racism against anyone who is not a dwarf, elf or human. Besides, they do not use magic as in Liare, they use it in artifacts and in their machines, too. I heard that they use some strange dolls called automata, it is difficult to know what is truth or fiction, since the empire maintains at war with the three republics "
Well it is not a peaceful world full of tolerance as I had thought.
"Maki, do you remember the story Mom told us about how she was hated in all three republics" says Anna.
Maki laughs.
"Yes Mom loved to tell us that story. When I take out a whole regiment of the three republics with one of her invocations, those idiots hate witches."
She looks at me with her hands together and acts as if they were jaws "her invocation ate them all, I did not leave any of them, after that event they signed a truce"
Anna and Antonia imitate her while showing a smile, the only one who does not have a smile from ear to ear is me.
Why that face dad? Maki asks me.
"Right, you never liked hearing those stories about mom's wars" I am grateful that my other self thinks the same.
Putting that aside, this world is interesting.
One day a letter arrived for Maki, the letter carried a very fine seal.
"Maki, I have a letter for you" I said. She approached and took the letter, opens it and jumps with joy.
Yesss! She screams, and begins to dance with joy.
He had passed his test and could skip the year he had lost "Look at daddy" then he hands me the letter.
His academic result was perfect, all his days studying hard had paid off, he had decided to pass the exam and he did his job.
"It's perfect Maki" I take the letter, then I look for some glue and stick it in the entrance of her room, "successes must always be remembered" I tell her, she blushes a little.
"Thanks dad" she exclaims, "now I have to look for my uniform again, I just hope it's okay" I'm finally going back to the academy! I will see my friends and continue with my studies! She runs out of her room and throws herself to hug me Thank you dad! "If it weren't for everything you've done these last few months, I wouldn't have been able to do it" Anna and Antonia also run and hug me.
"Thanks daddy for being with us" "I love you so much daddy never go away" "Calm girls, I'm not going anywhere" "Now I have to go get a new uniform, I think it's time to go to town" "Great" he commented "K´vool always tells me that it is a very nice place, I wanted to know it" "Well dad, let's take advantage, we can buy many things for the house and clothes for you too" she points to my poor clothes. What's wrong with it? I answer while looking at my simple clothes.
"Daddy doesn't have any more clothes"
"Yeah, if we want daddy to get a girlfriend, he should dress better" Do not even think about it! Maki exclaims annoyed, "The three of us are a happy family, we don't need anyone else" "Yes Antonia, I don't want any girlfriend" I reply.
I don't know where little Antonia got that from? a girlfriend? It's the least I think about.
"Daddy keeps alone at home, if he gets a girlfriend he won't feel as lonely as he did to mommy" Anna emphasizes.
Maki looks away "we don't need anyone else in our family" she repeats.
It was Saturday and K'vool offered to take us to the nearby town, traveling in a simple carriage, today he did not use his car the distance was one hour, if we were going on foot it would be about 3 or 4 hours, I was in the driver's seat together To my troll friend, the girls would go back and play with the summoned skeletons.
"You finally decided to leave the house" says K'vool.
I was looking at the landscape, a long road surrounded by trees and mountains, everything was to see you wherever you looked, the quiet environment of living in the middle of nature is relaxing. It is understandable because the angel (the girls' mother) decided to live in this area.
"Maki needs a new uniform, and the girls also decided that she should buy clothes for me. Even if I don't know where we're going to get that money."
K'vool looks at me disappointed "pay attention to your daughters, a man should not dress like a beggar"
"I like my white shirt and dark pants" he looked at me and my clothes seemed very normal. Although if I compare myself to K'vool I do look like a beggar.
"Sure, sure" K'vool tells me sarcastically. "You are lucky that I am going to the town to sell my products, when I finish I will help you find something decent"
Maki peeks out from behind and covers her eyes "I appreciate it very much Mr. K'vool, you do have good taste in clothes. I hope it helps dad"
"Take it for granted Maki"
Then Maki hugs me over the shoulders "don't worry about the money, we have a lot, besides you know how to manage it very well dad"
"Thanks Maki for the compliments"
Her sisters get upset because she is hugging me, she replies that she almost never does it since she kept busy with her studies and now that she is free she should take advantage. Normally she is very serious but now she is affectionate.
