You're crazy, I told myself, leaning against the counter in Lola's as Bella, who was right next to me, only half-listened to me recount my encounter with Luca yesterday.
I caught him as I read in the park, walking with his brother (who, while equally handsome and charming, lacked that certain oomph that made Luca sexy). He had greeted me casually, but something about him had been too casual as if he planned our meeting. Or maybe I was overthinking. Either way, I didn't have Bella to count on to help me figure it out; she was too busy going on about this newest guy she was "dating," who was already "working her last nerve." And, although I knew my dearest, best friend was self-centered, it still worked my last nerve.
Usually, her lack of attention didn't bother me, but the dream had stressed me out. Scared me, actually, and I wanted to confide in someone.
Mother seemed all too real. The dream seemed all too real.
Although, she hadn't visited since the last dream a few days ago, but, sometimes, I swore her cold hands still touched my cheek—and every time I remembered her dark voice, chills traveled up and down my spine.
Tell Luca he must make the greatest sacrifice to save you.
She also showed me other things—images of my untimely death. Her hands ripping my heart out of my chest. Her choking me to death. Snapping my neck. Burning me. Drowning me. Taking the air from my lungs. She didn't look like she cared if she killed me, nor did it seem fun. Just a necessary means to an end. Although, why she needed me to die remained unknown.
I had searched every reason that could possibly explain why I was having that dream: daddy issues (Luca being my protector and me needing a male figure in my life), subconscious issues with my own mother, paralyzing anxiety about failure, and/or pregnancy. I knew it wasn't the last one because Luca was the closest I had come to having sex in the past year, and he hadn't so much as kissed me yet. It could've been one of the other three, or maybe none of the other three and possibly something else. I had even searched "realistic dreams" but nothing that pertained to me popped up, which led me to the crazy idea that maybe I wasn't so crazy after all, and this wasn't a crazy dream that felt realistic but an actual real demon out to get me.
Nope, not possible. I had to stop writing before I went to bed.
And I couldn't tell Luca about it. How did I even bring that up to him? Hey, so, I know we're only sort-of dating right now, but.... I had a dream about you, in which this crazy demon woman who I've been seeing off and on for, like, my entire life, visited me and said only you could save me.
He would think I was absolutely off my rocker, and the sexiest man I had ever laid eyes on would no longer be mine.
"Earth to Clare," Bella said, snapping her fingers in front of my face. A second later, her olive skin, hazel eyes, and lip-gloss coated lips replaced the long, purple nails my uncle hated. A tube of lipgloss was in her other hand. Bella applied lip gloss every few minutes, and I swear she went through three tubes a week. She could apply lip gloss in a coma if she needed to. "Everything okay, Clare-bear? You look spooked."
An understatement. I couldn't say what bothered me out loud, though. Bella wouldn't judge me, of course, she would just roll her hazel eyes in Bella-like fashion and say, Stop writing before bed, Clare, her excuse for everything in my subconscious that bothered me: scary dreams, weird dreams, dreams that felt too real, wild dreams, you name it. Too many sleepovers I woke up in the morning, heart racing, sweat collecting on my temples, the air too tight and the temperature too hot only to hear her say, Go back to sleep, Clare, you need to stop writing books before you go to sleep.
This dream was not one of those instances, though.
"I just...." I waved my hands in the air, trailing off. I couldn't even come up with a lie on the spot. "There's this weird, creepy energy in the air."
She pursed her lips, applying more lip-gloss—a shimmery, glittery gold that only she could pull off. "Not really...." Her eyes narrowed, watching me suspiciously. "Are you writin' a horror story again?"
I had never written a horror story in my life. Most of my stories were fluff pieces about falling in love or long, dramatic stories about girls who get into women while battling life, trauma, betrayals, and family.
My best friend, however, did not know that. She didn't do any reading that wasn't required by her classes. However, she was honest about that—I'll listen to you explain the quantum theory to me for eighteen hours straight, but I can't take this book-talk, Clare-bear.
She frowned. "Writer's block? You can run it through me."
