From the crude bed, Min-Jun opened his eyes and stared at the blotchy ceiling and the rough wooden beams holding it in place. The cold winter wind howled through the slits between the planks of the shack, where there were gaps in the animal skins. His hands were frozen. It could have been from the cold. Or from the dream he kept having lately.
Slowly raising, he rested on the side of the bed, rubbing his eyes to shake the sensations from his nightmares and bring himself into reality. The last day he spent in the city, tutoring his pupil, had been grotesquely transformed into a terror that returned to haunt him every night.
Since the war had started, the falling leaves had changed to falling snow. But whenever he dreamed, his dreams remained constant. After so many years of holding the sword of a general, he still had the spirit of a teacher.
"Anything suspicious during the night?" he inquired, massaging the old wound on his sore shoulder.
His footmen offered a military salute before informing him, "the sentries reported all was quiet."
"How are we doing with the body count and prisoners?"
"Lieutenant Beom-Seok wanted me to inform you the prisoners are keeping quiet and the body count and pyres will be ready before noon."
Min-Jun sighed and stood up, allowing his aide to help him gear up. The light of a new day would offer safe passage through the woods, back to their main encampment.
"Out of The Ten Courts of Hell we stumbled into the Hell of Ice," the footman added, blowing into his hands and rubbing them.
Min-Jun grunted in agreement, his expression remaining stiff.
The footman put an awkward smile on his dull looking face, while making sure to clasp tight the fur vest he convinced him to wear this time. "I will hurry and have you bundled up, ready for another day at war, my General."
His gaze stopped on his aid's collar, painted bright red. A tinge of red and a tinge of gold, the colors of his legions. He felt the burden on his shoulders weighing him down. And it was not from the extra vest he put on. "War and the responsibility for my men who are following me without question, whether I am telling them to set up camp, or to charge the enemy. And death. Look around at how much death and suffering, and blood, and mud. Now you tell me if this is something I should hurry to resume, soldier?"
The manservant stopped knotting the armour's bindings, and stared blankly at him, not knowing what to add.
A couple of moments of awkwardness flew by. "Of course, I should. I am the general after all," he smirked before turning serious. "Tighter, pull the cuirass tighter!" he instructed, patting at his armour
His reply put the soldier at ease who resumed fastening the bindings. "And you are the greatest general, from the greatest family, my General."
The aide's words were not sweetened, his admiration was sincere, and Min-Jun knew it. He was The General. The very reason why the region's fate, his brother's fate and now the baby's fate rested in his hands, all undermining each other. He grimaced while his chest was being encased in metal. "Hmm, maybe I am such a great general because I despise the war. After you have lived through it for as long as I have, the only other option would be apathy." He huffed in self-irony, the burden of a decision looming over him. "I think I am going to stick to the hate." With this thought, the heavy clouds began to clear out. Redemption chanced upon his tormented self. "The baby? How is it?" Hope came from the most unexpected alcove, and he realised he did not even check to see if it was a girl or a boy.
"I followed your instructions, General. It's in my hut with a soldier, all warmed up under the covers and fed with some goat milk. General, forgive me for asking, do you plan to take it back with us? Aren't we supposed to leave the injured citizens and orphans behind?"
Instead of a reply, Min-Jun instructed. "Go and get the baby and bring it here."
The aide followed his orders and came, waiting outside with the babe swaddled up in the same blanket, stained with blood. Min-Jun exited his shelter for one night and looked around to take in the poisoned fruits of their warring endeavours. A grim sight awaited him. It was the same he'd winced at the other day, but it still shook him deep.
A few of the houses had burned down. A couple of his soldiers did well by putting out the remaining fires to not spread to the thatched roofs of the huts. Though he did not know who would use them, when the cold still bodies of those who had not fled were lying on the pyres, waiting to be lit. At least there was no more screaming, no more cries, only the fire crackling in the old wood of the houses. But the people's pleas, the babies' wails, remained all too fresh in his memory because when he closed his eyes, he could still hear them; a distant cry that would come to haunt his dreams. The baby had begun to wince again in the arms of his aide as he tried to rock it awkwardly.
