It was a period of complete depression and apathy for me. A have barely eaten and moved. Staying most of the time in the house, and sitting in a corner. I would sleep in a sitting position, and even when I was awake I rarely moved, staying in that position for hours. Thinking.
Why were those things happening to us?
Why couldn't we just go through this together?
Why did we cause each other to suffer?
And unconsciously I started to move the questions from the general population to a single person. Myself. It became all about myself. I was tired of this neverending suffering.
And from that, I quickly started to blame myself. All the fault was in me. All the reasons for things that happened were in me. In my behavior. In my way of thinking. In the decisions I made. In my incompetence.
I wanted to change it all. I wanted to put stop to all of this. I didn't want the others to suffer. But more importantly, I wanted to put a stop to my own suffering. I just had no idea how, because everything I touched turned to shit. My every thought was stupid. There was no escape from this infinite loop of madness.
And eventually, it all ended with mindless rage. I was furious. I didn't destroy anything, or hurt myself, but I was furious. So I made a decision and pumped all of that anger into it. I was gonna end this madness or I will die trying.
It gave me the focus I never experienced in my life. It also took the rest of my emotions. My mind was blank. There were no thoughts in my head. I just waited like a cropse. I waited for something that would wake me up. But it was not something from the outside. It was from the inside. My own clock slowly ticking. And after five days from the very beginning of this whole process, it went off.
I got up, picked a good piece of wood and my knife, and then went hunting. The idea was simple, to kill. There was nothing except that in my mind. The single, almost blank, page of the paper. With a word on it. Kill.
I've found a group of goblins. I was targeting them from the beginning, instead of rats. It took a few hours of walking, but since I used the third gate, nobody saw me. It was five of them. One even had a bow.
I butchered them in a matter of seconds. My upgraded body combined with the experience gained by repeatedly hunting them, my understanding of their behavior, and their way of fighting gave me an edge so big, that all five of them were no match. The fact that my mind was so focused gave me an even bigger edge. My body just moved without any thoughts.
I gathered the crystals and went back to my new home. From there, went to my old hideout to pick up the bowl, and then straight to the city center. I paid the tax to Pierre. He looked at me with a curious eye but didn't say a thing. I sold the remaining four crystals and filled my backpack with food, and on top of that bought some meat and two portions of water, that I drank instantly. The last thing I bought was a new oak mace. Better, and more expansive than the last one.
I cooked the meat, filling my stomach to the brim, and headed back. Few scavengers followed my moves. They tried to stop me when we traveled far enough from the center of the city. I stopped, turned around, and came a bit closer. Close enough to smack one of them. He just fell on his hand and knees. Unable to do anything because of his weakness and pain. The rest just backed off. I guess they thought I was gonna be an easier target. Or maybe there was something in me that scared them? I can't tell.
After arriving home I barricaded the door and went to sleep. The next couple of days were going to be pretty busy.
Day ended with 1289 points on my account.