"Lucy!"
"Lucy darling!"
"Lucy! Come on sugar!"
"Lucy!"
Jess looked around as everyone with a flashlight in town was looking for Lucy Miller. He bit his lip, "Lucy!" he called; cupping his hand around his mouth, "Come home!" he yelled.
"Lu-cy!" Luke called and looked at his nephew a good foot apart from him. He went back to looking around; gesturing his light around the area in front of him to get a good radius on wherever he was going.
Many had volunteered to help find the young adult ever since she had run off to god knows where just a day ago. Even her dad, James had pitched in to search. Which grant it, Jess didn't think was the best idea but he couldn't exactly prevent it.
Jess was able to get a little of a scoop as to why she was lashing out all of a sudden. Babbette and Patty mentioned she was being weird at the music store earlier, having found out her father was trying to visit. Lane said she was acting weird when she invited Lucy to her wedding before her shift. And of course James admit to meeting her in the store which sent her on her run about town. All of this must have built up and caused her to panic all at once, Jess thought.
Luke saw that Jess' "gotta find her" facade hadn't changed since he charged into the diner yesterday. He couldn't tell whether or not he should be proud of concerned, so he set himself as both until it was decided.
Luke shoved a thermos of coffee to Jess' chest. Jess grabbed hold of it and looked into it before drinking some. "Thanks." he gruffed.
"No problem." he sighed as he watched Jess drink. When he had finished Luke spoke up, "You know Jess maybe-"
"Lucy!" Jess called.
Luke sighed, "Jess maybe she skipped town. I mean, I know that's what you would've done." he said.
"Cause I've got other homes, Luke, she's just got the one." Jess said almost instantly after the thought, "Which means if she didn't go home, she definitely didn't skip town. She knows nothing else- she needs someplace familiar and secure. Someplace safe." he said as he looked around.
"Jess, it's almost been 48 hours... lets turn it over to the police."
"Those donut-munchers can't do anything. They'll file a missing persons case and then what? We'll see her every morning on the milk carton and then zip-" Jess shook his head, "If we stop looking now, there's no hope in finding her, ever."
Luke looked at him; following, "Jess, everyone's tired-"
"Then go home!" Jess snapped and turned to Luke. Luke didn't even hold it against him; looking at his sleep-deprived nephew. Jess fixed himself; relaxing his stance and rubbing his head, "..It's a small town.." he tried reasoning.
Luke sighed and looked at Jess; pitying him. He knew if it were Rory, or Lorelai, or even Jess that he would be doing the same thing. In fact, at the time when Jess had gotten into a car accident with Rory, that was him. Almost exactly. Not knowing where Jess was sent an adrenaline rush through him that would only be sedated by finding him.
Luke took the thermos back and took a long swig of the black coffee before closing it and pointing his flashlight to the foliage ahead, "Lu-cy!" he called walking forwards.
Jess followed, "Lucy!"
There was a couple of twigs cracking; like a sign of movement. Could be a deer, it crossed both Luke and Jess' mind. Could be Lucy.
They both looked at each other before hurrying over to the sound. Luke gestured a part of the search group to follow as well.
"Lucy!" Jess called.
James made his way over to them, "Lucy!" He called, "Just calm down, sweetheart, take deep breaths!" he called out to her as he looked around, "Deep breaths!"
"Yeah, relax, Sugar!" Jess could hear Babbette call.
"What if she's not listening to us at all?" Miss Patty thought aloud. Luke looked back at the woman briefly, "What happened to her?" he said with a slight concern in his tone.
"First, I invited her to my wedding, and then I see her charging down the streets like a lunatic!" Lane joined the group in the search; holding onto her Zack's hand.
"We can calm her down...? Can't we?" James worried; asking for anyone to answer him or reassure him. Jess looked down briefly as he walked around, "As long as she is left alone to her thoughts, to panic? She'll stay far from calm."
"Or worse, she could hurt herself out here." Luke sighed as he looked around, "Lucy!" he called.
