I wanted to be confident with myself, my actions, and my decisions, yet these old insecurities always came back to me for one last jibe, judging my actions, questioning my decisions; "Are you sure you won't regret all this? You know this is just a trap, don't you? You might not be able to get out once you step inside, will you be okay?" And when I couldn't hold firmly onto my resolution, I felt as if I had failed all over again.
I used to be the only one who felt ashamed. I couldn't help but feel guilty every time I did something like that with him, for it felt as if I betrayed something in me, in my nature, my surroundings, and yet I couldn't stop yearning for him. I was tired, but I couldn't get enough of his touch.
Everything is scary when I do something I don't get used to doing, while he in front of me keeps barging in.
