As if this was not the worst day of my high school years but today is official. I FUCKING HATE HIGH SCHOOL,the place i found most of happiness in turned to be the worst of the worst.
I felt lost . I woke up very enthusiastic about the day. I hated everyone ,my classmates,prefects , teachers but most importantly i hated everyone . I felt like dying. I felt like everybody was against me. I hate being so sensitive. I hate how easily i get hurt. I want to leave from my world for good .
I got to school with so much motivation just for things to take an unexpected turn.
I was summoned to the principal's office first lesson and she just shattered me. Not sure where this attitude was coming i let my face turn to the door and pay on my sweet voice but she was not having it " You have no shame . Such a beautiful like you to act like like this ,i am disgusted in you and the shame you might bring to our school . Your not even wearing a school tie." She said holding my Mathematics paper we were quizzed on.
I felt attacked but i knew she was right,i am also disgusted in myself she has no idea.
She let out again"where are your parents"
I stuttered before i could answer "th....they are away for a while" i lied.
"This is not the appropriate school attire you have to go back home now and wear a tie "
I still remained calm "get out of my sight now.....go...go.....ill mannered child"
It felt as if a bucket of cold water had been dropped on my head as i made my way through the door,the walk of shame could be spotted as i walked through the trees leading all the way to the gate .
I remained calm and tried not to think of anything. I was heartbroken. As i walked on the streets my chest was in so much pain. Don't cry . Do not cry your stronger than this. You've been through so much before you can't let this break you . I started to sing worship as i walked not knowing where to go or who to talk to tears streaming down on my face.
I let out whatever was weighing heavily on me all out. Careful not to let anyone see me i wore a blue mask and wept. After crying i picked myself up and decided on what i would do next . I was still in so much pain but crying won't help me.
When you've hit rock bottom the only place to go is up .
Upon deciding on what to do i called my father to inform him about my situation,upon hearing his voice i cried for atleast a minute and told him . My dad is human he makes mistakes but he will forever be my hero under any situation.
I returned to school after 2 hours and went straight to the principal's office. Luckily i was all dried up and ready to tackle whatever was coming my way. Knocking on her door i let myself in and waited for her to finish off talking on the phone. Her words weren't as harsh as before but her tone was acceptable.
Still having immerse pains i went to my next thing,completely aware of how late i was i fought against going to my next class but ended up having to deal with another attitude as if the morning was not enough .
My head pounded really hard and the pains had went all the way towards my back . The loud noise my classmates did made me want to scream. I then placed a book on my lap and faced down but in no time i was asleep. Few pains could still be felt but i needed to be strong.
Being strong was part of me. Somebody sat besides me putting their hand on my back and straddling me,carefully i looked up to see who it was and it was Lydia the same girl who had comforted me before but this time i was just drowsy.
She smiled at me and spoke"you've never slept in class before what's wrong :
I smiled at what she said"i am tired,believe me i tried to fight it off but i was like whatever and just caved in"
She nodded and placed a Chemistry book before me asking for my help and i just couldn't refuse. "How do we prepare silver chloride and copper sulfate, i didn't jot anything down when we were in the lab "
I began writing everything she needed to know about the preparation of those salts careful not to miss anything and also keeping the notes short and precise.
Once i was done i handed the notes back to her and she accepted them with a warm smile.
I found myself feeling completely alone when i got home. There was no sign of anyone. I was really hungry but i had no appetite. I felt like listening to sad music and i did. I wanted to numb the pain,i didn't want to feel anything,the chest pains were gone. I was now drowning my pain in sad music.
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I woke up the following day feeling completely fine. I picked up my phone "11% " i had absolutely no time to charge it.
My relationship with Melanie had been a really strange one. She no longer answered my texts or calls nor did she bother to respond .
Tony was busy with his final exams and i ought to give him the space he needed. I felt lonely and alone . I was beginning to focus on myself . After Tony writes his exams i will also be writing exams except for me they won't be final.
