"Snow?"
My heart felt strangely calm.
"Snow."
Two days have passed since Parker found out about my ability, yet nothing eventful has happened. Before, the idea of someone knowing my secret terrified me. It still does, but for some reason it felt safe with Parker.
"What are you doing in that little head of yours?" Arianna peered over me, blocking my view of the garden ceiling. Her eyes crinkled with amusement.
I stared at her for a few seconds before responding, "Thinking."
"About?"
"... A secret."
She gasped. "A secret?"
I nodded.
"It must be bothering you." She laid back down excitedly. "Usually you're always so alert, but I've been trying to tell you something for the past two minutes."
Glancing at her awkwardly, I said, "Sorry."
"No." She sat up again, only this time pulling me with her. "Never apologize for worrying about your problems. As a friend I should also understand that you also have problems and should also make time for you."
I nodded again.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
My lips pursed. I'm sure she'd know something about it. It- it should be okay right? As long as I don't tell her about my element.
"If- If I had a secret," I hated that my voice was so clearly hesitant but no matter how hard I tried it wouldn't go away, "but someone finds out. Should I feel alarmed or calm?"
She looked at me carefully, "I would feel alarmed."
Then why am I feeling this way? I should be panicking.
"But," she started, "If I feel calm. I think it would be because I trust the person who found out."
What?
She frowned playfully, "Though I'm not the first one you've put trust into, I'm glad you found someone you could trust."
I trust him?
"If I'm assuming correctly, then you shouldn't worry about your secret being spilled." Arianna smiled at me. "Parker is actually pretty loyal despite his laid-back personality."
My eyes widened. How did she-
"Come on baby. I'm not enough of a bad friend to see all the worried glances Parker has given you recently."
I frowned. He had been acting suspiciously recently, every time I felt his eyes on me, I would turn to meet them but he would quickly look away.
"He's usually not that fussy concerning you."
"Fussy?"
"Worried. As if you were a child." She explained.
His actions did make sense with that word. Fussy. Either way, if his actions were obvious to Arianna, I'm sure others were bound to notice something was up.
-
It was the next day, Parker and I were patrolling outside on our own. I was given Danny's temporary spot as I was deemed capable enough to do so.
"Stop treating me like a child."
"What?" He dropped a piece of yesterday's meal onto the ground. Nukka quickly grabbed it and ran back to my side.
Satisfied with our leftovers Nukka laid down by my legs.
After confirming her existence, Mr. Small wanted to see her with his own eyes. However, seeing that the wolf clearly disliked others, it was proving hard to do so. She appeared only when he decided to leave after waiting too long.
Well there goes his bait.
"Arianna said that you worry about me as though I was a child."
"I'm not-" He stuttered. "I'm not even remotely treating you like a kid! You're- you're anything but a kid."
"Arianna called you fussy."
"Damn it Ari!" He growled to himself.
I crouched down and scratched Nukka's ears.
A moment of silence passed until Parker quietly broke it. "Why are you hiding it?"
A scowl escaped my lips as I glared at him. "It's none of your business."
"I know but-"
"Forget about it!" I snapped.
"I can't! And I won't until you tell me why." His eyes looked dead straight into mine. Showing an unwavering determination.
A sigh escaped my lips. "Why- Why do you need to know?"
"The ice element is one of the strongest elements out there! It'll be a strong asset when we fight against the emperor but you're hiding it away. Why?!"
I chuckled darkly.
His eyes widened and he leaned back in surprise. "What?"
"Power. Whenever someone looks at me, I can see it in their eyes, 'we can use her', 'we can be stronger with her'. They look at me like a source of power a tool to use to kill and destroy."
What good does it do by telling him this?
"You're not the only one who has to make sacrifices, lots of people have died."
Why does my heart feel like it's sinking?
I smiled, "At what cost is my sacrifice? I benefit the side I'm on, but neither sides will benefit me. I will always hold the losing stick. I will always be suffering. Do you have any idea how many innocent people have died before my eyes?"
He faltered.
"Because of me."
"I-" Parker couldn't seem to find the words.
"The more people that know, the more in danger they are."
"That's why you said you'd leave if more people found out." He mumbled quietly.
I laid by Nukka on the ground, moments later Parker laid down next to me.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, "What I said earlier was insensitive."
Nukka nestled her face in the small crook of my neck.
"I just- I want this to be all over. I want to lead a normal life where more people won't get hurt. Where we can live freely without being used or sought out for our powers. I want to create a world where children don't have to lose their parents to war."
Sacrifices huh?
My heart ached.
"I heard you lost your parents not so long ago." I mentioned quietly.
"About four years ago." He stared absent-mindedly. "They were only going to leave for a month. It- it was only a month."
"They never came back." I finished for him.
