I'm angry.
Those are the very first word you think once you are.
Quite weird but understandable at the same time.
You identify what you are feeling quite quickly in your brain. Which can be a good thing, but when you are angry, it doesn't feel that great.
I really am angry. But not at a person in particular.
It's everything that happened on this very fine morning.
What's so infuriating that makes people write a whole story out of?
Just a school film assignment.
Yeah sure. It not superserious like big big crimes or something unforgivable and irreversable.
But still.
People can be weird at times like these.
The supposed assignment was not that complicated. Just make a small teaser for a company and make it seem like the company is great. So general, but yeah.
Oh, and also, make it with other members. You can't do it alone.
You can feel this coming from miles away. Anything that has something remotely to do with 'project' and 'group' is screwed.
The general consensus is 'You do this and I'll do this, and we'll stick it together, no biggie.'
Yeah, sure, no problem.
But.
When it does come together, you know you are either barely passing or failing.
When you put hours into something, and see the end result mixed with the rest.
Absolutely horrible to look at.
Almost as horrible as third rate short stories like this.
Fine, you think, but isn't everyone else in their groups also like this? You can't expect them to do that much better.
Yah, that was my fragile ego talking.
The other groups were better, even when everyone was dying from embarassment by being seen in the film assignment teaser.
It feels really awkward to see yourself on screen, yes.
But then the real hard part shows up.
Feedback. Where everyone can tell what they thought of the made assignment.
In normal cases, everyone just politely says nice things, to avoid receiving the same bad feedback as a payback.
But yeah, In this case the feedback I and my group received was noticibly worse than all the others combined.
Screw that. It was blatant criticism.
Maybe the other groups needed a scapegoat to make themselves look better?
Maybe the teacher who graded the assignment needed a lowest of the low group to grade the rest of them?
In any case, I felt offended by all the bad remarks, and no real positive feedback was given.
I felt attacked, abandoned and most of all, anger.
When all the works were given feedback, the teacher gave his closing remarks. "Well, great job you guys at making these assigments look great, or at least 'tried' to make great."
I felt that. A subtile snub at our group.
A few giggles.
I simply left. I was simmering with anger. No words could describe that moment. As if all the work I have done have amounted to nothing. As if all of them were simply enjoying seeing that one group being completely roasted.
I could almost hear them thinking 'Well if THAT group is bad, surely our group will get much better grades!'
I hate how we humans sometimes think. When it doesn't concern us, it doesn't really matter what happens. 'More than XXX people died in a fire. XXX steals XXX amount worth of money. No big deal. I don't care.
But when it does concern us, it hits harder than a truck. 'How dare they all ridicule our hard work! I hate you all!'
After the assignments have been handed in, messages keep flowing in.
'Hey how did you think you did in the assignment? Mine was just hooooorrible to look at lol'
'Man, the assignment was so embarrassing, do you think we will pass?'
'How fun this assignment was! Some groups had some rather creative ideas, don't you think?'
Those messages just fuel my anger.
Am I supposed to reply 'Oh god, you are absolutely right, this was very embarrassing to show you guys and our group was the absolute worst. Don't worry about your group, you guys did great!'?
They are all asking to be praised, while a moment ago they stepped all over my feelings.
I curtly replied 'Yeah, sure' and turned my phone off. I felt like if I looked at one more such message I'd lash out at them.
I really wanted to. But I held back. My mind was not really in it's right mind.
Dark thoughts easily made it to the surface of my brain.
Next time, I'll be the one scolding, cursing, and ridiculing you guys. Get a taste of your own bitter medicine. I don't give a dime about your feelings either jerks. Hope you guys all have a horrible day ahead of you.
I went to eat lunch. It was entirely tasteless while I was visibly fuming and holding in my anger.
You see, I am what you call 'one of the sheep'. Whatever happens, I'll follow, no problem. A little bit of a pushover. Angry? that person? No way, she's always very nice so how could she?'
Where am I supposed to dump my anger then? Am I not allowed to express this just because I seem like the person who'd never blow her top?
More negative emotions welled up. Injustice. Blame. Alienation. Loneliness.
I felt as if the next thing I'd touch would get flung out of the window.
Finally, my emotions settled on one. Indifference.
Who cares about those monkeys screaming at me?
I know myself. I am great and I don't need others to say that about me.
I am great. I really am.
I'm just throwing a hissy fit.
-The End-