It was deep into the night, my body knew this much but it was confirmed when everyone had gone to sleep.
My eyes hovered over the girls, who slept beside me.
A sharp pain stung my heart but this time, I was going to ignore it.
I snuck past their huddled bodies.
Even though the cave echoed, my steps were soundless as I walked down.
My lungs inhaled sharply as I walked past Parker, Lucky and Tristan.
Don't look. Don't look.
Resisting that urge was hard but it wasn't impossible.
I found myself near the entrance of the cave. It was a large space and various small fires were spread out to create warmth. Here,the entire surviving group laid on the ground resting. A few people were up, but they were too preoccupied with their own worries to notice me quietly pass by.
At the entrance, the two people on night-watch stared at me tiredly.
"Do you think I could use the restroom?" I asked with a shy smile while pointing at the narrow and long exit.
"There's a restroom over there." One of them pointed at another tunnel.
"Yeah, but I don't really feel comfortable there." A sheepish laugh escaped my lips.
The one that remained quiet but her partner's shoulder. "Just let her be."
"But-"
"She's the one who helped us escape, I think she can handle herself." The woman scoffed in amusement.
The man fiddled nervously before caving, "Alright, but don't take so long."
"Thank you!" I beamed.
My smile fell when my back faced them.
I squeezed through the narrow path, my heart feeling heavier by the second.
The truth was, I was not going to return.
It's what I should've done from the beginning. Left and never came back. Everything would have been fine if I had just left.
The darkness of the night grew nearer as I shuffled forward.
Suddenly, someone grabbed my collar forcefully.
I snapped back to look.
Sharp-eyes glared at me angrily. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Let go."
"What do you think you're doing?!"
"I said, let go." I hissed.
"Oh, so you're running away?" He growled. "I didn't take you to be a coward."
"What do you know?!" I struggled against him, however the lack of space made it hard to do so. "Let go!"
"No."
I grunted and pulled on my shirt but it was useless. He clearly had the upper hand here. My hands dropped in defeat.
"Let's talk outside." My words came out in a mumble.
"So you can escape the moment you step out? I'm not in the mood to chase you down."
Running was the only way to escape him, if I had fought him directly even I wouldn't know how that fight would end.
"I swear," I pursed my lips, "I swear on my element that I won't go running."
He grew quiet.
A few moments passed before I broke the silence. "Can we go now?"
He sighed and let go of my collar.
We stepped outside and I led him through the woods.
When we were far enough I faced him.
"I'm going to leave."
"No. You're not."
"It was my fault we're in this mess. You'll continue to be in danger as long as I stay."
"It seems you don't understand your worth."
An anger bubbled within me.
"I know my worth." I muttered. "They came because of my worth. All those good people died because of my worth."
His eyes softened at my words. He muttered, "You're- you're just a kid."
I flinched.
He pondered for a few seconds, lost in his own thoughts.
"You won't be able to convince me. It's- it's better this way. For everyone." My heart ached, though I'm not sure why.
He heaved a sigh, "Alright."
Relief poured over me. "Tha-"
"But not now. We're too weak now, we need your strength. The original plan was to head towards our second base, it's smaller but it should be enough to shelter these people. You can leave when the last group arrives at that base."
"But-"
"Promise me you won't leave until then." He said firmly.
I pursed my lips.
It wouldn't take long. Even if it did, they'd be safe again and maybe this heavy feeling in my chest would settle.
"I promise."
Perhaps a part of me felt like I owned them that much. I'm not sure, but for some reason, my heart felt relieved.
He was quiet for a moment before outstretching his hand. "I failed to properly introduce myself to you due to my suspicions. I apologize. My name is Vans Dolivo."
I hesitated before touching his hand for a moment and immediately letting go. "Sir."
"Vans." He stated.
"Vans." I mumbled quietly.
He nodded in approval. "Alright, let's go."
As we turned to leave, we heard a twig snap. The both of us stood still for a moment, suddenly, the person watching from a distance began to run.
Vans and I glanced at each other before dashing after them.
Moments later, we caught up.
The girl, taller than me, ran furiously towards the entrance. Her long dark hair waved behind her, braided neatly.
"Azul!" Vans shouted.
I'd have to commend her though. She could run. If the path had been a little longer, we would've caught up but she managed to squeeze by the entrance as we reached for her.
"I know how they found us! Wake up! I know how they found us!" We could hear her scream as we squeezed through.
Vans reached for her but she immediately pointed a finger the moment I stepped through.
"It was her!"
Shadows of people danced on the walls of the cave.
"That's enough Azul." Vans growled.
She slapped him away angrily. "Why are you defending her! I heard her with my own ears. That girl said she's the reason why they came!"
"Azul!"
The chattering and murmuring only grew worse, until someone spoke among the crowd.
"What's going on, Vans?"
It was Carrie, she passed through the crowd gently and gracefully.
"It seems Azul overheard my conversation with Snow." Vans hung his head.
Carrie looked at me, then nodded. "This was inevitable."
"What did Azul mean?" Someone spoke up.
"Why did she say that?"
"Inevitable?"
