James got up with a sluggish and tired mind. He could barely close his eyes last night, a lot of thought in his mind. He made a cup of coffee and sat for a while before continued to his activity. His mind wasn't in his head right now. He went through some hypothetical plot of his life, imagine and thinking if anything goes wrong with his life. He thought about something that on the knees of the gods.
Slowly his life changed from the inside. He didn't realize it but one day he will taste it. No one knew it'll be a good or bad transformation. James did his life like nothing happened, as usual, he thought that nothing changes from his life, only sadness, and sorrow. Little did he know that something changes, some strong and unbreakable soul grown inside him.
Right now, his heart is full of pain and scar. James now didn't want to trust anyone, he's like butterflies. He couldn't stand to be a caterpillar so he locks himself in the chrysalis. He wanted to protect himself from all the bad things outside. He didn't feel safe, nor from the world or anyone else.
The sound of his phone makes him awake. He remembered Ed wanted to take him to the school, the place where he should work tomorrow. 'Shit! Why did I say that? This is going to be a bad idea, fuck!' It's ringing for almost a minute and James still hesitated to answer it.
He took another sip before picked it up, "What?"
"Are you forget? You said you wanted me to take you to the place!" Ed answered with a high tone.
"Okay calm down, I considered my thought again and I think this is not the best idea,"
"Huh!" Ed exploded, "What are you? 12 years-old? Don't be such a baby and get yourself ready, I'll pick you up."
Ed hung up, and it's made him uneasy. He couldn't imagine if he met his Ex and what should he do next. The clock is ticking and Ed will be picked him soon so James went to hit the shower. He pondered under the cold morning water, to cool down his head. James had no idea why he felt this tension.
After 3 or 4 cigars he had while waiting for Ed, he finally came. Knocked on the door, and shouting his name.
"James! Open up! Open up!" He blamed the door, to makes sure James heard it.
James ran straight away, "Shut up man! I'm not deaf,"
He opened the door and Ed is suited up, "You ready?"
"Yea, just come in. I'll pack some stuff first, they're coffee over there."
James packed all his stuff and Ed sat on the benchtop while enjoyed the coffee. He stared at every corner of the place. It so empty and gloomy, he didn't know what in James's head. Ed wondered why James could live in this miserable place.
"Is this a new apartment?" Ed asked sarcastically, "I mean, you almost got nothing except the couch, fridge, benchtop, and this kitchen stuff."
"Yeah, I don't care about any other furniture."
"This place used to be bright and not this gloomy as hell," Ed opened the curtain to let the sunshine go inside the apartment. "What happened?"
James paused his activity for a second, sighed, and walked out of his bedroom. Stared at Ed then moved to open the fridge. He grabbed a beer and sat next to Ed. He never talked about his problem to Ed before. In fact, he barely talked about his relationship with anyone.
"Ed, you've got a wife right?" James broke the silence between them.
"Yeah. Why?"
James eyed sunshine that went through the window, "Have you feel rely on her and you can live without her?"
Ed thought about it for a second, gazed at James wonder. He didn't know where this conversation going to be, "I think so…what's your point?"
James opened the beer and smiled faintly, "You asked me what happened right? I lost my home Ed… shoulder that I can cry on when I'm sad. People that I can hug when I'm lonely, people that can me smiled when I'm tired."
Ed silent, he couldn't say anything about it. He stared at James with a smile on his face but tears in his eyes. Ed knew that James hold his tears and he erased it with a beer in his hand. He couldn't make it stop on his own.
"—The reason why this place is empty," James continued. "Because I don't see the point, this just houses nothing but an empty place. The one that matters is the people inside it, someone that I loved. Now she's gone and I don't know what to do."
James giggled he didn't know what it's funny about that. Ed could feel it, there's a time when someone couldn't cry anymore. Ed knew that James is cried, but it deep down inside his heart. His laugh couldn't fool him, Ed knew both of them for years, James and Christy. He could understand enough about his feelings without James realize it.
"Okay, should we go?" James took his bag and jacket.
"Hey…it's okay if you don't want to."
"No! C'mon, I have to think about this. You said I should grow up and I will… Please Ed, just go. I need that money,"
Ed felt bad about this, he the one who told him to get this job. He didn't know that James is hurting so bad. He drove him into the school that James worked, that's one of the best high school in town. Ed introduced him to the teacher over there.
Lucky enough that Christy wasn't there when they arrived. James could relieve a little, he went to the literature class. He must teach those students for a month, he didn't know if he could do this but his pocket forced him to like it or not.
James introduced himself for almost 30 minutes, and he didn't know anything about teaching. The students were very excited about him, few people are his fans. James just smiled and being nice. Right now, he knew how it felt to do something that you don't like. His condition makes him do this.
He went back home with Ed, "How's your class?"
"Yeah, is not that bad. I just have to do it for a month right? Hopefully, there's no problem about it."
Ed glanced at him, "You'll be fine. Have you think the next move after this?"
"Nope, why?" James answered shortly.
"You should've planned everything James. If you wanted to get out from this situation."
James stared at the streets with a contemplative eye. He thought about what Ed just said. James was tired of his situation but also exhausted to planned everything. He didn't want to wake up and worried that someone will ruin his life again.
He just wanted to rest for a little. He wanted to enjoy his life for a little. He wanted to go home, back into the arms of someone that he loved.