"Guys!" they heard someone call. They all pointed their flashlights at the speaker; the beams finding their way to Dean. He pointed over to the lake; with the small dock. The same one Dean and her picnicked. The same one Jess would hide. The same one they both reunited on after he left.
There across the water on the other side of the lake, they could see a boat drifting around. In it a small frail and shivering Lucy was sitting. Jess hurried to the dock. She was so far away. "Anyone got a boat?" he asked quickly.
"Lane-you two go get my boat from the garage-use my car to tow it over here, fast as you can." he quickly grabbed his keys out of his pocket and tossed it to her. They both nodded quickly and ran back to the center of town to get it.
"Now what do we do?" Miss Patty asked urgently.
"We can't just sit here and wait-" James insisted, "Why can't we just hop in and swim over to her?"
"We need to reach her.." Jess said more to himself as he was trying to think of a way to get to her. "Luke-call Lane and ask her to grab the shoebox under the counter as well-" he said.
"A shoebox?"
"Just do it!" he quipped. Luke went ahead and called Lane. As he was doing such Jess went up to James. "I need you to step back."
"No, I can't leave her alone-not again-" he insisted.
"You not-leaving-her-alone is what got her here in the first place-from the moment she was born-now for once in your life do what I say and stay back." he said, "I need you to listen to me if you know what's best for your daughter." Jess said urgently.
James looked at like he was at war with himself. He looked like he knew he had no right to be acting like a father, but couldn't help but want to make up for all the terrible things. He was looked up at Jess reluctantly. He nodded curtly, "Okay." he said before turning off his flashlight and staying quiet.
"Lucy!" Jess called.
"....Go away-" he could hear her whimper. He bit his lip. If she stayed out there any longer she was going to freeze to death. Especially assuming she had been out here since yesterday in nothing but day clothes.
"Lucy darling! You're going to freeze! Let us help you!" Miss Patty called to her. Jess didn't see her moving at all.
"If we don't get to her, she'll freeze to death.." Jess said, "Doesn't look like she has any paddles with her either-" he thought aloud.
"I knew something was going on.." Luke rubbed his head, "I knew she was taking therapy-why didn't I do something.."
Everyone turned around when they heard Luke's truck heave onto the gravel behind them. They backed out of the way as his boat was slowly and carefully lowered onto the water. Lane parked and got out along with Zack, and Lorelai and Rory.
Jess paused looking at Rory. "What are you doing here?" he said.
"Helping-we heard the commotion when we saw Lane stealing Luke's boat." she explained. Jess looked back at Lucy's boat briefly; seeing it getting smaller. He looked back at Rory, "You need to get out of here-both of you-"
"No way-we have just as much a reason to be here as any person." Lorelai objected, "And from the looks of it you need help." she said crossing her arms. "We weren't there for her a lot but we sure as hell helped when we could. And I'll be damned if I just sit back and watch without having done something."
"Jess.. let us help." Rory pleaded. Jess gruffed slightly. "She's right to be angry, we didn't help her or protect her as much as we thought we did.." she said.
"She should've been protected from us.." Lane said. "This is our fault..." Babette piped up, "None of this would have happened if we had kept our mouth shut." she said as Miss Patty sadly agreed, "We told her her dad was in town looking for her..."
James looked down clenching his fists as he felt his eyes water, "This all wouldn't have happened if I had just stayed out of dodge. She woudn't have known at all if I had just left her alone-" he rubbed his head, "She's like this cause of me. And she lashed out on all of you because I lashed out on her...I hurt her-like I hurt everything I touch- this is all my fault!" he cried.
"Yes it is!" Jess snapped and turned to them all. "Yes!" he turned to James, "You hurt her! But this isn't the time to make this all about you!" he yelled at him, "None of this is fucking helping!" he looked at everyone, "All of this moping you're doing would matter later if Lucy was here to deal with it because that's what she does! She puts everyone's emotions first and worries about herself last! But she can't do that for you right now because she needs US this time! Like really needs us!" he felt his eyes watering and wiped them, "We all had Lucy as a story or some spice in our sad pathetic lives when we needed her," he said, "To reminisce," he looked at Patty and Babette as well as Lane and Rory, "Or to lean on-" he looked at Luke and James, "But the only person who never had Lucy to lean on was herself. She just couldn't do that for herself!" he took a breather and looked at them, "We're going to be there for her now."
