*Five years ago *
As I made my way backstage,
I was still grinning ear to ear as I could still hear the earth shattering screams of my fans;
While my security team ushered me towards my changing room, I was just thinking of some extra special fans out there, wondering if I could convince Richard to let them in even without a backstage pass.
While I changed into my favourite comfy white top and blue shorts, I heard a knock on the door.
"Hey Hallé it's Richard, could I come in for a sec, there's someone I want you to meet"
I furrowed my eyebrows and frowned, who could be so important; he never comes over to the changing room.
"Um yeah, come in"
The door opens, Richard walks in and then I see him
And I could swear, I felt it all around me; deep within me.
The air shimmered, and the world stopped.
Then .....He looked at me
And for a good minute;
I couldn't breathe, my body practically refused to do anything as I felt it shut down on me
But yet I felt my heart tremble and my body shake; with tremors strong enough to rock the foundation of the earth itself and the world started moving again but this time it spun as if the earth didn't just rotate about it's axis but moved around us.
In that very moment there was no doubt about it, no confusion in my mind, I just knew;
*He* was going to be my undoing.
************************************
"HALLÉ"
I jumped off the counter at the sound of the booming voice ringing in my ears.
I looked around disoriented, to finally catch the smoldering, discontented face of my older sister.
*I really wish mum had listened to me and not given her a spare key*
I rolled my eyes "Solange what are you doing here"
She crossed her arms and moved towards me, scrunching her nose
"Don't play with me, you knew I was coming over and this is my parents house I can come over whenever I want"
*But was it you they gifted it to, bitch*
"Anyways that's not the point and you know it"
*Nah nope not today demon-ness*
"I'm going to bed" I announced loudly before she could continue.
I swear at that moment my sister; an African American woman turned bright red.
"What?? No you're not, this conversation is not over"
I scoffed "Yes I am and yes it is" I replied as I climbed up the stairs.
" Hallé listen to me!"
I turned so fast I gave myself whiplash but I didn't care; I was done with the bullshit.
"NO ENOUGH, NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME; MY HUSBAND IS DEAD, DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT??! HE'S LYING SOMEWHERE WITH HIS EYES CLOSED COLD AND DEOXYGENATED AND HE'S NOT EVER WAKING UP, I HAVE BEEN CRYING MY EYES OUT FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS, I CAN BARELY SLEEP AND WHEN I DO SLEEP ALL I DO IS DREAM ABOUT HIM BUT THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I'LL EVER BE CLOSE TO HIM AGAIN"
Ala stood shell shocked at my outburst "Hals- " I cut her off
"ON TOP OF ALL THAT HIS BEST FRIEND AND THE REST OF THE POLICE FORCE ARE TREATING ME AS A NUMBER ONE SUSPECT BECAUSE SOMEONE WHO OBVIOUSLY JUST WANTED TO BREAK ME BROKE INTO OUR HOME AND STRANGLED MY HUSBAND THE LOVE OF MY LIFE WITH MY BELT"
"Hall-"
By now tears and phlegm were dripping down into my mouth until the saltiness mixed with the stickiness made it difficult to speak coherently, but I kept going
"AND YET AS IF I WASN'T GOING THROUGH ENOUGH, AS IF I WASN'T ALREADY BROKEN AND DEFEATED THE PEOPLE I CONSIDERED CLOSE FRIENDS AND MY VERY OWN SISTER KEEP ON BEATING ME DOWN, MORE WORRIED ABOUT REPUTATION THAN THEY ARE ABOUT MY MENTAL OR EMOTIONAL STATE, BARELY GOING OVER THE FACT THAT MY HUSBAND IS DEAD, HE'S DEAD!"
I took in sharp quick breaths trying to calm myself.
"So once again I'm going to sleep, now if you want you can stay and wait up on me or you can leave; I really couldn't give a fuck, good day" I said finally and continued up the stairs to my room.
*Bitch*
********************************
"So you remember you said you were ready to put your story out but you had to have an-uh-newly discovered talent indigenous to your hometown be the one to direct it?"
I just nodded my head staring past Richard and into the eyes of the man who had bewitched me; Richard had asked him to step out of my changing room for a minute but with him being vertically gifted, his beautiful face was still clearly visible from across the door.
Richard stopped speaking and just followed the direction of my gaze, and then released a long, heavy sigh. "Hals we don't have time for this, and He can't be distracted."
I didn't even bother replying moving from my seat towards what really interested me. I swung open the door and I saw him shiver a little; adorable. I swayed my hips walking towards him "Hi I'm Hallé, and you are?, His eyes widened as he replied stuttering "Um-uh-Michael" I laughed grabbing his hand "Well Michael come join us, I believe this conversation is about you" and with that I pulled him in not giving him a chance to argue*
I woke up from my dream haphazardly, shaken from the inflow of memories.
I once again dragged myself out of bed and walking down the stairs, I heard Solangé's voice indicating that she was still around.
I made my way into the living room, and found her on the phone
"David, without solid evidence your boys should have no reason to lay into my sister like that and I am very mad that she was questioned without my presence; so you're going to be nice to me and I'll call you back with the date where we can all release an official statement, goodbye "
As I listened to her fight on my behalf, it made me feel a little guilty about attacking her earlier; but there was no way I was apologising first.
So that's how we stood; impassive uncracking and cold like the US and the Soviet; just refusing to budge
Then she sighed "Hals I don't like arguing with you, and I know how hard it must be for you, I really just didn't want anything you said to the police to be blown out of proportion I'm truly very sorry"
I nodded tearing up again "Its okay I understand, I just can't believe he's gone, I can't, I can't " I felt my body positively shake as the thought of Michael cold and *dead* tore through me.
Then I felt my sister's arms engulf me, and realized this is what I needed; for someone to hold and assure me everything would be okay even though deep down I knew it wouldn't ever be okay again.
*He* was gone.
She finally pulled away, and I pulled myself together as best as I could; while my sister just stared at me with pity.
"Hals why don't you go see Dr. McKenzie tomorrow morning? I'll call her and make the appointment tonight?"
I nodded, I really did need to talk to someone and Dr. McKenzie had always helped.
"Also I could stay over tonight, we'll watch movies; might help distract you?, you know take your mind off everything"
I sighed, I'd take any form of company at this point even with her continuously stare at me with pity...I just couldn't be alone.
So I smiled and nodded
"Girls Night"