Amelia stared at the translucent stick she held firmly between her lanky fingers, reading the automated letters that it displayed repeatedly as if maybe the content of the message would disappear or readjust to what she needed to see.
An unfathomable feeling riled up within her as she weighed the consequences of the eight lettered words. She closed her eyes as she took a deep breath, then another and a final one to calm her wavering nerves. She then concluded that the test was probably mistaken, but she feared to take a proper one, just in case the present one wasn't inaccurate.
Protection during sex was a rigid rule she'd established before she'd even spent a night with James. It'd been her one and only rule, and he couldn't agree more. Yet, a positive result had popped up in her pregnancy test like she'd been recklessly fucking around without precaution. Though he was rough in bed, there had been no incident of a broken or ripped condom on either side which led to her utter confusion.
She stared at the diamond-encrusted ring that was fastened on her finger, sighing as she reflected on the pace at which her life was moving. It'd only been a month since James had surprised her suddenly, easing himself on one knee as he retrieved a suede little box that had her ring in its wake. She'd been as confused on what path to take as she was now, tears glistening her eyes as she tried to decide while he waited patiently, his eyes pleading with hers, hoping she'd utter the words he wanted to hear. Which she did.
She disregarded the consequences and obstacles which he was unaware of. The web of lies she'd woven for the sake of her freedom and at the expense of his trust.
Even with the possibility of a child on the way, Amelia imagined a future where she'd keep up with the persona and life she'd created if only she'd still be free from them at that time.
She scrambled to her feet, dusting the tiny specks of dust off her dressing gown as she made her way out of the restroom. Emerging into their shared bedroom, Amelia held the test stick tightly behind her back.
James sat on his side of the bed, the fluffy layers of the pillow, cushioning his back. Wafts of papers and files sprawled before him, a typical occurrence during the weekends-one that constantly irked Amelia. He looked up as she walked out, offering a tight-lipped smile as her eyes ran over his weekend paperwork. He put down a wad of papers in his hand, awaiting her usual reprimand for bringing work home when he noticed an expression that she tried-but failed-to hide from him.
"What's wrong?" He asked, throwing the cover aside as he slipped out of bed and took prudent steps towards her.
Amelia was skeptical about what decision to make in regards to the discovery, but a secret as important as this was one she was certain he wouldn't forgive if he were to discover the truth.
She extended the testing stick to him in response, holding it out for the displayed result to be read easily.
He reached out for the gauzy stick, easing it from Amelia's grasp as he peered at the result. His docile expression all the while gave Amelia more reason to worry about his response to the sudden revelation. He appeared to read the words displayed on the stick as much as she'd done-maybe more-to be sure his eyes were not deceiving him.
The corner of his lips broadened into a radiant smile, his eyes bright as it always was whenever he was genuinely happy about something. He enveloped Amelia in a tight and abrupt hug before holding her at arm's length, his mega white smile glowing by the minute.
"Babe," he said, laughing excitedly as he stared at the stick once more, "I can't believe this...I...we are starting a family," he whispered as he ran his hands along her arms, his eyes slowly glistening with tears.
Amelia wanted to furrow her brows at his reaction and question his excitement for the baby when she felt the sudden pace at which the thumping of her heartbeat sped. She had been so worried about his reception and her closet filled with dreadful skeletons, that she'd simply ignored her personal feelings towards the prospect of childbirth. Wasn't this the future she envisioned in the past? Hadn't she calculated the number of kids she'd have when she met the perfect person? Though those thoughts and plans existed before the circumstances occurred, they were goals and dreams her subconscious still wished to see through.
A baby, one from the man who stood before her, a man she was sure she loved unconditionally but was too scared to let completely in. A man whose demise would probably be from his association with her. Even though she was aware of the risk of this relationship, this baby, she just couldn't help but stay selfish, to cherish these moments that she was sure would end at any point in her life.
She watched now as James crouched down in front of her, undoing the sash knot of her dressing gown to reveal her bare body. He leaned in, placing a kiss along her paunch, his hands laying firmly on either side of her waist. She giggled at the tickling sensation that ran up her abdomen, ruffling his brown curls of hair as he continued laying light and feathery kisses indirectly on his unborn child.
The sight brought heated, prickling tears to her eyes as she let out a whimper, startling James who paused his rendition.
"Amie," he muttered, promptly rising from his crouched position as he pulled her into his warm embrace, "I know this is a lot to take in and it's all so sudden, but it's a journey that I'm willing and excited to go on. With you. Only you"
He withdrew slightly so he could get a clear view of her tear stricken face. He cupped her cheek with one hand, the other wrapped tightly around her, "We will get through the next eight or nine months together. We could push the wedding forward or after your delivery, we could do whatever you want as long as it's okay with you"
His words only fueled the stream of tears that trickled down her cheeks. This was the reason she was so happy yet saddened by all this. James was too good for her. He always considered her feelings first before his. While she was insensitive to his by hiding so much from him in her guise of protecting him.
"James-" she began when a beeping sound rang through the silence that lingered in the room, both their attention now fixated on the pager that lay on the bedside table behind them.
James quickly scrambled for the device, pushing a button that lulled the beeping. An ear-piercing intermission rang through right before a voice spoke:
"Detective Tolland, this is Inspector Kelly on the line. There's a new case that's been brought forth today, one that may be of great interest to you. I urge you to come to the office asap to review it! It's an urgent one and its importance exceeds all the previous ones I've presented to you personally"
The voice said, "Be sure to drop by"
With that, the transmission ended, leaving an ashen-faced James transfixed as he pondered the content mysterious case that had led the inspector to send a message personally to him.
He looked over at Amelia, his eyes pleading with her to excuse him for this. He knew how furious she could get when he abandoned her at home for work.
"It sounds important James," she said as she redid the knot of her dressing gown, "I'm sure I can't even stop you from leaving. You should check it out"
"If you want, I can stay and go to work on Monday to find out," he said, hoping deep down that she'd truly send him off to satisfy his intensifying curiosity.
She rolled her eyes at his feigned dismissiveness, "You know you want to go, it's fine. I understand. You can go"
They stared at each other for a short while before he got up from the bed with a start, rushing to get dressed whilst offering a saddened smile to soothe the anger he knew she had, though she brushed it aside.
This wasn't a strange occurrence, it happened almost every day, there was no need for her anger or frustration, it would surely happen again anyway. She watched him as he got dressed before he offered a brief hug, leaning in to place a deep yet short-lived kiss on her lips.
As he walked out of the door though, Amelia couldn't help but feel a subtle yet obvious ache within her heart. It was probably due to the fear she'd harbored for a while. One that made her fear his departure from the house and his nonexistent return afterward. Or maybe it was the urgent case he needed to review that irked and bothered her.
What if, was a phrase she'd gotten used to thinking about, and right now, the phrase rang so audibly in her head that she feared that the looming shadow that haunted her dreams, may have stepped into the light. Ready to haunt the reality of her expedient alias.