"I'm going to be there for her now." he muttered to himself. He looked up at everyone, "Luke, Zack, James, Dean. Unlatch the boat from the truck. I'm going in." he said quickly, "Lane, Rory, Lorelai, go back and call an ambulance. We need to make sure that she'll be alright when I pull her back."
He pointed to Patty and Babette, "Patty-Babette, go with them and grab some blankets, lots of blankets, and some hot water. All of you meet back here as soon as possible."
They all nodded and quickly hopped into Luke's truck. The boys busied themselves with unlatching the boat as Jess went ahead and got in it.
"Jess!" Lane called as she hurried out of the truck with a shoebox in her hands. "I got it." She handed it to him, "whats it for."
"Calming her down." He muttered as he took it. Lane hurried back to the car. The truck spear off back to the center of town. Jess called James over to him.
James hurried over to him like an obediant dog. Jess looked at him, "You gotta phone?" he asked. James quickly handed it over. Jess typed in a number and handed it to him, "Call this in about twenty minutes, got it? And don't speak until I tell you to-do exactly as I say." he told him. James nodded firmly as he gripped his cellphone. Luke looked at him warily; catching the boys eye.m, "You sure you don't want me coming along?"
Jess nodded firmly, "Just stay here with James and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid.." he said.
Luke looked at the man surprised, "James? Miller?"
James looked at him sheepishly, "..Hey there Luke." he said looking down. Luke was about to interject when Jess interrupted, "Kill him later, alright? Now push me out." he told them. Zack, James, Dean and Luke pushed the boat out to the water. Jess grabbed his oars and rowed himself out to Lucy. As he got further from shore he noticed her oars tangled in this tree debris close to the other side of the lake. No doubt in his mind that Lucy did that on purpose.
When he finally approached the boat, he dropped the weight down to keep him steady and tied the rope to her boat. He attached his to it as well to keep them together.
"Lucy.." he spoke up, "I need you to get in my boat." he said gently. Lucy barely moved only hugging her shivering body tighter in defense. "I'm not gonna drag you back to shore if you don't want it.." he assured her, "You choose to freeze out here or not, but I would like for you to get in the boat." he tried saying as calmly as possible. He was really restraining the panic in his chest.
She looked at him suspiciously with her tears stained face. Her blue irises were now an icy blue, accented by her read and irritated orbs. "Let me make my case at least..." he asked. When he got no reply he spoke once more.
"Lucy, when I was falling apart you were there for me. Not constantly but when it mattered.." he said, "I was never there for you. I'm sorry.. but now I am. And I want to continued to be." he held his hand out to her. She backed up quickly; causing both boats to shake a little. She felt herself shivering even more; seeing her breath.
"I'm right here, Lucy.." he assured her. "I'm here..." he kept his hand out to her.
Lucy felt her lip tightened in anger, "You were never there for me-" she whimpered her voice cracking, "None of you were there for me-Luke gave up on me--I have no one!"
"That's not true.." he spoke, "You have plenty of people.. but you have to stop pushing them away.." he pleaded.
"-I have no one-" she cried in denial.
Jess felt his phone vibrating and took it out. He looked her in the eyes as he answered and put the phone on speaker.
Jess maintained a strong stare with her as he spoke into the phone, "Luke, speak." he said clearly.
"Lucy," he grabbed her attention. Lucy paused for a moment looking at the phone before looking back at shore. She could see a small figure with a baseball cap; holding the phone. He waved slightly, "I'm here, Lucy.. whatever you need we'll make it happen-you hear me?" he said, "But first you have to come home okay? Come home." he pleaded his voice unwavering himself.
Jess stared at her, "James."
"Yeah." he said readily.