As we get closer I can see civilization, in the distance some houses made of red bricks, clay tiles and beautiful gardens loomed. I would suppose that because of its technology we would be in the 18th or 19th century of my world, like their clothes, the women wore scarves on their heads, while the men wore simple hats, white shirts and scarves tied around their neck, with their cloth clothes of bright colors for women and dark colors for men. Their colorful clothes highlighted their spirits, as we passed they greeted us.
The most interesting thing was that many of them were not human. Most of them were demihumans or beastmen.
Cultivated fields of wheat and also vineyards. It seems like I'm in Italy, it's hot, but I grew up in a tropical country so it doesn't affect me.
"The southern area of the empire is different from the other two because most of the demihumans live here, due to the climate" explains K'vool "I like that you do not impress my friend, normally humans who are not born in the empire do not like to live close to other races "
Are you kidding K'vool? "This is fantastic, never expect to see all of this" I say as I carry Anna and she greets people as we pass.
Maki yells at her sister to get off my shoulders and she makes a face at her, then she scolds me for letting her do that.
Dad, you can't let them do that, you have to scold them! Tells me.
K'vool laughs at me, then stretches out his arm and hugs me by the shoulder "Father's job is difficult, I remember when he touched me I hardly slept, my wife constantly scold me for being careless" my friend looks at him clear sky and melancholy exclaims "What good times"
I have been in this new world for almost 5 months, I like the simple lifestyle we have now, K'vool is an excellent friend, the girls are now happy every day, soon Maki would return to the academy and Anna and Antonia would go to a new grade, according to Maki I had to present myself to the school to give them confidence.
"Look, daddy, it's the town," says Antonia
As we get closer, we see a great tumult of different cultures, be they human, demi-human and many more races.
The streets are made of stone, large brick buildings with multiple floors and red tiles. At the entrance of the town there are government officials in their black coats and caps of the same color, they wear a badge on their chest.
K'vool asks us to get off at the entrance of the town, since he must go somewhere else first. I help the girls down and we say goodbye momentarily with my friend.
"We will meet you at the central source of the town in 2 hours" he tells me and then he leaves with his cargo.
Maki takes my hand "Don't miss out dad" she tells me and then she tells her sisters to take her other hand.
As we walk I like what I see, multiple businesses, open air markets, artists in the streets and people shopping and enjoying everything.
"Heavens" I exclaim
"This town is very commercial, that's why you see so many people," says Maki.
"I should look for work in this town," he commented.
"It is not necessary dad, we have enough money to survive for many years"
"Yes daddy should live quietly at home"
"Yes, helping us with our homework and looking for a girlfriend"
"I do not like living in bed" I answer, "I would like to work and bring money home, not just use the money you have Maki"
What are you talking about dad? "If that money is yours and mom's, they earned it when they were adventurers"
I do not feel good using money that was not earned by myself, maybe my other me and the girls' mother had savings, but I felt bad when I used them, I only used the money to buy things necessary for the house or things for Girls, the last thing I had to do was use it for banal things for myself.
The first thing we did was go straight to the tailor's shop so that Maki and her sisters could get their new uniforms, in addition to clothes for them, we didn't have many clothes to wear, the market was close to the tailor's shop, I told Maki I'd go to do the shopping.
"Don't go too far dad" he told me while he stayed with his sisters shopping for clothes. Even if she is a teenager, she thinks like an adult.
When I went to the square there a large amount of food that I had not seen in a long time, most of the fruits or vegetables I recognized and others I did not know what they were.
I am attended by a beast man, specifically a werewolf almost as tall as K'vool, with a thick build, his grayish fur stands out next to his long snout, he was wearing the same clothing that I had seen on my way, except that he was wearing a cloth jacket short.
The stall he serves sells different fruits and vegetables, Maki gave me some money to do the shopping so I decide to buy as much food as possible, I should also look for milk and possibly chocolate or coffee. I would like to get one of those refrigerators that work with magic stones, but I doubt that we can take it or pay for it (I think)
While I am in another business taking vegetables my hand crosses with a female hand.