I couldn't. It was already hard to talk about my writings, and it was especially harder when her eyes glossed over, and she didn't offer anything helpful. No one understood me like Luca or my mom, so I would keep them as my go-to's. "It's okay," I told her. I bit back my smile when she looked relieved. I knew listening to my ideas was torture because, despite being a great writer, I was not a great speaker. "I can, however, dump my boy problems on you."
She leaned onto the counter, chin cupped in her hands. She looked exactly like her model mother—a tall, skinny body, sharp features on a pixie-like face, wider, almond-shaped eyes, and a look on her face like she disapproved of everything. Everybody hated her when they first met her because of her expression, but once she spoke, everyone fell for her. She was charming and funny, bubbly and had this way of talking about life that made you feel like it was much, much grander than it was. "Now this I can help with," she replied with a dazzling grin. "What's goin' on in casa de Luca y Clare?"
I rolled my eyes. Bella was taking her second semester of Spanish, and she took every chance she could to sprinkle it into conversation with her horrible accent. "First off, there is no 'house of Luca and Clare.' It's currently more like.... like a box. Under a bridge. In the rain."
"Explain."
"So, we've been goin' on dates for, like, two weeks now, and... nothin'. He opens doors for me, hugs me, holds my hand, and sometimes he flirts a little, but he hasn't even kissed me. It's like I'm ugly."
Bella laughed, but I was utterly serious. My subconscious may have been attacking me in my sleep, yet the lack of lip to lip contact from Luca concerned me more. I should've been searching for a therapist, but, instead, right before bed, I obsessed over reason after reason about why he hadn't even kissed me yet. Guys that were only a fourth of the way interested in me wanted to shove their hands down my pants two minute into the conversation. Meanwhile, Luca acted like I was nothing but a really good friend. Which, I guessed, was good. I wrote books about the perfect gentlemen, the patient one who took his time. Those were books, though. When it came to my life, I wanted someone a tiny bit faster.
"Maybe he's taking his time because he values you?" Bella offered.
"He shouldn't."
Her loud laugh attracted the attention of the older couple in the back corner, reading and drinking green tea. "Clare, I really don't think you have anything to worry about." She stood up, reaching over and putting her hands on my arms. She acted exactly like my Aunt Sasha. So much, in fact, sometimes I thought I was looking into her older, wiser eyes. But then Bella said something like, "He's gonna ask you to go to bang town any day now, I'm sure of it. You have a tight ass and a pretty face. You probably scare him."
She was so sincere, I didn't want to laugh in her face. Aunt Sasha had the great advice and Romania proverbs ready to drop at a moment's notice. Bella, while loving and always attempting to do her best, always offered funny advice best not taken. Her advice had ended up with me in many situations, like almost having sex with my professor, who thought I was flirting with her. That was a story I would carry to the grave. "Have you seen Luca? I don't think I scare him. He oozes sex appeal."
She dropped her hands. "Well, there's always the option that he values you. Maybe sex isn't that important to him."
But it was. He had told me as much, which was why I was a little worried. He hadn't shied away from telling me had lost count of all the partners he had, even telling me about the three (or four, he couldn't quite remember) men he had been with, too. "It is, though. He has sex with everyone. So why not me?" I demanded.
I wanted Bella to tell me I was special, but the truth was, I probably wasn't special to him.
She shrugged. "Do you even want to have sex with him, Clare? You're not exactly a sexual deviant."
"Pretty sure you're usin' that term incorrectly."
"Fine. Sexually explicit."
"Yeah, no, Bells, still wrong."
Bella sighed, rolling her eyes. "Fine. You have the sex drive of an owl."
My eyes narrowed. "How do you know what an owl's sex drive is like?"
For a second, she stared at me as if she couldn't believe I had the audacity to ask her how she knew that information. "Clare, sweetie, are you out of your mind?"
Bella didn't even know how almost right she was. I wouldn't say I was out of my mind. I would, however, say that I was on my way there. If I didn't tell somebody about that stupid dream within the next week, I would explode. That, coupled with my writer's block, impending assignments, and general life stress, was slowly spreading me thin. I wasn't even getting my usual amount of sleep.
