"No argument is resolved with swords but conversations leading to a mutual understanding where both parties are involved", my grandmother said to Maame Ama seated across her. This was the beginning of a very enlightening conversation, at least, for me. Maame Ama had come to my grandmother, as most people did, for advice about a problem she's been having with her parents recently. She has been continuously pestered by not only her parents but our community as well to get married. 'Ama, when are you bringing a man home?' 'Ama, when are you going to give us grandchildren?' She couldn't get a breath of air without her parents hammering on the fact that she wasn't growing younger by the minute. But no one can live under that kind of pressure right? Ama sought to settle down finally.
Ama was a student of the prestigious University of Ghana, Legon studying for a Bachelor of Arts degree in English. I always marveled at her command of the English language and she taught me some tricks of the language. For me, she was beautiful by all standards. I mean, I was what, seven? They all looked beautiful. She told my grandmother the story of how she met the love of her life.
Apparently, she met him at a fresher's concert earlier that year. Don't get me wrong, they were both in their third year. They were just attending the concert because it was organized by the Department of Languages. He had performed a spoken word on stage and Ama, weirdly, felt the words dripping with honey from his lips were meant just for her. Funny enough, he looked at her all through the time he spoke! How poised he was as he spoke! He descended the stage and came right to Ama at the end. "I saw you watching", he said. "I saw you speaking", Ama replied. That was the beginning of a healthy friendship and subsequently a relationship. His name was Afedze Michael, an Ewe, obviously. Their descents however did not stop their love from blossoming, love knows no boundaries right? Ama felt Michael was good enough to meet the approval of her parents but how wrong she was! 'We will not have him!' 'Why would you bring home an Ewe?' 'Are there no Ashanti men in your school?' Ama had her say but bottom line was that Maame Gyasiwaa and Agya Yaw would simply not have an Ewe in their family. Their reason was simple; they have experienced the Ewes once and they were not pleased in the least. Once bitten, twice shy, remember?
My grandmother patiently listened to the story as did I. She was quiet for a few more minutes before replying my beautiful Maame Ama. She explained that Ama's parents had indeed experienced troubling times with Ewes and so it was understandable that they would want to deflect any further humiliation. Their first daughter, your big sister, once married an Ewe named Efo Amekudzi. They met at a play, if my memory serves me right. Though your parents were not particularly enthusiastic about this union, they agreed after the King himself advised them. He said something about fostering national unity bla bla bla. Your sister was married to Efo for two years and then Efo revealed his true colours! Efo was already married with three kids back in his hometown. His wife couldn't give him a son so he came down South to bear a son. "And my sister was the experiment?", Ama asked. That is what your parents also said, except it was a daughter in their case. He took his son away and that was the last any of us saw of Efo Amekudzi, if that was even his real name.
"My parents are right then, aren't they Nana?", Ama asked. My grandmother explained that we shouldn't be at war with the tribe. Suppose an Ashanti lady commits atrocious acts in her marriage to a Fante, does that mean that all Ashanti ladies are not morally upright? Ama looked on as she processed the wisdom emancipating from the old woman's mouth. Nana continued that she knew a friend whose daughter was happily married to an Ewe with four kids. "The problem does not lie with the tribe Ama but with the person coming from that tribe", grandma concluded.
"I'm hungry grandma", I intercepted the convo.
"But you just ate Kwame", Nana replied.
"I'll send you home and we'll eat together, deal?", Ama said.
"Will we play 'words' afterward?", I replied. Words was a game I played with Ama. She gave me a word and from it, I brought out all other words I could manage.
"Yes!", Ama said. "Let's go!"
We were just through the door when grandma said, "Ama, look closely where you are going. Remember that marriage is a lifelong journey. Some even say it dictates and shapes the rest of your days. Be careful my child." "Thank you Nana", Ama barely got those words out before I dragged her out the door.
In the end, Ama didn't marry Michael. She travelled outside the country for her Master's degree and I think that the long-distance didn't work for them. Ama married overseas to one Kwame Agyei, a medical doctor and they returned home just a couple of years ago. I played words with her kids and what an exhilarating experience that was!