It had been a week since Kairo had agreed to give Marcellus a chance at a relationship and it had been exactly what he had expected it to be. That week was one of the hardest weeks he had gone through. From the constant socialising to getting used to his mate, Kairo was struggling. He was sinking in his own thoughts and pain but he masked it so perfectly that nobody saw what was really happening.
Of course he didn't regret saving Marcellus' life. He could never regret that.
Yet there he was, emotionlessly staring out the hospital window without a single thought running through his head. Whenever Marcellus or Theo would comment on him looking exhausted or drained, he'd simply claim that it was due to the sudden change. In reality, a part of him wanted to go back home. That part of him enjoyed being isolated, being unbothered and being at peace.
If he could even call it peace since it mostly meant staring at the ceiling for hours on hours until the sun rose. What he really missed was the feeling of loneliness. He felt it even more strongly here than when he was actually alone in that dusty, abandoned pack house.
The snow had been piling up these past couple of days. A thick layer of white, clean snow coated the ground without a single bit of grass remaining. He could practically feel the coldness radiating off the glass window as he blankly gazed outside.
"You've been staring out that window for three hours now." Marcellus' deep voice pulled Kairo out of his thoughts. He turned around to see the man get out of bed, he was completely healed.
As he watched the King move around without any signs of pain or injury, Kairo couldn't help but feel some happiness bubble up in his chest. That happiness was so small that it didn't even show in his eyes. If anything, it only made him look even more soulless.
"I've been thinking about going back." Kairo began, he grabbed Marcellus' bag and medication as they started walking out of the room.
Although he didn't stop walking, he could tell that Marcellus misunderstood what he meant. His shoulders had tensed up and his smile had faded.
"I'm just going to grab my stuff and then I'll be on my way back." He explained softly as he studied his mate's actions. It seemed that he was relieved to hear that he was at least coming back.
"I can send guards to get them for you-" Marcellus offered but Kairo quickly interjected, "It's alright. This is gonna be me saying goodbye."
Silence followed the pair as they walked through the palace, receiving bows and greetings as they went along. Many of the greetings were towards King Marcellus, it seemed that he had successfully kept Kairo a secret from his people. They finally reached The King's bedroom where they could have some peace, at last.
Kairo awkwardly placed the medicine and clothes on the large, black bed at the centre of the room before walking towards the door. He was so set on leaving that he hadn't even bothered to glance around the room to notice the diamond chandelier on the ceiling or the closet space enough for ten people.
"You're going already?" Marcellus asked, even though he had tried not to sound needy, that was exactly how he had come off. He didn't want to scare off Kairo already. Not before he had a chance to properly win him over.
Forcing a smile, Kairo assured him once again, "I'll be back in a couple of hours. I'm just saying my goodbyes, that's all."
[...]
"He hates me." Marcellus groaned and slightly hit his head on the ebony table. He couldn't even bear to look up to see his friend because of how stressed he was.
Everything was shit.
For the past week or so, Kairo had been dissociating. Constantly. Even worse than that, he didn't sleep at all. He was always awake and you could tell because of the bags under his eyes. Marcellus didn't even feel like he was with a person half the time, it felt as if he was with a body but the spirit had long gone. Not that he blamed him for behaving like this, he was forced into this situation.
"Did he say he hated you?" Theo mumbled as he lazily browsed through the monthly reports from packs all over the country. He had been filling in for Marcellus whilst he was getting better. All he was happy about was that his best friend was alive.
That was all that mattered.
"He may not say it but I know for a fact that he doesn't want to be here." Marcellus sighed, his tall figure rose from the chair and walked towards the whiskey that sat on the table beside Theo. Grabbing the glass bottle, he opened it and poured the liquid into a cup before gulping it down in a second.
"Of course he doesn't want to be here. He's been a fucking recluse for 6 years." The Beta scolded, his expression dulled as he stood up from his chair, grabbed the whiskey bottle and walked towards the door.
"Give the poor guy a break." He chugged the whiskey straight from the bottle, "Only God knows what he's been through." He shut the door behind him.
The King's eyes narrowed as he let Theo's words sink in. As he stood there, he decided to be more understanding of Kairo's situation. Marcellus walked back to his chair, grumbling curses at Theo for taking his whiskey.
[...]
By the time he reached the packhouse, Kairo was soaking wet. Opening the door, he saw something he never thought he would see again, at least in this lifetime.
~
His mother opened the door with a warm smile, the aroma of the food she had been cooking was present all over the house and even reached the outside. Kairo's brother came right behind her and grabbed his arm, aggressively pulling him into the house.
"Where were you?" Kaiden asked before ruffling his younger brother's hair because he knew it annoyed him. They both walked into the dining hall to see the majority of the pack all sitting together.
"Hayes wanted to go on a run." He answered as he attempted to put his brother in a headlock but failed miserably.
There was about thirty people in the room, some were mates, some with their families and some were alone but at this time, we were all family. Kairo's mother, Himari, had cooked enough food to feed an army. But it wasn't surprising since the pack did this every Sunday.
Kairo spotted his mate coming out of the kitchen with a tray of grilled chicken before he placed it on the table. His sore belly made it hard for him to walk, nonetheless, Christopher endured and helped to serve the food before he caught his mate staring.
"Get your ass over here." He giggled as Kairo hurried towards him. They shared an embrace, the other male being careful not to bump into his belly. Shyly placing his cold hand over his belly, Kairo felt his children's heartbeats as they reacted to their father's scent. His heart swelled with pride, this would never get old.
After a quick peck and a couple minutes of begging, Kairo finally managed to convince Christopher to sit down, only because he promised to take over his role with helping Himari. Which he did.
A warm, welcoming air filled the room as all the people comfortably sat together talking. They conversed about different things, laughed and ate. It was happiness. Pure, unrefined happiness.
~
He stood there as he stared at the empty seats that were now covered in dust. A cool breeze flowed through the dark room as he walked through and hurried towards the kitchen only to find that it was empty too.
But what had he been expecting?
Kairo was now just a shadow of who he was before. The spirit of Christopher lived in him and followed him wherever he went but he wasn't around anymore. Christopher wasn't alive anymore. He was dead. Yet the memories with him felt so recent that if Kairo thought about him too long, he'd be able to trick himself into thinking he was still alive.
There would be a day when Kairo would say Christopher Jennings' name for the last time or talk about him for the last time. But right now, he was all that he thought of. He was a shadow that followed Kairo around but with time...with time Kairo hoped that there would be light. So he could live once again.
He wanted peace, above all things.