I had to tell Luca. I had to. Even if I just played it off as a joke, I had to tell him. It would ease my conscious. I had told him about my other weird habits and awkward life moments, so why would he judge me on this? I didn't even have to tell him the whole story honestly. I could just tell him I had a super real dream.
Even so, what did I expect him to do about it?
"Clare, you look so stressed out right now," Bella said, interrupting my thoughts with a worried expression. "I promise I don't actually know what an owl's sex drive is, I just assumed it was low because it's an owl. They're known for being wise not fucking like bunnies."
I blinked. "Why—" I stopped mid-sentence because I didn't even know what I wanted to ask her first. Why did she think I was concerned about her knowledge of an owl's sex drive? Why were we talking about owl sex drives? Why did she think I didn't have a high sex drive?
She waited for me to finish my question, and when I didn't, she poked at my arm. "Yes?" Her tone was playful, a little bit like a misbehaving kid on the playground repeatedly saying, I know you are but what I am to every insult. "So, do you want to have sex with him?"
Definitely. "I could start with a kiss first." Okay, Clare, you're gonna tell Luca about the super real dream you had, and he's not gonna judge you. He's gonna understand because Luca understands everything about you. Or maybe he wouldn't. "Like something to let me know he finds me more sexually appealing than, like, a potato."
"I find you more sexually appealing than a potato." She smiled.
I couldn't help it—I smiled back at my well-meaning best friend. "Then maybe you should kiss me."
"I'm not really into cousins, but hey." She shrugged, pursing her lips up for a kiss. "Gimme some sugar, sugar."
Laughing, I swatted at her. "Don't be weird." The door opened, and a jingling went off, alerting us to a new customer. A guy walked in, searching the cafe. Secret shopper? I mouthed to Bella because we were due one this week or next. I smiled at him. "Good mornin', welcome to Lola's! My name is Clare—"
"And I'm Isabella," Bella interrupted, sliding next to me with a smile. Her eyes focused on him with a laser-like sharpens, which made me think her thing with Andre (or maybe it was Anthony) was going to be over soon; once she got her eyes on someone else, it usually ended not too long after that.
Bella was 10/10 when it came to guys she wanted, and I knew he would leave with her number. I stepped back, a smile on my face, waiting to watch her charm took place. I wished for her charm and flirting prowess. Unfortunately, though, I received a little awkward, but mostly cute and sometimes funny charm.
The guy smiled at her, but he looked distracted. "Sebastian," he told her, his voice gruff and a little husky. "Nice to meet you two."
"I'm sure it's a lot nicer to meet you." Her voice lowered in pitch, and she leaned forward, tucking her hair behind her ear and smiling. "You don't look like you're from around here."
Sebastian looked toward me with an Is she serious? look.
Oh, I assure you she is, I thought.
"I'm just stopping by," he told her. He had an accent, definitely European, strong enough I could hear it, but weak enough I could tell he hadn't been there in a few years at least. "Visiting my brother."
"Surely he can't be as handsome as you." She reached over and touched his forearm, batting her eyelashes.
Instead of being charmed, Sebastian looked mildly amused. "Some would say he's better looking. Someone to lust over." He subtly removed her hand by reaching up to move his hair away. Her hand dropped, but her smile remained in place. Sebastian turned to me, and there was something weird in his eyes, something I couldn't place—almost like he knew of me but didn't recognize me. Your dreams are getting to you, Clare, that's all. "So is she the one who does the flirting, and you're the one who takes the orders?"
Bella looked shocked. She glanced over at me, looking a little helpless. What could I say? I had never seen her charm not work. "Not usually," I answered, giving him my best 'Daddy is watching and customers are here' smile. "Sometimes I do the flirting!"
I shrugged. This was why she always did the talking.
Sebastian chuckled. "Is that so?" he asked, but he looked at the menu, and I figured he didn't want an actual answer. "What's the best thing on the menu?"
Bella, feeling a little jilted, crossed her arms.
"The strawberry cheesecake smoothie. I have one every time I come in here. It has strawberries and cut up cheese cake bites in," I told him. He didn't look sold on it, so I offered up another suggestion. "Hot tea?"
"Are you saying that because I'm British?" He didn't look upset, just amused. I did notice, however, the tension in his shoulders, and he continuously looked around. He looked a little on edge. I didn't get to answer him because his phone rang. "Is everything okay?" he asked, as soon as he answered.
