⚠️WARNING : SELF HARM⚠️
"El, wake up" the voice said.
"One more hour, I slept in late.." I whimpered like a little child.
"Wake up, I made mango smoothie for you. If you don't wake up, I'll finish it myself."
Hearing the words mango smoothie, my favourite smoothie, I rub my eyes with my hands and flutters it open.
I can see a blurry figure standing next to my bed.
As my vision cleared, I immediately rose up from the bed and jump off, grabbing my pocket knife from my nightstand drawer.
"You're not Andrew. How did you get in?!"
I whisper yelled to Ryan, who seemed to be nervous at the the other side of my bed.
"Your balcony was open.." he said while running his hand on the back his neck.
"And that made you think I left it open for you? Dude, my air conditioner is broken!" I fold my arms and looked at my air conditioner right above my head.
"I didn't. I'm just here to give you these. As an apology." he places a box and a glass of smoothie on my nightstand.
"Even though I know you will never forgive me, I think I'd give you smoothies everyday." he looked at his feet.
I walk to him and stand in front of him. I let out a quiet sigh and look at him even though the other side of me wanted to claw his gut out.
"i forgive you."
" I know, I know. I'm sorry, okay? I thought- wait, what?" he looked at me, puzzled.
"I'm not gonna say it twice. Same goes for Matt. I mean, it's not really is your fault I got hit. It's also not your idea to use me." I sit on my bed and take the glass he placed on my nightstand.
I look at him. His head is facing the floor, he's fiddling with his fingers. I tend to ignore those and look into the glass.
"Is this the mango smoothie?" I asked, my eyes still intact on the glass.
Suddenly, before I even realize, I'm already in the arms of Ryan. He hugged me.
I frown a little.
"Uh.. maybe I forgave you but that doesn't change the fact I'm not into hugs.."
I laughed nervously.
He broke the hug and smiled. I thought I noticed some tears in his eyes but I shrugged it off.
"Does this mean we can be friends again?" he asked with a big smile.
I look back at him with a smile. Actually, my smile have a meaning. Heh.
"Nope" I pop the P loudly.
His smile dropped but before he could say anything, my door burst open. Both of our heads look at the door.
Andrew, Lucas , Mom and Dad. Plus my sister in Mom's arms.
Their eyes is widen when they saw Ryan in front of me.
"What the actual fudge is this?" Andrew break the silence and tense that's thickening in the air.
I smile innocently and point a finger at Ryan, while his eyes widen in pure horror.
I bit back a laugh.
"You-" Lucas said, marching towards Ryan.
"He's here to give me smoothie and a.. a box?" I cut him off and lift the glass of mango- no, pure bliss off my nightstand and take a sip through the colorful paper straw.
What the fudge? How is it so good?
My eyes diverted to Ryan.
"You made this?" I ask with a confused expression, just a way to make him feel anxiety.
"Mom, Dad, can you leave me? Alone? I promise if he lay a finger on me I'll break his neck and make sure he will have no children in the future." I said to my parents with a smile. Crooked smile.
My mom pulled my dad outside. I look at my brothers and they both walk outside too but with a race like Red from Angry Birds.
Then I look at Ryan.
"So? You made it yourself?" I place my hands on my hips.
"Yeah.. I may have searched a recipe of how to make a lasagna and came across that mango smoothie- wait, it's not good?" he look at me. A slight worry can be seen.
"Meh. It's good. Delicious actually." i said along with a slight giggle.
A wide smile made it's way to Ryan's face. I chuckled a little.
"Now, shoo, I have a Harry Potter movie marathon to be done." I said, shoo-ing him away to my balcony which is where he came in.
"Can I join? I'll bring the popcorn." he asked.
I think for a while.
Meh, he's not that bad.
"Okay. Caramel popcorn." I point a finger at the balcony.
He got out of my room and climbed back into his room. I noticed a big smile on his face the moment he closed the balcony window.
I sighed and plopped down on my bed.
Suddenly, I feel a tingling sensation on my pulse.
I close my eyes, drifting the harm thoughts away. As soon as I closed my eyes, I feel my heart start to beat two times faster. One beat, two, three...
I get up and walk slowly towards my balcony, trying to close the curtains.
At the moment I got a hold of my black and white polka dot curtain, a flash of memory, a horrible episode starts to flash in my mind, before my eyes..
I close my eyes tightly and hug my knees on the floor. My hands starts to tremble violently. Tears flowing down my cheeks.
Then I remember the day.
⚠️skip to this sign again if you don't want to read this or this trigger anything.⚠️
"I SAID TELL ME!!!"
I continue to cry in the corner of the hallway.
I didn't know what did I do to make her so furious..
She's my babysitter.
A few sniffles comes out loudly as I try to take a deep breath to explain to her what happened.
"I don't know... He placed a pillow on my face..."
She only got angrier by my words. She reached for the curtain behind me and rip it off the window railing.
I look at her. She was angry.
It wasn't my fault his son raped me..
I'm only 7..
Suddenly I feel the curtain wrapped around my neck. I look at her wide eyed, scared. Shocked.
She presses the curtain on my neck, making me unable to breath.
A minute pass by and she didn't stop. Instead, she keep pulling the curtain around my neck tighter and tighter. Not letting any oxygen flow into my lungs.
My eyes rolled to the back of my head, my vision starts to blurry. I feel a warm fluid on my lips, flowing down my chin, down to my neck.
Again, the curtain was pressed into my neck, my chest hurts. My lungs started to burn.
I got up and ran to my bathroom and grab the razor that was long kept inside my make up bag.
I took a deep breath, hands still shaking.
I start to slide the razor down my left arm.
Three times.
Four times.
And five.
I ignore the blood that's dripping down my arm and quickly take two of my medicine and place it in my mouth. I swallow it using the water. Pipe water.
After that, all I felt was numb. I look at the blood and the sliced open meat on my arm. I wash it and wrap a bandage around it.
I clean all the evidence. The blood, the razor and the bandage.
I walk out of my bathroom and pull on a hoodie.
The long sleeves that kept me safe.
That kept my family happy.
Then it started again. I sit down on the floor, my hands shaking violently. Much violently than earlier. I heard footsteps coming to my room.
⚠️we're here!⚠️
Andrew and Lucas ran beside me and try to calm me down.
"Shit, she's having another panic attack. This haven't happened in two years!" I heard Andrew yell beside me while his hand is on my thigh, while the other is on my back, caressing it softly.
I take a deep, deep breath, calming myself.
This went on for 25 minutes.
After my hands stopped shaking and my heartbeats starts to normalize a little, I noticed Hannah and Charles at the door. Staring down at me with concern on their face.
They both ran to me and hugged me tightly.
I sigh in relief, realizing I will never meet my used-to-be babysitter and her son since they're both still trapped behind the bars.
Yet, I will never know what the future holds for me.