"My uncle went to go check on them, but the base they were inspecting- it was- everyone had died."
My heart and body froze.
"How- How did they die?" An unsettling feeling came over me like a storm. Rumbling and terrifyingly loud.
"I'm not sure." He smiled softly.
I'm sure it has nothing to do with them.
The image of the red-headed couple popped into my mind. I felt my lungs press together making it hard to breath.
It's not them. It can't be.
"I miss them a lot."
"What were their names?" It came out a murmur but he was able to hear me.
"My mom's name was Adelaide."
'Call me Addie, sweetie. Mrs. Adelaide is too long.'
My heart dropped and I sat up, try ing to breathe.
"My dad's name was-"
"August." My voice was a whisper.
His head swiveled towards me and he slowly sat up. "How did you know?"
Oh god.
"They're names were Adelaide and August Small." I breathed out.
They were his parents.
Their screams echoed in my head and I pulled my palms up to my ears to stop them.
"Snow! What's wrong?!"
I killed- I killed his parents.
He pulled my hands away from my ears and his face came into my view. It was full of worry and I couldn't stop my heart from falling or the knot in my stomach from going away.
"I'm going to call help, just-"
"I killed them."
He froze and blinked at me.
"Because of me..." I breathed.
Parker grabbed my shoulders softly. His voice was shaky, "I- I don't understand. Could you explain it for me?"
I grew quiet.
His arms fell to his side and I did the mistake of looking at him.
Tears fell down his cheeks, and the most broken expression filled his eyes. Locks of red curls fell on his forehead. His lips bobbed open as he tried to process my words.
"Are you telling the truth?" His voice was thick with tears.
"I-" My words couldn't come out. I wanted to apologize, to ask for his forgiveness.
Do I even deserve it? I
'm just like the soldiers that took my mother and killed my sisters. I- I don't deserve forgiveness.
"Parker-"
He stood up, his face as white as a sheet. "I- I need to go."
My lips parted in an attempt to stop him, but I stopped myself.
"I need to go." Parker murmured as stumbled away in a hurry.
I sat in silence, trying to process what just happened. I didn't even notice Nukka was circling me in worry.
Are you okay?
His words made me realize, my eyes were watery. I quickly squeezed my eyes to stop myself from crying; crying would get me nowhere.
I need to leave. I need to leave now.
Forcing my body to get up, I quickly grabbed my backpack and unhooked the walkie from my pants. But as I reached down to place the walkie on the floor, my body froze.
Images of Arianna and the others flashed in my mind. Memories of laughing together during dinner, or when we watched films together came along.
My heart clenched.
Can I leave without seeing them ever again?
While gritting my teeth I attempted to place the walkie on the floor once again but failed.
Just a bit more. I'll leave tomorrow.
The rest of parol I spent in silence, with only Nukka and the slight whispering of the trees to accompany me.
When I returned to the entrance Parker was nowhere to be found.
Did he-
Sharp-eyes stared at me intently and motioned me to the side.
"What happened?" His voice was low so that the others wouldn't hear.
I stayed quiet.
He stared at me. "Well it doesn't matter. I'm sure Parker's already explaining it to his uncle."
My heart beat in my chest loudly.
"Whatever it was, it seemed to startle him greatly. It seems like it's almost your time, go ahead."
Ba-dump. Ba-dump.
Over and over again. My heart beat louder than the echoing of the tunnel, and I couldn't focus my thoughts.
Would he ever forgive me?
No. Why would he?
Does that mean I'd leave without seeing him again?
My heart sunk, and in that moment of distraction, my foot lost hold of the bars.
As I fell, I expected his arms to catch me and break my fall but instead my bottom made contact with the concrete floor.
I sat there stunned to the point where I couldn't hear the whisperings around me.
He- He wasn't there.
Looking up, I see the different faces the other groups threw at me. Familiar faces.
Disgust. Fear. Mocking. It was all there.
"Snow!" Tristan ran over to me once he noticed I was on the floor. "What are you looking at!" He growled at the others.
I felt his hand touch my forehead.
"You're burning up."
It's- It's what I deserve.
A sharp pain ran throughout my body like a flash of lightning.
Tristan held me up as we walked down the hall, each step grew heavier and heavier. Soon enough I couldn't hear the noises that surrounded me, I could only hear the pounding of my head.
Arianna came into my blurry view, her eyes curved in worry like always. I could tell she was calling my name in confusion and worry. She also seemed to be arguing with Tristan, like always.
I won't be able to see her again, I thought despite all the noise in my head.
Her hand touched mine as she turned to speak to Tristan.
It's warm.
With the remaining strength I had, I reached over and grabbed her hand.
She stopped to look at me.
"I'm- I'm sorry." I muttered as I collapsed into her arms.