When I look up to apologize, I am surprised to see the young woman, she was a beautiful feline semi-human, with golden eyes and long brown hair, her long ears like those of a lynx stand out from her hair, small lips and a fine nose, He wears a blue tunic that hides a white shirt, he wears a red ribbon tied around his waist and a red handkerchief around his neck, ending with blue leggings. She looks like an ordinary girl, the only thing different is her face with feline features and her slim body. You would think he has a tail, but his clothing hides it.
"Excuse me," I say to the young feline.
She denies with her delicate hands and long nails "It's okay, it seems that we both want the same vegetables," she says.
"So it seems" I answer and continue in my thoughts.
You're not from around here right? She asks me while placing one of her fingers on her cheek.
"I recently arrived, and it is the first time that I am in this town" I reply.
She brings her face close to mine "because of your features you don't seem born in the empire, are you from the three republics?" comments the curious young feline.
It is difficult for me to see her directly in the eyes, her penetrating gaze seems to be following a prey.
"This is the second time they have asked me the same thing, and no, I am not from the three republics, I am not from either of the two places. But I'm certainly from afar "
"If it seems that way, the humans of the three republics are not that handsome" comments the young demihuman.
"Thanks for the compliment" I reply.
A small hand takes me from my shirt, it was little Antonia.
"Daddy, daddy, it's your turn to choose a new outfit," he tells me.
What are you doing here alone? I scold her for the first time because it scares me to see her alone walking through this crowded town, then I hug her worried.
"But daddy, Maki is watching us" she points to the entrance of the plaza, in effect Maki and Anna were watching.
"I'm sorry, you gave me a scare"
"Daddy worries a lot" exclaims the little girl, then she strokes my head.
But stay with K'vool to accompany me?
"Yes daddy, but together with my little sisters we choose something for you"
"Okay little one"
"What a beautiful girl, you shouldn't worry your father" says the young feline, who bends down and greets Antonia "I'm very pleased my name is Bast" the young woman whose name is Bast stretches out her delicate hand.
Antonia, a little elusive, hides behind me, but she still responds "My name is Antonia."
"Tell me little Antonia what is your father's name" says the young woman.
"Daddy's name is Augusto"
Seriously? "Your father has the name of Rumi, but he is not Rumi, he is not imperial but he is not from the three republics and I doubt very much that he is from Liare, your daddy is a very interesting human" the young woman winks at Antonia, which makes her laugh. "Your father seems too young to have a daughter"
"In fact there are three of us," Antonia replies.
The young feline is surprised, gets up and smiles at Antonia "your mother must be very happy"
Antonia shakes her head "Mommy is already in heaven" the little girl's face darkens, but then it lights up "but she left us as a gift to Daddy"
Antonia takes my free hand.
The young feline smiles at Antonia "It was a pleasure meeting you Antonia, I hope we will see each other again"
"Yes" she replies.
"I was also pleased to meet you Augusto"
"I think so too" I reply.
The young woman lets out a little smile and we say goodbye, she continues with what she was doing while I walk away with Antonia.
When we get outside the Plaza Antonia tells her sisters about what happened.
"A demihuman was flirting with daddy" he said exaggerating everything.
What! Maki exclaims annoyed "how dare he do such a heresy, where is that woman?
"Maki is jealous, she knows that daddy is handsome and attracts the attention of many women" mocks Anna.
"I will not let anyone get close to dad" he says as he clenches his fist.
"I'm not looking for a girlfriend or anything like that" I repeat again "also no one would notice me"
"That's very good dad" says Maki relieved, "but the last part is not true" she says sadly.
The four of us go to the tailor shop, where they choose clothes for me since they know that my tastes are very simple.
When we arrived the first thing I chose was a white shirt and black pants, that was all I wanted.
In the end they chose me some long black boots, khaki pants, a white long-sleeved shirt and a dark short vest, they even bought me a beret and a scarf (I don't know why this last one knowing that it is not cold)
"Save the scarf because the next time we travel it will be to the capital of the empire," says Maki as she puts it on me and makes me look in the mirror.