Bella pulled a muffin out of the display, not even caring that we weren't supposed to snack in front of customers. I mean, we could get fired if our fathers cared, but they weren't currently here, and neither one of them wanted to face the repercussions that were our mothers if they did fire us. She took a big bite, pouting, and I waited awkwardly to take his order.
We rarely worked weekdays at the cafe, only if they needed us. Two girls had gone down with the flu or something like that, so we had come in. It wasn't like we didn't need or want the extra money. Weekdays weren't as fun because it was mostly old people and teenage girls that came in. We spent the rare weekday at Lola talking trash, stalking guys on social media, and making vacation plans we would never go on.
"Or you can stay home, Athena," Sebastian said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Take a nap, and when you wake up, I'll be back and we can go get nachos."
Bella finished the last of her muffin. "I like nachos," she said to no one in particular. She dusted her hands on her leggings and pulled out of her phone. "We should order nachos tonight for dinner. Unless you have a date." She wiggled her eyebrows at me playfully, Sebastian's rejection already forgotten.
I gave her an apologetic smile. "He's cooking for me tonight." It would be my first time at his house. So far, he had been the perfect gentleman, and I had no reason to believe he would do anything I didn't want to do.
She looked impressed. "What's on the menu?"
I shrugged. "No idea." I looked back at Sebastian. "I have a cousin named Athena."
His good humor had been replaced by irritation. "Great. I want a vanilla smoothie. Biggest size you have, please, and a sandwich. Doesn't matter which one." He handed me his card, and I handed it to Bella, who punched in his order.
His sudden change in demeanor didn't bother me. Instead, I hummed along to whatever blues song was on the radio station and fixed his vanilla smoothie. The older couple got up and left, waving good-bye to me and Bella. As they left, someone coming in stood back and held the door for them. When he came in, I was greeted by very familiar blonde hair, a tailored navy blue suit that made a pair of sky blue eyes seem darker and deeper, and a tense smile.
Luca!
A grin tugged at the corners of my mouth. He strode toward me, his smile still tense. "Clare," he greeted. You have to tell him, I thought. "This must be the beautiful Isabella? Your pictures don't do you justice."
Bella grinned. I like him, she mouthed at me, winking. "I'm flattered. Nice to finally meet the person who texts my best friend night and day."
I wanted to be embarrassed, but being around him prevented any emotion but joy.
Luca grinned at her, though. "You're absolutely right. I wanted to meet you earlier, but it always seemed work got in the way." He looked past her, at me, and I wondered if I looked okay. I didn't have on any make-up, and I wore some old leggings and I had a milkshake stain on my shirt. "Clare, you look absolutely stunning."
Oh. I poured the milkshake in a cup, topping it off with whipped cream. "I look a mess," I protested, flattered nonetheless. It was hard to believe I was anything less than the most beautiful girl in the world when Luca told me I looked good. Especially since he looked like that.
Bella put her hand on my shoulder. "Girl, if he says you look stunning, you look stunning." She squeezed my shoulder and walked toward the back for Sebastian's sandwich.
Sebastian took a sip of his vanilla shake. Luca looked over at him. "So, I know you've met Griffin," Luca told me, giving me a tired smile, "but here is my other brother, Sebastian."
Sebastian gave me a chilling grin. "I think you and me are going to be seeing a lot of each other in the future, Clare."
I smiled at him. "Look forward to it."
My cart flipped after sliding on a banana peel, costing me a precious three seconds I needed to beat Luca. Indignant, I started pressing random buttons to throw every little surprise I had at him, but it didn't matter. They missed, and he crossed the finish line two seconds before I did, laughing at my attempts.
"That's three in a row," he teased as his character stood on the first place platform. I had won the first two games and lost the last three. "You want some more to eat?"
I thought about it for a second. I still had room in my stomach. After telling me to show up in something comfortable, Luca made my favorite meal—bbq burgers with grilled onions and bacon. In addition to dinner, he made strawberry lemonade and ordered some cupcakes from my favorite bakery. They tasted like Heaven, and I already had downed three. "I can definitely use another burger and cupcake." It would take God Himself to wipe the smile off my face.