Jess breathed out a sigh, "Lucy... this is your dad on the phone-" he stopped her from interjecting, "I had the misfortune of running into him and finding out what he was here for.." he said. Lucy looked at him unwilllingly.
"You don't have to say anything. You don't even have to acknowledge his exsistence. You can ignore him for all that matter but I want you to know, that he's not here to hurt you-he will never. Ever. Hurt you. Not while I'm here, not while Luke's here. Got it?"
She slowly nodded. She looked back to shore where the dock rested. She looked at the burly man there and bit her lip. Jess watched her before speaking, "James, Lucy has agreed to hear you."
James bit his lip and nodded, "Sweetheart.." he started to speak into the phone, "There are no excuses for what I did to you... what I left you with... and what I left you without.." he bit his lip, "I'm a terrible. Terrible human being for hitting you like that and causing you all that pain-" he said his voice weakening, "..But that in no way, should that make you feel like you can do the same to yourself-" he said clearing his throat, "Darlin' I deserve no family, but that don't mean you can't make yourself one..."
Lucy looked at Jess.
"I don't deserve to love, that don't mean you cant." he said, "And I sure as hell do not deserve to live, but that certainly doesn't mean that you can off yourself..." he looked down, "Don't make yourself pay for the mistakes that I've made." he pleaded, "You've been carrying it on your shoulders so long. It's time you gave it to someone else." he said, "You have a lot of people willing to do that. Luke, and his nephew there, they got it taken care of.. just ask him. He's been fightin' for you." He chuckled, "I have the busted jaw to prove it." he chuckled.
Lucy's eyes widened before she looked at Jess. Jess hid his bruised knuckle before speaking up, "Say goodbye James."
"Goodbye Lucy," he said softly.
"Hand the phone to Luke." he told him. He could hear some rustling before he got Luke, "Lucy, I know you feel awful. I get it. Sometimes it feels like you'll never forget what it is you've been trying to forget. It sucks... You feel like you'll never truly, like yourself, but it's possible. And you showed me that remember..?" he said. Lucy nodded hesitantly. She realized he probably couldnt see from that far so she cleared her throat, "..Y-yeah.."
"You had every right to blow up today. This meltdown is totally called for.. But you have to deal with the after.. Kay?" Luke said before he finished and hung up the phone.
Jess put his phone away before looking at her. "You've been holding this in for a long time..." he looked down. "All this shit that had kept happening to you." he looked at her, "What happened with Dean... I know you think you had to keep that a secret for other people's sake. Like his and mine.. but you didn't. You don't." he looked down, "Therapy... medication changes, all that shit.." he sighed and looked at her, "I know how shitty it must feel having to keep that all a kind of secret but.." he cleared his throat, "I had hope you realized by now, you shouldn't have to hide anything from me." he looked her in the eyes.
She quickly averted her eyes.
"I'm right here." he emphasized and looked her directly in the eyes, "Lucy. I'm right here."
Lucy felt the pressure building. She just didn't know what to do. If she came back would there really be a change? Or would it go back to normal like nothing ever happened? She worried that if she took Jess' hand that meant giving herself over to humiliation, everyone once again wondering what the hell happened to Lucy Miller. Her eyes searched the water for some sort of answer as Jess rummaged in the shoebox Lane had brought to him.
This is the pinnacle point of the rest of her life. The climax. And she couldn't bring herself to leave the boat. She didn't feel comforted and her head was fuzzy, she was in no position to be making any decisions.
What if the decision she made now wasn't the right one. What if she gets to be calm and level headed and realized that staying in a freezing cold boat was better than the decision she had made to come home? She wished she could get some sort of advice on what the hell to do. Wise words she trusted at least bit of course she was in a boat in the middle of the lake, with no one but Jess.
"Hold your breath."
"Count to three..."
Lucy slowly looked up from the water.
"Come with me... and you'll be... in a world~ of pure imagination..~"
Jess held her old phone out to her, blasting the faint sound of Gene Wilders as high as her headphones would take the volume.
