All I remember feeling that day was floating in a sea of darkness. I could hear screams, cries of agony, and various other muffled sounds of suffering all around me. I wanted to look around and see what was going on, but I couldn't open my eyes, nor move any part of my body. It was like I was being chained down and dragged further and further into the dark sea. I could breathe just fine, but it was cold, and I couldn't feel much of anything. The further I was dragged down, the louder the various cries around me began to become. Not only that, but I began to see a variety of odd...visions. Visions like...the color red, all of my friends and family's smiling faces, then a bright flash.
The visions began getting more strange after each flash, from visions to red to flowers and candy to messages to visions to faces to visions to red to beatings to visions to red to red, blood, wilting flowers, rotten candy, skulls, black, red, white, family, friends, visions, visions, blood, corpses, vision vision vision, blood blood red blood screams cries agony pain despair black red visions blood blood corpse death pain, it hurts, make it stop, more and more blood, please stop, apologies, crying, tears, anger, stab stab stab, screams, blOOD, CORPSE, VISIONS!
I shoot awake in a cold sweat, panting heavily. I press my hand against my chest, where my heart beats erratically. "Why must my nightmares always end like this..? Is there...something wrong with me or something..?" I run my fingers through my hair for a moment, then pull my hand away to see I'm visibly shaking. "I was supposed to be rid of my emotions...so why..?"
"Is that why you complete your missions in such an odd way..?" The voice I hear is unmistakable, but I jump nonetheless. I look over to see black fiend number 13, a young woman with long hair, pale skin, and black features from her black lipstick, nails, eyes, hair, and her clothing as well. All black fiends have black colored features like this, it's where we got our name after all.
"T-Thirteen..." I mumble, staring at her as she backs away from the entrance of my small hut. "W-Wait..!" I reach out, but she instantly turns into a black cloud and doubles back into the ground, making a beeline for the center of the forest where Romeo is. I quickly turn into a black cloud myself and chase after her, diving into her shadowy form that resides against the ground and I tackle her out of the shadows, pinning her to the ground and quickly wrapping my dark aura all around her body, including her mouth so she can't speak. "Not a word..!" I growl.
"Not a word about what, Jeshan?" I shutter as I hear Romeo's voice, looking up to see we're right in the center of our home, where a massive black tree with no leaves sits, and where Romeo resides. If that wasn't enough, there are dozens of other black fiends looking on at the two of us. Before I can get a word out, 13 easily frees herself and kicks me off of her, though I backflip and gracefully land a few feet away.
She tears the black substance wrapped around her mouth off with her black claws and looks up at Romeo. "Black Fiend number two, Jeshan, still possesses his feelings and emotions, Lord Romeo." She states flatly.
Romeo, whose eyes are on her, slowly turns his gaze in my direction. "Is that so?" He shows no signs of emotion, and nor do any of the other black fiends, yet fear wells up inside of me when all of their eyes are on me.
I do my best to stay calm and keep my usual blank face expressionless. "And what proof do you have of that?"
"The fact that you just tackled me to the ground in an attempt to stop me from telling our leader proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that you do still possess emotions. The look on your face a moment ago said it all, Jeshan." She stares right into my eyes as she says this.
"Perhaps I'm just tired of you all treating me differently simply for doing my missions a different way from the rest of you." I narrow my eyes slightly, not technically lying.
"That phrase you just stated proves 13's point entirely, Jeshan." Romeo says suddenly. "After all, if you had no emotions, why would you care what she had to say about you? Especially if you knew it wasn't true?"
I immediately grow silent as I realize the flaw in my words. Everyone's eyes are on me, looking for me to explain myself, but I have nothing to say against that. "...Alright. You've got me. I do still possess emotions..."
Everyone is silent, simply staring at me, Romeo the first to speak. "Why did you not tell me of this when we first met and I brought you here with me? The black fiends are all our kind know, we are all we have. Why would you keep this to yourself? With knowledge that black fiends can still possess emotions after turning, this is a rather large breakthrough."
"Because I know how you think, Romeo. I was going to tell you, believe me." I close my eyes as I recall the time where Romeo showed me how to "cure" a human under the influence of the fall; what happens when the mental manifestation of a person's desires mixed with their darkest emotions forms inside of that person's mind. "I knew from the very beginning, if I had told you of my emotions, you most likely would've tried to correct that."
Romeo doesn't say anything, but another male black fiend named 17 does. "If you think our leader could care less about emotions, why would he go out of his way to make us save thousands of humans who fall into the fall?"
"You call what you people do 'saving' them? You force those humans to go under some form of trauma, then forcefully enter their minds, kill the being that is created from the fall, and then use the weapon that forms to, not only grant yourselves more power, but it also makes them completely forget us in the process." I say agitatedly.
"And what's the problem with that?" 13 asks. "We're freeing them from their pain all the same."
"No we're not!" I shout in frustration. "All you're doing is making the pain go away for a millisecond at most! Without proper care and healing, the pain will never truly vanish! Besides, if you make the humans forget you whenever you impale yourself with their black weapons, then who's to say they won't fall right back into the fall?! None of their problems will actually be solved if all you do is kill the dark beings inside of them!"
"Tell me something Jeshan, do you believe forming a bond with them is any better?" Romeo asks.
I pause, staring up at him. "What..?"
"If someone were to come into your life, solve all of your problems, and then just vanish from your life and your memories, what do you think that would do? Would some not feel pain from not being able to remember who that person was? The person who brought light into their life? Would others not go mad trying to remember? Maybe some might even kill themselves for not being able to remember something so important." He speaks bluntly and with no hesitation despite the darkness of his words.
My eyes widen at the thought and I quickly shake my head as the 100 times I've stabbed myself with black weapons flow through my mind. "N-No... That wouldn't happen!"
"Can you prove it, Jeshan?" Romeo asks quietly.
"Shut up! You can't prove it either, so just be quiet!" My black aura bursts around me.
"...Shame. If we let this keep up, you might revert back to your natural form and rebirth the fall within you. You might even possibly make a completely new fall being within yourself. I can only imagine how powerful the fall of a black fiend would be." Romeo jumps down from his tree, landing a few feet in front of me. "Before that happens, I shall reset you; memories, feelings, emotions, all of it." He swipes his arm to the side and a large black scythe forms in his hand, the rest of the black fiends standing clear.
My eyes grow wide and I summon my own scythe, glaring daggers at all of the black fiends. "Stay the hell away from me! I'm not the one who needs fixing... Even if my way isn't perfect, it's still a whole lot better than yours..." I clench my scythe tightly. "I'm not gonna let you change who I am!" I slam my blade into the ground, causing a burst with my black aura, blowing a few black fiends away and stunning others. Even Romeo can't get through the powerful aura immediately, so with the chance I've been given, I run.