The night felt endless, his reply to my question was sure enough, and for saving me, yes. How long has he known me for? How could I forget someone like him? I feel as though if I could try to remember I would lose my head before I could recall anything like um … I don't remember. Trust me, it's been a long time, it's only a thing where he knows who I am. If only I had more time to reflect on how I should've asked more questions but the moments are too fast.
I can't sleep, even though I was sure I was ready. I just now feel that if I closed my eyes I'll envision something new. Every night is different, every lingering feeling is still a craving for the answer, and every dream is an explanation. If only I can face it again, but then I might fall too deep into a world of questions, I feel so nervous.
As I stared into the hospital ceiling, I figured maybe counting the tiles would help me sleep. It didn't, I ended up starting over a few times. Nothing is helping me, I do understand that I need rest but I can't. I don't want to sleep yet. I'm not ready to face another dream or vision or whatever it is.
I took to my senses and tried to get out of bed, but it's too much of a struggle. As I sat back down I wondered to myself, if I had lost something to me. I turn to the window, into the night, to the stars from afar. If only I was in a place without lights to see the stars dancing. The bed I rested on starts to help me feel sleepy somewhat, but the night's wrath is what calms me.
Some days I fall under the night's trance and lose myself in its abyss. My eyes are nothing but a witness in the dark, for the skies to paint over my somber thoughts. I can look no further nor can I think, but waver in the motions of sounds as I sleep.
…
I stand beyond the beach shore, where the moonlight's presence is unseen. My mind is lost like it's never been. If only I could understand why. The cool waves rush along as I trace my toe upon what seems to be pebbles. My eyes wander off for excitement yet something also subtle.
I pray that this night there will be no tears shed, no dying. The thoughts of despair and loneliness and many other mixed emotions can swell upon the only fact that I'm the only one who doesn't know how I came to be like this.
The array of stars set as my only light, and sounds of the waves crashing against the wind. Soft sand under my toes as I continue to drift aimlessly to where I'll find the end.
Every step made the air cold. As I wandered further I noticed that there was a discrete ticking sound. The sound of a clock, the reflection of my missing memories, and the reflection of my heart across the stars and sea. The feelings now came to me and to what I was desperately searching for.
What do I want to know?
The chimes of bells off in the distance took me back to my surroundings. The hollow sounds that drew me a path in its emptiness. I start to rush towards the sounds of the bells. The sound grew louder as I got closer but as it became more clear that there was nothing there I felt helpless. The more I ran the more I listened as everything clashed to the point my head felt as if it wanted to shake itself awake.
This pain in my ears and the sound of my beating heart. I know that I have to go on, but as I tried to go further I collapsed. The sounds of the clock ticking, the chimes of the bells, and the sound of my blood rushing. With what I had left of my strength I turned myself over to then face the sky.
The stars are falling out of the sky like fresh snow. The warm glow as they fell gently across the ground gave me a sense of relief, yet I'm still scared. The stars floated above the ground as if they were lighting bugs. Everything seemed quiet except for the ticking clock.
A light shone from above bringing peace to my heart. The warmth of someone's sudden touch brought me back to where I started. On the beach alone.