"Living there you'll be free, if you truly wish to be~"
She felt her lip quivering before she grabbed his outstretched hand and jumped into the boat; falling ontop of him. Jess wrapped his arms around her tightly and hugged her close. She was frozen solid, and shaking rapidly from the cold.
Also shaking from the sobs racking her body. "I-I don't know what's going on with me--" she cried, "I tried getting help-it-it wasn't working-I didn't feel like me---" she could barely breathe, "It felt like everything was happening all at once and I couldn't go to anyone cause I drove them away!" she sobbed.
Jess rubbed her back and stroked her head. He slipped her earbuds into her ears and turned down the music a little as to not blow out her earbuds.
Jess then hugged her tightly to himself to warm her up as much as he could, "Just breathe..."
She sobbed and shivered onto him as she tried calming her breaths like he told her. This was so nostalgic to her. Him calming her down from her panic attacks. Her music flooding her ears. God she missed her music. She hadn't realized she did. She breathed in a little slower and shuddered.
Jess sighed, "Oh Lucy..." he looked down and rested his forehead on hers; knowing with the music she couldn't hear him as he spoke quietly. "You must have been so afraid to show this part of you..." he said. She kept her eyes closed completely exhausted. He helped her clear her face from the tears, "I'm not going anywhere." he told her, "Not anymore." he said, "I'm here.."
He reached for her forehead and kissed it gingerly for a few seconds before looking at her. She heaved a shaky breath and buried her face in his chest crying. She breathed out slowly and calmed her breaths before looking at Jess.
He had been there. He was there the whole time. She trailed her eyes from his beautiful brown eyes to his cheek. She paused. "D-did I?" she shivered as she gingerly touched the scratch on his face. He took her hand and placed it in his jacket pocket. He did so with the other as he pushed her up to lay against him. He then adjusted himself to row back to shore; tugging along the other boat.
Lucy closed her eyes slowly and held onto Jess Mariano; feeling safe finally. He was her safe space. All along.
"If you want to view paradise... simply look around and view it...anything you want to do it. Wanna change the world? There's nothing to it."
Jess took her out of the boat when they reached the shore. He made sure to let her walk herself, but with the cold she had legs like jelly. He got out; knee deep in the water as the guys held the boat. Jess picked her up and carried her out.
Miss Patty and Babette walked you to the two with blankets and a kettle of warm weather. Lucy was poured a cup and handed it. Lucy drapes the fluffy blanket around her whole body at least twice to keep her from freezing solid.
"There is no life I know..."
Lucy watched as Dean and Zack split off from the group to tell the rest of the search party she was found.
"To compared with pure imagination..."
Her gaze moved back to her water in her hands. Them being so cold, Lucy's hands didn't hurt from the searing hot temperature of the cup. She took a quick sip and heaved a satisfied sigh. Luke sat beside her and held up a Luke's Diner to go bag. She looked at him questioningly as did Jess briefly.
"What we see will defy.."
He pulled from the bag, a donut.
"Explanation.."
Luke handed it to her. Lucy refrained from completely breaking down again and took the donut gingerly. She took a bite, not knowing she was starving until it touch her tongue. She scarfed the rest down and washed it down with the hot water. He smiled fishing in the bag and handing her another.
"There is no life I know. To compare with pure imagination..."
Lorelai and Rory later came back with the paramedics, and the EMTs checked her vitals and made sure she was alright. Which she was. They said she was an hour away from being a popsicle.
Luke thanked the paramedics and Lorelai and Rory. Miss Patty and Babette hopped in the truck with the two Gilmores to go home.
Jess stood by Lucy's side as they did, and continued to stand at her side when James came over.
Lucy barely held eye contact but tried as much to. James cleared his throat, "All things considering you look great.." he joked in poor taste. Lucy looked at him unamused. He cleared his throat. "I'm going to be heading over to the next town on a job hunt.." he said "I do hope to hear from you again someday." He hoped.
Lucy watched him unmoving. James took that as his cue to start heading back to town.
Jess and Luke stayed with her for a little while longer before Luke finally insisted they head back to town as well. Jess carried her over.
____________