"It fits him perfectly"
"Yes, after all it's daddy"
When I look in the mirror I see the same person as always only with expensive clothes, I have never worried about how I look, now that I wonder I do not know how my wife noticed me, I am not exactly the most handsome of all.
Usually people who have low self-esteem do not notice their qualities, they always think the worst of themselves, although Augusto does not notice the people around them if they notice their qualities.
"I think I'm fine with this" I say trying to free myself. But Maki stops me.
"One moment dad, there are still two more to go"
They gave me two pairs of leather shoes, some dark and others brown, also a pair of pants with suspenders and two sets of white long-sleeved shirts, three pairs of elegant ties and two black vests and another brown.
While they got their uniforms and other dresses along with sweatshirts, in fact, most of the clothes Maki bought for her were sweatshirts and light clothes to rest.
"That's cheating Maki" I tell her.
She whistles and looks away.
"By the way dad keeps those horrible clothes you were wearing, you better get out of the tailor shop with the clothes we bought you"
After buying our new clothes we went back to the plaza to finish our shopping. We left loaded with suitcases and as agreed we met K'vool in the central fountain which was very beautiful, it was practically the municipal park surrounded by trees, benches and a marble statue of someone who looked like a scientist or writer.
"It is the change from heaven to earth" exclaims K'vool, astonished when he sees me with my new outfit. You haven't noticed it yet, right?
Anna and Antonia shake their heads, while Maki looks upset.
Augusto hadn't noticed, but most of the people who saw him were women, a young, handsome, single man was a good prize.
"I shouldn't have told him to go out with his new clothes" Maki exclaims regretfully.
"Maki, you must not be jealous of your father" emphasizes K'vool.
Leaving the topic K'vool accompanies me elsewhere and I buy clothes that I like (finally). We also go to some bookstores, a toy store and eat ice cream as a family.
At the end of the afternoon we return home and say goodbye to K'vool who promises that he will come back tomorrow for some coffee.
The weekend I spent with the girls to make a small garden, we had bought several gardening tools so we got down to work.
Thanks to buying many things in the square, I was able to buy lemons and made lemonade for the 4 of us. I enjoyed the weekend with the girls.
Long ago I no longer had nightmares at night.
In the afternoon K'vool passes by to greet us, we have some coffee and we chat, he also teaches me some things about invocations, he also says that someone close to town should accompany him again.
I think about it a bit and say no, since I would not have time to prepare breakfast and be with the girls.
The three of them refuse and say that nothing happens if I went to town one day a week. After all they would all go back to study and I also needed to distract myself a bit.
"But don't let just any woman come near Daddy," Maki warns K'vool, who gives him his word.
From what Maki told me, he'll be back at the magic academy in two weeks.
It was Monday and Maki was also getting ready to go to study, she was very excited, I prepared a special snack for each one and packed it in a paper bag.
Good morning Dad! The three of them shout, as they sit around the table and eat breakfast happily.
After the girls went to study, I was cleaning the house, when.
"knock Knock"
"knock Knock"
The knocking on the front door continues, when I go to open the other side of the door I see a man who was protected by a white cloak with a hood and dark edges, which reached to his knees, wearing dark military style boots He could not tell whether or not he was carrying a weapon, his cloak would not leave.
The man pulls his hood down, he seems to be 20 to 26 years old, almost my age, he is blond and has long hair, and his eyes are crimson. "How are you, I'm looking for the summoner Alexia, I have a letter for her" he searches in his pockets and takes out the letter that is sealed with a strange symbol in the shape of a dragon.
"I'm new around here, unfortunately I don't know Alexia" I reply
The man looks at me strangely, is that a joke? Answer, then look around.
"No unfortunately it is not, although I think the Alexia you are talking about is the mother of the girls" I reply.
The man takes out a small piece of paper and reads it. Is Maki there?
"In an hour he will arrive from school together with his sisters"
The man nods and asks me, are you his butler?
"Apparently I am his missing father"
Heeeeeeeeeeeeee!