"Everyone, please calm down." Carrie said firmly and the chattering slowed. "When you look at her, what do you see?"
I felt everyone's eyes turn to me. No. They turned to look at my hair.
The air was filled with hostility.
My hands clenched.
Carrie sighed. "She's just a kid. A kid with a powerful gift so desirable even madmen crave it."
"But-"
Carrie cut them off. "She is not at fault for what transpired. Like many of you, she needed a safe place. A place she could stay without fearing for her life. What happened was unfortunate but it is not her fault."
"Unfortunate?" Azul laughed darkly. "People died because of her! Our family members are dead because of her!"
I tried to swallow the knot in my throat.
"Azul-"
"I'm not having it!" She cried. "Either she leaves or I will!"
"Azul!" A brown-haired boy grabbed her desperately but she shook him off.
The murmuring occurred again.
"What's wrong?" A soft voice caused my heart to stop as I squeezed my eyes shut.
"Parker." It seemed the girl was close to him. "That girl- she's the reason why we're all here. If she stays, we'll still be in danger."
Parker quickly responded. "Azul, I think you need to calm down."
My eyes opened and made contact with him, that soft gleam in his eyes didn't not go away.
He was covered in a thin blanket, the complexion of his face so much better than last night.
Azul scoffed, hurt laced her actions. "You're taking her side too?"
Parker heaved a sigh, "Azul-"
"She's the reason your uncle is probably dead!"
The air grew cold, as the muttering came to a complete stop.
An expression I'd never see on Parker painted his face.
"Azul." He said coldly. "Everyone's sacrifice wasn't only to protect her. It was to protect all of us. They knew what awaited them, even so, they did it to protect us. Don't minimize their sacrifice again."
Azul swallowed her pride and glared at the ground with hot tears in her eyes.
Parker cleared his throat. "I understand that all of us are hurting. I do-"
My heart stung.
"But we are not monsters. We won't abandon someone just to protect ourselves."
"But how many more loved ones will we lose?" The boy spoke up next to Azul, holding her hand as he spoke.
Parker looked down and struggled to find the words.
I stepped forward.
"I'll leave when all of you are in a safer place. I promise."
Bowing, I then sped out of the cave.
"Snow!" I could hear Parker call after me but he was probably stopped by Lucky due to his poor condition.
The slight breeze greeted me calmly.
A contrast to my racing heart.
For a reason I didn't quite understand, my lips were curled up.
My head replayed the moment Parker defended me as I walked into the forest.
He was just like his mom.
My feet faltered.
A feeling I was familiar with, one I couldn't escape. An emptiness settled in me.
I just want it to stop. I just want to stop. I- I-
A twig snapped, forcing my head up.
"Who's there?"
There was no response but a series of rapid steps came towards me.
"Show yourself!" I warned.
A white furry face appeared behind a tree, with their tongue panting happily.
"Nukka!" I felt relieved and crouched down.
She sprinted towards me, embracing me in her paws and licking my face.
I chuckled softly and pushed her off. "I'm glad you're alright."
My hands rubbed her head and she leaned against me.
"Seriously, " I sighed, "I'm so glad."
Sitting against a tree, Nukka and I huddled together.
Her heartbeat brought me comfort.
The way her lungs expanded and unexpanded calmed me.
I'm not sure why.
Maybe it's because it was proof that she was alive.
Out of nowhere, Nukka's ears and head perked up. She growled low in the direction of the cave.
"Dear." A quiet shaky voice rang into the night.
I instantly recognized it as Miss Claire.
"Miss Claire?"
"Don't move. I'll try to scare it away." She whispered, her face white as a sheet.
The corner of my lip curled when I saw her slowly pick up a stick.
"This is Nukka, she's the tame wolf."
Miss Claire gave me a dubious look before sending Nukka a cautious one.
Nukka was still growling softly until I patted her. "It's okay, she's nice." I assured the beast.
It almost seemed as though Nukka returned the cautious stare before huffing and laying once more on my lap.
I turned back to Miss Claire who wouldn't keep her eyes off the wolf.
"What- What is the matter?" My question was said politely.
"Mind if I join you?" She smiled, "from here though of course."
I nodded and she plopped down.
"How are you feeling dear? I'm sure you're tired. It's been a long day after all. You're still recovering too."
I laid against Nukkas's shoulders.
Tired. I think that word fits.
I'm tired.
"I've prepared a small warm place for you by the fire so you can rest easily." She smiled.
I closed my eyes.
"Staying out here for too long could get you sick."
"Thank you," I muttered against Nukka's fur, "but I don't get sick easily."
"Don't mind what they say, they're just scared."
With good reason.
There was a moment of silence.
"Okay, I'll bring a blanket out so you won't catch your death." Miss. Claire stood up, brushing her pants off.
Catch my death? As if it was so easy to do.
"I'll be-"
"Snow!" Voices shouted in the distance while frantic steps wandered in the forest.
"Where are you?"
"Snow!?"
Miss. Claire turned to look at me with a smile. "Looks like your friends have come to find you."
My heart tightened.
Idiots.