Bai Yue didn't know that her parents gave up on her. Nevertheless, even if she did, she wouldn't care much about it. After all, she had given up on them a long time ago.
As such, while her parents were trying hard to salvage the situation, she was writing a letter in the quietness of her study. The silence was only broken from time to time by the light snore coming from Liu'er who had fallen asleep after filling a whole sheet of paper with her name. The ink had yet to dry when the girl's head fell on the paper, using it as a makeshift cushion. The small, young face was now covered in black smears, a few strands of hair clinging onto her face.
Every once in a while, Bai Yue glanced at the girl sleeping peacefully, complicated feelings arising inside her. With her eyes closed, Liu'er looked even younger than she already was.
Such a sight was truly a feast to the tired eyes.
When a strand of dark brown hair fell down and tickled Liu'er's nose, Bai Yue's hand paused mid-air before she put down the brush. Carefully, with slow and light movements, she brushed the hair off Liu'er's face.
Then she went back to her letter as if nothing happened.
The letter was meant for her Elder brother. Knowing her parents, they most likely never reported her 'condition' to Bai Rui.
She didn't know how much time she had left. Her parents were probably getting anxious and desperate situations called for desperate measures. Who knew what they would do in the end?
Instead of waiting for hell, it was better for Bai Yue to be proactive.
'Elder brother, I hope this letter finds you well and healthy wherever you are. Life is so short, take care of yourself. Something happened at home.'
Bai Yue furrowed her brow and stared at the words written. Something about them didn't feel right. After pondering for a while, she crumpled the piece of paper into a ball and threw it behind her. It landed on a quickly rising heap of other paper balls.
'Elder brother, by the time this letter finds you, I will be long gone. Something happened at home and I can no longer stay. Otherwise, I am afraid only a fate worse than death awaits me.'
Even without the Empress, Ji Mo Zhen, and his crazy harem's threat, Bai Yue had no desire to marry the Emperor ever again. In fact, the further from the Imperial Palace, the better.
'Please, don't look for me. I promise I will live well. Since young, you have taught me how to think by myself and stand tall and proud. It is time for me to use this knowledge and build my own path.'
This time, she wouldn't discard her dreams for the sake of marrying a man.
'I hope you never forget who you are. A good, strong, and clever man. One who doesn't bow to adversity and follow his own ideals regardless of what people say or want you to do. Whether we are apart or together, I will always believe in you. Farewell, brother. Your sister.'
Facing the letter, Bai Yue couldn't help tearing up. Saying farewell to her brother hurt deeply. It cut her deep into her flesh and left a scar on her heart. She wanted to scream ad let everyone know all about the pain destroying her inside.
Bai Rui kneeled and begged for her in her previous life. Yet all she could give him in return was a mere letter. Not to say thank you, but farewell.
"Young miss? You are crying?" Liu'er's sleepy voice sounded out in front of her and she lifted her head to look at the young maid.
Liu'er was still half-asleep and her brain could only process the tears rolling down her young miss's face. Without thinking, she reached out over the desk and wiped her young miss' hollow cheeks.
Bai Yue's lips twitched. The girl's hands were stained with black ink. When it touched her tears, she could almost feel the dry ink turning into a weird paste and clinging onto her face.
She gently pushed the hand away and sniffled.
"Go back to sleep."
"Yes, yes, yes. I'm sleeping in a cloud," Liu'er muttered in response, her heavy eyelids already closing. "Young miss, don't forget to kiss the toads before eating the bed."
Bai Yue stared at the girl for a long while after she heard this, a small and barely there smile hanging on her lips.
Kissing toads? What kind of dreams was Liu'er having? It certainly sounded interesting.
"Go kiss a toad yourself, you silly girl," she whispered, giggling.
...
Eventually, Bai Yue covered Liu'er with a silk quilt and left the study, lighting up candles along the way. Like the morning sun, they dispelled the darkness of the night, and a warm and soft glow spread through the rooms.
When she noticed it, Bai Yue relaxed as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. The feeling remained until she slid into her bed, her eyes briefly closing.
Briefly, because the candlelight failed to reach behind her eyelids. When she closed her eyes to sleep, she was overwhelmed by the sudden darkness. It was as if she was back to the Palace, hoping desperately for death.
She curled into a ball, her thin arms wrapped around her knees. These nightmares were the price to pay for her new life.
The night passed slowly, each second lasting an eternity. Every time she managed to fall asleep, she would wake up screaming not long after, her hair in disarray and sweat rolling down her face. Her whole body was shaking and sometimes, she felt as if her arms and legs were on fire.
At one point, Liu'er had woken up and took a seat beside her bed, humming softly to comfort Bai Yue.
"Young miss, don't worry. You are safe here."
Bai Yue darted a glance at the girl, spotting the dark rings under her eyes immediately.
"Why are you here? You should rest more."
"Young miss, it is morning."
Well, morning for the servants at least. Most masters wouldn't be up for another two hours. Perhaps even three.
"What is the situation outside?" Bai Yue asked, rubbing the last remnant of sleep away from her eyes. Perhaps because she didn't sleep well, her muscles were sore and a dull ache spread through her arms at the movement.
Hearing her young miss' hoarse voice and seeing the grimace on her face, Liu'er mistook the situation and handed her a glass of water before speaking up.
"Concubine Xi passed out. The Lord spent the night with Concubine Lan and her servants blocked the news. He is still unaware and nobody dares to move Concubine Xi without orders."
"What about Mother? She should be awake by now."
"Not today."
Madam was indeed someone who woke up early since she had a lot of matters to deal with. Today, however, her doors remained closed.
As for the second young master Bai Chen, he always slept in the outer court when he had to work the next day. How could he be aware of his mother's condition?
"Didn't Bai Hua also spend the night kneeling in the ancestral hall? Surely she heard about the commotion outside?"
"Fourth young miss fell asleep. Her maids brought her back to her courtyard earlier. Supposedly, she caught a cold."
A concubine and a daughter were different. The former could die but the latter could not. After all, no matter what, a daughter was still a child of their Lord. His blood ran through her veins. Even if Madam Fu disliked Bai Hua, she couldn't put her health in danger.
"That pair of mother and daughter have really suffered," Bai Yue commented without any expression.
"Fourth miss shouldn't have tried to slap young miss!' Liu'er responded vehemently. "You have been ill for such a long time already and only failed to recognize her. How could she slap you for this?"
Saying this, Liu'er was clearly forgetting all about her frail and ill young miss scolding and scaring a few burly servants the day before.
Bai Yue wasn't sure whether she should cry or laugh. When did her eyes fail to recognize Bai Hua? Her eyes worked perfectly, thank you very much. She just wanted to teach Bai Hua a lesson. Why was it that, in Liu'er's eyes, her sly scheme became the truth and Bai Yue was turned into a small inoffensive rabbit? Was she really that easy to bully in this house?