He stood up, looking a lot less serious than he usually did in a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt, his hair down. He usually headed to our dates straight from work, so I had never seen him in anything less than a button-up and some tailored pants until now. "I'll get right on that." His smile was easy, but there was a tension around his eyes that had been there since Sebastian had arrived.
Sebastian.
For some reason, I felt like I needed to watch my back around him, although he hadn't done anything to make me feel that way. Despite his chilling tone, the rest of the hour spent at Lola's, he had been a perfect gentleman, leaving me a crisp twenty-dollar tip and even joking with me. Still, there was something about him that made me wary. "You're really the greatest," I told him, meaning it.
No one had ever gone through the trouble of making me food. I appreciated the sweatpants, video games, cupcakes, and homemade burgers. It put me at ease (and made me a little sleepy).
He peered around the kitchen's entrance. "This? This is nothing," he replied, waving off my comment as he put my burger together.
It wasn't nothing, though. It meant a lot to me. However, I wasn't feeling super cheesy, so I changed the subject. "Okay, so, if you could choose any dead artist to—"
"Prince," he interrupted, grabbing new cupcakes and setting them on the plate. "The song 'I Love U in Me' touches a part of my heart."
I wrinkled my nose. "Are you sure it's your heart it touches?"
He laughed, sitting next to me instead of on the recliner on the other side of me. He took a cupcake off the plate. "Yes, I'm positive. How about you?"
Instead of answering, I took a huge bite of my burger and let the flavors accost me. Caramelized onions, bacon, and bbq sauce did a number across my taste buds, making me give him heart eyes. "The way to a woman's heart is through her stomach," I told him after I swallowed.
"And my mom always told me it was jewelry. Guess I'll have to return the diamonds."
"Guess so." Luca's phone went off across the room, but he didn't bother to get up. He had set it down when I first got here, and he hadn't looked at it since. I had nowhere I had left my phone. I hadn't meant to leave it, but once I saw the cupcakes, any thoughts of my phone left my mind. I asked, "How long is Sebastian in town for?"
"He went back to Missouri a few hours ago. He was just here to pick up something from me."
Oh. He sounded like he didn't want me to ask any more questions, so I didn't. "My cousin lives in Missouri—Athena. We used to be super close when we were little." I didn't think about Athena too often. Like her father, she was kind of the family outcast. I only saw her on social media now. She was absolutely gorgeous, looking exactly like her mom. She was built like her, too: short and curvy.
He looked curious. "You two grew apart?"
I shrugged. "You can say that. Our grandmother had three little boys—John Walker, James Walker Jr., and Jason Walker. John is the oldest, and that's Bella's dad. James is my daddy and Uncle Jason was his twin.
"Uncle Jason is kinda crazy, though, like Grandmama. She's always believing in protective charms and guardian angels and people having powers. I guess it kinda spread to my uncle because, when we were like eight, he told Daddy to put me into some martial arts so I could 'defend myself' against demons. He put Athena in it, too. She ended up being really good at those kinds of things, though.
"And Daddy might have believed him but Uncle Jason never said anything about Bella. It was always just me and Athena," I continued, remembering. My Uncle Jason was a handsome man, the color of caramel with a pretty smile and full beard. I had no idea what he looked like now actually. I hadn't seen him or a picture of him in years, and he wasn't identical to Daddy. "Anyway, Daddy and Uncle John stopped letting us go over to his house, which meant we couldn't play with Athena. That turned into Athena not being able to come over either.
I had been so sad I couldn't hang out with Athena anymore. We could sneak and finesse our way into anything with some careful planning. We laughed a lot, held sleepovers under forts made of blankets and pillows, and fell asleep with flashlights on, mid-ghost-story. She had been a fresh of breath air from the spoiled, self-centered Bella. Also, Athena liked to play dress-up giving us endless adventures.