At school everything seemed to be okay. Everything was seemingly perfect. Melanie came to class asking for a favour and i was the perfect person. "I lost my money today and i would like to ask you to please lend me some. Please i promise to repay on Friday. Please" she pleaded.
She left my class and i realise I might have overreacted a bit since everybody is busy with the upcoming exams .
On my way to History class i saw Melanie having a conversation with Keisha and they looked really comfortable with each other. I was only confused as to what they might be talking about because i know just how Melanie hated the girl yet today they look like friends who had just reunited. I kept my eye on them as they both faded into the crowd.
I stayed for an hour after school to finish my assignments. I had hoped that Melanie would atleast come to my class to wait but instead when i went to her class she was gone. She did not even notify me. I was sad but i accepted the situation.
I checked my phone for any notifications but 0 texts or calls from Melanie and 2 text messages from Tony. He wanted me to wait for him after school as he missed my company and did not say no.
Friday came and i was the lonely stranger. The deserted friend. The ugly duckling . The undesirable. The forgotten one. Atleast let me say i missed having Melanie around me and she was too busy for me . I waited the entire day for her to bring my money back but she acted like i was invincible and that hurt my feelings. She was now hurting me like the others did and i am shedding tears for people like her. She was now besties with Keisha.
I was halfway through the streets when i remembered i have to meet Tony. When i got to school i paced through the empty hallways and there was no sign of him or any of his friends.
I was disappointed in myself and i had disappointed Tony. Passing the Biology lab,there was Tony having a conversation with a girl i have seen around school. They looked very cozy and were on the verge of making out had it not been me to interrupt their little precious moment . I would have stopped and turned around but there was no use they had seen me and the best thing to do was to move past them like i did not see anything.
I felt embarrassed but mostly hurt. Its like i was expecting a little bit more from Tony. But now i know. He didn't even bother coming after me or atleast text me. Yep i am the undesirable.
I texted Banji just to make sure he wad still okay and i could begin to remonstrate about everything that's happened.
The following morning my mood swings were very high. I was not up for any social interaction with my family just jamming to the soft music.
While still on my phone scrolling through relatable memes Tony sent a text which i would open when i felt like it . After 10 minutes responded keeping everything light and cool. Yesterday may have had an effect on me but today was different. I was different and the self introspection i did yesterday did help me a lot .
We continued texting till he asked the most annoying question " wanna hang out later today"
I reread the text over and over thinking of the best way to answer him,i had left him on seen and he send a YouTube link . It was song by James Smith,say you'll stay . After listening to the song i responded to his text " I'm kinda busy,maybe next time"
It was perfectly okay with me. I did feel bad for refusing but after everything that happened yesterday i didn't want to put myself through it again. Neither Tony nor Melanie apologised but atleast Tony reached out to me.
He never responded but he saw my text. In the afternoon i decided to go for a walk. I was wearing a white hoodie with grey track pants and i let my braids them. I was wearing brown New balance shoes and i had my earphones on ,i also covered my face with a white mask. My walk had also changed somehow.
As i walking a shadow which obviously was not mine was besides me. I turned my face to look at who it was and i was now faced with a very serious Tony . I kept my face straight and avoided his presence. It didn't feel awkward having him around but me or him not saying anything to each other was just us letting ego play its role.
"So you just going to pretend like him not even here are you " he asked
"Mhh" i said
We stopped and faced each other, i was the first to talk" how did you get here or even know where i was"
"I wanted to surprise you and i spotted you ."
We continued talking for a few hours ,approximately hours till we parted ways
Non of us mentioned what happened yesterday and i knew it would lead us to an argument which i wasn't prepared for.
The air between us was still not cleared and that night i decided to stay up s little bit. The conversation between us was heated,i was falling for him more than i had imagined till he brought up what had happened the day we were both supposed to meet.
I did not want to hear any of it but i wanted clarity. I was upset with him but more with Melanie.
I did not get why they where treating me this way or maybe an explanation as to what i had done.