A strum of pain floated through my heart. I caused my family pain. My parents would be forced to give me a punishment and if they allowed my unborn child to live I would surely face many losses after.
* * *
I left back the Heavens and returned to a waiting cluster gathered in my palace. My parents had returned and were in a bit of shock and slight disarray as things had gone wrong. I was reprimanded for having broken the rules of the engagement.
Nai Jun was willing to proceed with our wedding even though I was no longer pure. With Jun's willingness I was not given a choice to ask for canceling the engagement. I was willing to put my life down for the safety of my son's and Bei Zhen.
In the Heavens two lunar years passed and I had found out a dangerous thing. I was pregnant again. It was Bei Zhen's and most definitely made in the Heavens as it's aura was what inclined me to inspect myself.
This child I held possed great power manifested as a fetus and would be hard to hide let alone the fact that it went agaisnt the amendments made to the marital agreement between the Heavens and Zheng Zhi.
In my realization I was swallowed by panic and also the urge to do whatever it takes to protect my child. I have been through a lot and would love for once to celebrate the coming of a child instead if stress and worry about whether or not they would be able to live.
I decided to conceal my secret as quietly as possible. I became a hermit only permitting my sons to see me and my creatures I had that lingered wherever I was.
The hermit routine worked for a while but then came time for the wedding preparations and thus I was dragged unwillingly out of my palace to Zheng Zhi with my parents. On the way there I had created a shield to dull the feel of the aura my unborn child projected and managed to make it somewhat safely to Zheng Zhi.
When all the details of the wedding were set my parents suggested I stay with Nai Jun so that we could be best familiar with each other. Protecting and shielding my secret took it's toll.
It had been a little over half a year when I finally couldn't hide the aura or hold my self so that I didn't look pregnant. I was barely entering the third year of the pregnancy and I knew the moment I faultered in Zheng Zhi it would have dire consequences.
I was tired of smiling and pretending but I had managed to be happy putting the meeds of the Heavens above most of the needs of myself. I felt the pressure of over using my magic but I held on.
Nai Jun knew of my sons and was slightly dissatisfied with them but he was gracious and asked that I limit my time with them and in the new free time I had I should spend with him preparing to be Zheng Zhi's new Empress.
The day I broke was awful, I couldn't escape from anyone's sight and was followed around by palace servants and Nai Jun joined the flurry of people around me. I had watched him carefully hoping that I didn't look as bad as I felt.
"Are you thinking of a way to escape me?" Nai Jun asked jokingly. I tried to restrain my reaction as I felt the need to hold back, my whole being was exhausted and then like a thin sheet of ice meeting a flame, I slumped to the ground as my magic receded to my core. It was for a moment that it happened but to me it was like an eternity.
Three major things happened, one I lost my hold on my magic. Two, I was no longer able to hide my pregnancy. And third, I was too tired to last the rest of the seconds of panic and the shocked gasps that proceeded my utter exhaustion. After taking in part of my defeat I lost conciousness.
I awoke in my bedroom in the Ninth Heaven. I felt warm all over, a good warmth, I felt comforted by the sensation but it didn't last long as I took in the rest of my surroundings. I was restrained by pieces of white silk and the Council of Punishments was gathered with my Mother, Father, and Nai Jun.
The room where they stood seemed to be full of anger and fear. The warmth I felt was coming from my unborn child, I was holding an exceptionally gifted child but I couldn't rejoice or be sad as I didn't know what our fates would be.
"Nian Bai Miao, Oldest Daughter of the Heavenly Emperor and Heavenly Empress, is hereby on trial for having a child outside of her prearranged marriage established by the Heavens and Zheng Zhi. The only child in question is the child made in the Heavens that as of now has yet to live. The offense is punishable by execution of both Mother, child, and the child's father. The Heavens are gracious but you must sacrifice the child and the father of the child to remain in the Heavens and Zheng Zhi's graces. Failure to make a choice will automatically sentence all entities involved to a public execution." An old fox spirit said in a booming voice. "The Heavens and Zheng Zhi may speak and determine further options." The old fox finished passing the sentencing to the Rulers before me.
I looked at my parents paled faces before I turned to look at Bei Zhen who happened to be amongst the Council and then I looked at the furious Nai Jun. The Heavens would always have a say in trials but since I was in the wrong Nai Jun and Zheng Zhi would decide my fate.
A strum of pain floated through my heart. I caused my family pain. My parents would be forced to give me a punishment and if they allowed my unborn child to live I would surely face many losses after. In lingering with the past I ultimately dragged down the future. I caused my own downfall and I couldn't bear the responsibility.
After a heated discussion amongst the Rulers, Nai Jun approached my bedside. He sat next to me and began to trace my features with his agile fingers. "I still want you to marry me. I still want you to be my Empress but I know that if I force you to kill your child, you'll likely kill yourself, and I can't have that," Nai Jun said.
Nai Jun paused as he stopped tracing my facial features and began to caress my swollen belly. "Perhaps you will have a daughter this time," Nai Jun mused. "I will let you have your child and allow it to live but it cannot be your child after it is born. I bargained with your parents, I'll have you as my wife and it looks bad to take a child so think of the child as a trade. I will take you from your parents and in turnyou give them your child." Nai Jun said.
"You will be sent to the mortal realm for a mortal trial as punishment. You will also have to complete Phoenix Nirvana and be reborn after your trial." My mother chided in. "You could change your features this time and alter the color of your feathers, use this as an experience not just a punishment." My mother whispered in my ear.
the old Fox stepped forward turned to look at his peers bowed to us and then announced my sentence. "Nian Bai Miao shall be stripped of her memories and powers and sent to the mortal realm. She will face all the attribute of betrayal and shall be trapped in her life. The Council approves this punishment and the Rulers have issued the punishment. Gift the oblivion water!" The old Fox called and I was given a small sealed bottle.
I felt guilty for my parents, a sliver of happiness that Bei Zhen and I would have another child, and then hurt that I wouldn't be able to see my child after it was born.