Min-Jun took one more look at the infant, who again pierced him with its eyes, all the way to his soul. It sealed his decision in place. He headed for the house where his brother was held prisoner and instructed the aide to follow.
Yu-Sin was sitting on the ground with a blanket draped around his shoulder for warmth and his hands turning blue from being tied tightly to a wooden pillar. His face still had traces of yesterday's fight with blood dried out and his nose swollen.
"Finally, you have come to do the deed, Brother. I would rather have you kill me now than have those snakes in the king's council judge me. Or do you want to drag me all the way to the capital as revenge for Sister-in-Law Mi-Chan?"
Min-Jun flinched at hearing the name but remained silent.
"What did she call you, First Brother? Ah, yes, My sweet husband with caramel eyes. I am sure these words leave a sour taste now. Have you ever thought that she might have called me the same?"
"My Consort was an honorable woman. She would have never given herself to you."
"Your consort?" Yu-Sin screeched, jarring his chains. "She was meant to be my consort, until you took her for yourself!"
"It was the clan's decision, not mine. We had to make a strong offer for an alliance with her family."
Yu-Sin leaned his head on the pillar and mocked, "Alliance and power, all you ever cared about. When I start to care about it, look at me, I get put in chains." Turning from funny to sinister, he continued, "But Sister-in-Law was beautiful, wasn't she? And might have been honorable too, until you let her child die and could not give her another. Why do you think she came to me to help break off your marriage?" he asked shrewdly.
"Second brother," Min-Jun roared, his bile slowly rising towards the tip of his tongue, threatening to poison his good intentions, "what was done was done. Let us leave the past in the past. We must all find and follow our own path now."
Yu-Sin looked with intent at the baby held in the aide's arms who still winced in dis-satisfaction. "Then have you come to show us the path to the underworld?"
Min-Jun glanced over his shoulder at the infant and took out his knife. He jerked his chin up and approached his brother. Despite his daring, blabbering mouth, Yu-Sin stiffened as his eyes remained locked on the blade. Min-Jun stopped inches from him, kneeling while Yu-Sin instinctively backed away.
Digging behind his cuirass, Min-Jun took out the silk thread ornament holding the heirloom of his clan, a symbol of his status and duty as a family leader. With a steady hand, he cut it down and let the regalia drop in his brother's lap.
"This is what you always wanted, isn't it? It is yours. I will take the baby and raise it as my grandchild. You know what this means."
Yu-Sin looked with amazement at the symbol of his house, curled up at his feet. "That child does not have our blood. You will be shunned for dragging our name in the mud. For you, it would be worse than if you would have married a commoner."
"Yes. The clan council will ban me from our lands and demand to take my title. This is what you grew to hate me for, isn't it, but you were too cowardly to kill me yourself. The patriarch seat of our old family is yours and now you have a clear path to become general." He grabbed his brother's back head in an affectionate manner and squeezed like he used to do when he wanted to make Yu-Sin listen. Yu-Sin in turn looked at him with pursed lips and a twisted expression, caught between hope and sorrow.
"Brother," Min-Jn continued, "look at what we are fighting here for, us, the true Sillians. Think beyond the mere duty to serve this king or another. Think about all of us speaking one language, calling ourselves one. Our king is a visionary. If you and your men turn your weapons to stand with us as we march for the Baekje capital, you will clear your name. And when the war ends, I will retire and give you everything you ever envied me for. I have something else to fight for now." With sad eyes he searched again for the child's small form, making a fuss in the soldier's arms. His aide's stunned expression was to be ignored for now.
"Perhaps – perhaps I'll be able to allow you to use our house name and our effigy. But I will no longer be able to call you brother, Brother Min-Jun." Yu-Sin's tone began to resemble something familiar, and Min-Jun's first pang of guilt for walking away from his duty, diluted. The rest would follow.
"You cannot turn blood into water, brother. And no one can take away my honor. I earned that through and through. So will you stand with me, for your family, First Son Kim Yu-Sin of the Kim clan?"