The last day we hung out, she was at my house telling me about this weird dream she had about some demon that had grabbed her in her sleep. It felt SO real, Clare. It was so weird. It's like she really was suffocating me. She had given me a solemn look in her deep brown eyes and shuddered. My dad had heard her talking about it, but he let it go at that moment. Later that night, I had a dream about Mother. I told him it felt real, and I never saw Athena again. Now when he talked about them—the two times of year he talked about them, on Uncle Jason's birthday and Athena's birthday—he always referred to them as the "crazy side of the family" and him and Uncle John laughed.
Bella hated her, even when we were toddlers, and the three of us never hung out together.
I never thought my cousin or her dad tp be crazy. We believed in God and went to church every Sunday, and if He existed, why couldn't angels and demons?
Luca gave me an empathetic look. "Sounds like you miss her."
I shrugged again. "She's probably a whole different person now. I miss the eight year old her." And the cool joint parties because we shared a birthday. We used to tell people that we were twins, even though we looked nothing alike.
He put his arm around my shoulder. "There's nothing wrong with getting to know her now. Who knows, you might become closer than before."
. "Eh," I muttered noncommittally. "I don't think she's crazy anymore, at least not crazier than the rest of us, but it'll be awkward if we ever got together again, you know?"
He nodded, giving me a squeeze. "I understand completely." He was quiet for a moment, thinking, and I hoped he thought about kissing me. Unfortunately, he opened his mouth and asked, "Do you believe in demons, Clare?"
Did I?
I didn't know, though. I hadn't thought about it. "Like descended from hell demons?" I asked, giving myself time to come up with an answer that didn't make it seem like he was stupid for believing in them but also didn't make me look crazy if he didn't believe in them.
He nodded. "The very ones. You said you were religious, so why wouldn't demons exist if you believe the devil does?"
The air became hot and thick; it clawed at my skin. This felt like a trick question. "I guess they could," I told him honestly. "I just never thought about it. I feel like demons don't really wanna bother me. I'm just a nobody."
There. That felt like a good answer.
Luca tilted his head to the side. "You're a lot more special than you think, Clare." Especially to me. He hadn't said it out loud, but I heard it anyway like he had.
I laughed nervously, although it wasn't him that made me nervous, just that whopping secret of my own crazy. "If you say so," I murmured. I had to do it, just get it off my chest. "Do you believe in demons?"
He nodded, face serious, a sparkle in his eyes. "I believe they're a lot closer than we think." His mouth was close to my ear, sending a little chill up my spine. My cupcake was half-eaten and fully forgotten in my right hand. My left hand hovered aimlessly in the air, trying to decide between pulling himself in for a kiss myself or bolting due to the nerves. I wasn't brave enough for either.
"You do?" My voice shook a little bit.
He nodded again, completely at ease. I was sure that, after all the partners he had, there was no reason to be shaken over me. He had dated models, singers, actresses, and just stunning women overall. A little southern girl from Alabama with a cute face and long legs wasn't enough to make him tremble. "Of course." He pulled his arm off of mine after squeezing my shoulder. "Anyway, what's on your mind?"
What was on my mind? Besides him?
I decided to go for it and tell him. "Have you ever had a dream that felt real?" I asked instead, taking a bite out of my cupcake event though my stomach couldn't handle it/
"All the time." His response was immediate. "Usually nightmares."
I nodded. "I had one, like, last week. This woman called herself 'Mother,' and it felt like she was really drowning me. I expected to wake up submerged in water or suffocating somehow." I shuddered.
He looked extremely nonchalant. "Why was she drowning you? Do you remember?"
Yes. But admitting a dream felt real was one thing. To admit he was in it was another altogether; and a vital part of it, too. "Yeah, basically that some guy had to follow his heart if he didn't want me dead." I shrugged it off like it was random. I thought it would've made me feel better to get it off my chest but, instead, it had made it feel realer. There was this heavy, concrete weight in my stomach. "I dunno, it just felt real."
He stared straight ahead, his mouth tight. "Is the guy important to you?"
I blinked. Was he jealous? I was having a whole crisis, thinking I had lost my mind, and his concern was the guy? "Pretty important, yeah," I told him.
He glanced at me, a little smile on his face. "Well, then I'm sure he'll do whatever it takes to keep you alive." He took a deep breath, and the mood lightened instantly. "So, you never told me which celebrity you would bring back."