My body felt heavy with each step back to the cave.
The rain battered away at my numb limbs.
In the distance, thunder roared but no sound went through my ears.
Stumbling through the entrance, I failed to notice the expectant faces fall.
Failed to see wives and children fall to their knees in devastation.
My body walked in the direction of the infirmary. My hazy eyesight barely allowed me to see Lucky in the distance.
"Snow."
My eyes finally focused when Dr. Simmons stood in front of me with a concerned look.
"You- you're soaked. Why not take a seat by the fire-"
I pushed him gently out of the way and walked towards Lucky.
Her eyes lit up when she saw me but began to waver when she couldn't find the person she was waiting for.
Her smile cracked. "Snow- Where's-"
I slowly grabbed her hand and placed a muddied ring on her palm. It clinked with the matching ring on her own finger.
She stood in horror.
"No- There's- There's no way." Her eyes grew desperate. "No this has to be a lie."She grabbed my hands but I could offer her no explanation.
Lucky stepped back when she realized I was not lying. "She- She said that she'd catch up. She-"
Her eyes glanced in every direction as she was trying to process the news. Suddenly they came to a stop and looked up at me. They were full of hostility and hatred.
"It was all your fault!"
"Lucky!" Dr. Simmons called out but she lunged at me before anyone could react.
Loathe wrapped and squeezed my neck as Lucky glared at me.
I simply let her, my arms on the ground as she towered over me.
It wasn't long until Dr. Simmons had peeled her off me.
Her wails echoed and bounced off the cave walls as I laid on the ground.
Lucky clenched at the ring desperately, hugging it close to her chest while sobbing.
My ears began to unfocus again.
My eyes faced the top of the ceiling blankly.
There was no voice.
The thought as startling and random as it was caused my eyes to widen.
I sat up in revelation.
There was no voice!
Pulling myself up, I stumbled back to the entrance, ignoring the calls behind me.
People wished to stop me along the way with angry expressions on their faces but I quickly shoved through.
Swiping a gun from the entrance guards, I went back into the forest.
I ran through the forest.
He didn't stop me from leaning off the cliff.
Mud stained my shoes.
He didn't force me to fight Lucky off me.
Coming to a stop, I realized I could feel the rain against my skin once more.
Smiling, I looked to the sky.
Finally, all of this can stop.
I could care less why he stopped and although I had an idea, it wasn't of importance anymore. The point was, I was finally free.
Rain trickled down my face as I closed my eyes.
The barrel of the gun was pressed against my head. All I had to do was press the trigger.
Just as my finger was about to press down, I was tackled to the ground.
A single gunshot rang out, stifled by the rain.
The individual and I tousled on the ground. Grunting and flailing in the mud and darkness.
It ended as I towered over them, both of their hands trapped under mine.
My eyes focused on their face and I faltered.
"What are you doing here?"
Utilizing my shock, he pushed me off and pinned me under him.
Gritting my teeth, I growled, "What do-"
"What is wrong with you?!" Parker shouted angrily in the rain.
I froze.
"What is wrong with you!?" He shouted again, only this time with an expression that was hard to read.
My head turned away.
"Why- Why were you trying to- I don't understand!"
"Let me go."
"What? So you can go and try doing that again?!"
"Let me go!"
His grip tightened.
Something in me snapped.
"You don't understand?! I'm the one who doesn't understand! You should want me dead the most! I took everything from you! Your parents, your uncle, your safety, your friends! Why don't you want me dead?! I should be dead!"
Parker remained quiet.
Suddenly he lowered his head, his sobs becoming increasingly louder. His hands were no longer holding mine but holding himself up.
I slid out from under him and knelt in front of him.
His tears confused me and I had no idea why they had appeared.
"You," He sobbed, "It wasn't your fault."
"It was." My voice was soft, "The man we saw while escaping- that man was my father."
Parker looked up.
"He's the one who caused all of this to happen. He was also there when your parents- when your parents died." I swallowed the knot in my throat. "I've caused all this death and pain. If- If I was dead-"
My eyes widened as I was engulfed in Parker's arms.
"Parker?"
"You," His voice trembled, "You don't deserve any of this. None of this was your fault."
I wanted to protest but the words would not leave my tongue.
"You're also a victim to this war. A child that was forced to grow up and adapt and kill." He repeated. "Even if you were dead- the war would continue. People would still die. I would still lose others. Did you stop to think that losing you too would cause me pain? What would I have done if I had found you dead here alone?"
Parker squeezed and muttered. "Why do you only minimize your pain? You have also lost your parents, your safety, and friends. You are also hurting."
A moment of silence passed between us.
"Your mother asked me to tell you that she loved you." Those were the only words that could leave my lips but it felt like a huge weight had been pulled off my chest.
I could feel his sobs vibrate against my neck as he squeezed tighter
"That she and your father were very proud of you- and that they loved you very much."