*
The frost sweetened its bite as soon as the glaring light of noon shined from the sky. General Min-Jun, alongside his brother and the remainder of his men, braved the solitude of the forest and made their way back to the camp, leaving behind a desolated village. The only living proof it was once filled with people and their hopes was now cradled in Min-Jun's arms. Perhaps, if the war would be over soon, someone would return to bring the village back to life and they would honor alongside their dead a baby with eyes like water.
After feeding the child again and peeking to see if she was indeed a girl, Min-Jun took off his armor and held her against his chest the entire way as he marched back to his base. His aide had plenty to say about him not wearing his protective gear and some of his men offered back silent scrutiny. But no one else dared add anything more.
Walking along the tall tree trunks with melting ice clinging to their bark, Min-Jun had the impression he was on a pilgrimage inside the pristine corridors of an exotic temple. A long cape was wrapped around him and the girl. When he looked up, rays of light beamed through the domes formed by branches. He closed his eyes and allowed the warmth of the sun to inundate his face. It was as if the gods were guiding him with their celestial wisdom on a new path in life.
The destination was not that far. His brother walked by his side, free. They were returning with a handful more men than they had left with. His goals as a general, as a brother, as a grandfather were within reach.
Back at the field camp, his soldiers had been waiting in angst. Cheers and joyful clamour greeted the fighting party as they passed the palisade gates and their carved sharp tips. But the general did not linger among his soldiers. He walked forth, splitting the crowds as they were flocking to greet him. When he reached his tent, the desk encumbered with the strategy board, maps, insignias and written orders was transformed at once into a nursery table. He requested warm water, and cloth or baby clothes to be brought to him.
With fatherlike tenderness, he placed his precious bundle on top of the hard surface of the table. She had been quiet and asleep all the way. Now, completely awake, she babbled in her language, grasping and playing with whatever fell between her plump fingers.
"There you go, little one. We still remember how this is done, don't we? I used to bathe my little spring chick all the time." Min-Jun unwrapped the baby's filthy clothes. "You look like you were born in spring like her, but we will say you are a winter baby because you are the warmest hope reborn in the coldest of months. Now, let's get you cleaned up."
When he reached for the basin of warm water, he realized he was not alone. Yu-Sin must have been standing there for a while, measuring him up and down.
"How are you going to keep a baby safe in the camp, Brother?" Yu-Sin pointed straight at the child, who returned to sucking her thumb and moving her gaze between the two.
"We will manage," Min-Jun replied, looking adoringly at her. "How are you going to keep your duty to our family? You are still young. Leave your whoring days behind you. Take a wife, sire a son."
"I sure hope I will never go soft and sweet like you at the sight of a child. Watching you makes me feel queasy. I need to leave before I go mellow as well." He laughed at his irony and took his leave.
Min-Jun's lips were caught in a soft smile as he drenched the cloth in the water basin. He first wiped the eyes and the chubby cheeks that had been stained from her tears, and her little mouth that had cried so hard it brought her salvation. Baby Soo-Ah cooed and squealed at his gentle touch. Her little hands and legs danced in the air vivaciously and the general could not keep the smile away from his face. He caught his aide staring at his stretched lips, with incredulous eyes. Had the man never seen him smile?
"Find milk and some well-done meat and vegetables. Bring them at once, soldier. And one of the loose women here. You are well acquainted with them, or am I mistaken?"
The soldiers got all red and dropped his gaze to the floor. "Not that well, general."
"Well, bring me the one kisaeng who inspires in you motherly affections." After issuing the orders he turned to his adopted baby and softened his tone. "We need to leave you in good hands when I go away. But don't you worry, sweet girl. Grandpa will always be back soon for you." And picking the freshly dressed baby in his arms he swayed her on the way to the dining table to play a little before dinner. He had found the most entertaining of dining companions.
The following day all he remembered was the moment when he lay in his bed, cuddling the girl. The next thing he knew it was morning and someone was pulling at his beard and smacking his face in her agitation, giggling and making adorable sounds. Peeling one eye open there was a pair of baby eyes watching him attentively. Min-Jun smiled. "You are a feisty one isn't it, little Soo-Ah?" and he grabbed to kiss her playful hand. Then realisation struck him. For the first time in a long while his nightmare had not returned. There was a shift he sensed in himself and the world around him.
A whiff of victory came before spring thaw.