This time, my arms had gone around him as he cried gently.
"How-" He breathed through sobs, "How was I supposed to hear that if you were dead?"
I smiled weakly against his shoulder.
I suppose he was right.
Then another thought floated into my brain.
How much did I have left to say?
My hands clenched onto his shirt.
If possible, I wanted to go to their graves. I wanted to go home. And maybe- maybe even see how Benji has been doing.
Was it okay for me to wish such things?
Moments passed as Parker continued to cry on my shoulder until he let out a violent sneeze.
I blinked, remembering that we were in the middle of a storm and Parker was still recovering.
"Parker," I mumbled softly, "let's go back."
He nodded and we let go.
As we began to walk back, Parker stumbled on a rock.
Acting quickly, I caught him and helped him get steady again.
"Sorry, I think my eyes are swollen from all the crying." Parker chuckled awkwardly.
Instinctively, I leaned in to get a better look.
He froze and so did I.
Parker batted his wide eyes in shock. Despite the darkness and rain, they seemed to glow a warm red.
Were his eyelashes always this long?
Gaining control, Parker stumbled back with an awkward smile. "I think I'm okay now. Let's- Let's get going."
What if he trips again and I can't catch him?
I reached for his hand and held it tightly.
"What-"
"In case you trip again." My response came quickly and I whisked my head away, failing to see his glowing cheeks and loopy smile.
The organ in my chest was beating unusually fast.
Why does this keep happening?
Making it back and returning the gun to the annoyed soldier, Sani greeted us with two blankets.
Her eyes glanced over at our interlocked hands.
I quickly let go, forgetting that we were holding hands.
"Where did the both of you go?"
"Snow thought she saw something on her way back. There was nothing though." Parker lied through his teeth.
Sani looked at him with narrowed eyes before letting it go.
She turned to look at me. "I- I heard what happened."
I glanced down, the situation nestling on my shoulders again.
Moving closer, she wrapped her arms around me.
My head nestled on her chest.
"You did all you could." She mumbled softly, her voice straining in an attempt not to cry. "And she left everything in our hands. We have to keep protecting what she gave her life to protect."
Sani pulled away, "It's the best way we can honor her death."
Parker sneezed again as snot began to dribble down his nose. He quickly wiped it away.
"I think we should get you to the infirmary." Sani made a disgusted look on her face before turning to me. "I'll see if Hemlee can get the water off your clothes, for now just wait by the fire. I think Tristan and Brye are in the one over there. Come on Parker."
Before leaving, Parker looked at me softly. "Thanks Snow. For everything."
Before I could say anything he trailed off after Sani.
"Thank you too Parker." I whispered.
Going in the direction where Sani had pointed, I found Tristan and Byre huddled by the fire.
Byre stood up and ran over to me when she noticed me. "Thank god you're okay!" She exclaimed while hugging me tightly.
I peeled her off, "I'm wet."
She smiled.
"I was starting to get worried." Tristan grinned, unmoving from the warmth of the fire.
Byre and I joined him.
Liz laid on the ground, dead asleep.
"Were you able to bring everyone back safely?"
He nodded, "Everyone is being provided with food and water as we speak. Some of them are asleep due to fatigue."
I nodded.
"Snow?"
Our attention went to another individual that stood by us. A middle-aged woman with dark blue hair stood there with a smile on her face.
Standing, I said, "Hemlee?"
She grinned. "That's me. Let me get you dry."
I stood still as she raised her hand and waved it around me.
Feeling my clothes lighten, my attention was drawn to the puddle of water that swirled in the air next to me.
"There we go." Hemlee sent it to an abandoned corner.
"Thank you." I bowed.
She shook her head and placed a hand on my shoulder. "If anything I should thank you. I was one of the people stuck in the tunnel when you came to save us."
Her face was unrecognizable, however, at the time I doubt I was preoccupied with anyone's face.
"I was only doing what needed to be done."
Hemlee smiled softly. "Nevertheless, thank you. And- I'm sorry about my child's behavior the other day. Azul has always been a fiery character and she loves me dearly, I hope you understand."
The image of the girl with enraged eyes while pointing at me popped in my head.
The two of them shared small features but the most striking was their blue hair.
Completely different characters I see…
But I do understand.
I nodded.
She let go, "Please let me know if you need anything. I'll leave now so that you can rest."
We watched her back recede.
"Hey Snow, can I sleep on your lap?" Byre asked slowly. "It's just that the floor is hard and I-"
"I'm cold though." I asked.
She brightened, "That's okay! We're by the fire so it shouldn't matter!"
Sitting down, she scooted over and laid her head on my legs, facing the warmth of the fire.
Brye's small frame soon became lax and her slow breathes could be felt.
I'll keep them safe like you asked me Arianna. I promise.