It takes 2 hours heading to Philippines.
I take a look at my watch habang naghihintay ng taxi.
Oh my God!
It's already 1:39 in the morning.
S-sana may taxi pa.
At lubos naman ang pasalamat ko ng makita na may taxi ang padaan kaya halos grabe na ang pagwagayway sa kamay ko.
And thanks God the taxi stopped.
Agad akong sumakay at nagpahatid sa condominium ni Axl.
Grabe ang tambol ng puso ko habang unti unti naming tinatahak ang daan papunta sa building ng condo unit ni Axl.
Pagka baba na pagkababa ko ay agad kong tinahak ang papasok sa Building.
It so familiar here.
It's the same condo unit last 5 years ago when I tried to ask for his help but he doesn't even try to listen to me.
I take a deep breath when I am standing on the front of his unit.
Bumalik na naman uli ako rito.
Parang lahat ng sakit bumalik na Naman.
Yung guilt na nawala ang baby nila ni Monet.
My hands were Trembling when I rang the doorbell and it soon opened. I immediately saw Axl wearing gray sweat pants and paired with a simple gray shirt. He also had messy hair and his eyes were a bit sleepy.
Mukhang kakabangon lang nito mula sa pagkakatulog.
Kaagad niyang binuksan ng maluwang ang pintuan at pinapasok ako.
Nag aatubili pa akong pumasok.
This unit seems have a big part in my life.
A very hurtful part.
Pina upo ako nito sa couch na nasa living area niya.
Wala naman akong magawa at umupo nalang at pilit na inilibot ang tingin ko at baka mahanap sina Yue and Thorn.
"W-where are my kids Axl?"
He sit comfortable In his couch na nasa katapat ko.
He sighed and stared at me kaya agad akong napaiwas sa klase ng mga titig niya.
"They already sleeping at the guest room with their nanny"
Napahilamos nalang ako sa mukha ko at pagod siyang tinignan.
He still emotionless.
"I-I am sorry if the children bother you at this late of night. Don't worry bukas din iuuwi ko na ang mga bata pagbalik ko sa Hongkong"
Hindi ito sumagot sa sinabi ko kaya mahabang katahimikan ang bumalot sa aming dalawa.
"I know you think of me now being an irresponsible mother for the kids.I-i know.I admit it."
I mumbled.
I looked at him when he still doesn't have any reactions.
"Ahmm....Mag hohotel nalang ako and babalikan ko nalang ang mga bata at si Ruyi dito bukas ng alas-"
I heard him silently cuss kaya napataas ang kilay ko.
"Are you really that angry with me? You want to fucking stay at the hotel when I can even offer you here with our kids.Can't children stay here for even a few days?"
Wala ako sa bahay ko para mag sungit at murahin siya kaya pinigilan ko ang sarili ko at napabuntong hininga nalang.
I didn't answer him.
He stand and bring his hands on his pockets and looked at me for a while.
"You can fucking stay here. You won't stay at any bullshit's hotels. You'll stay here and be with our kids or leave and I am telling you,You can't see the kids tomorrow."
Gusto ko siyang pagsasampalin pero pagod ako at hindi ko na siya papatulan sa mga pagbabanta niyang Gago siya.
He walked to the stairs but stopped again for a while and looked at me again with his emotionless gray eyes.
"You can't sleep at kids room cause they are already 3 there. You can stay in my room. Just make it quick cause I already want to sleep and I know you want to"
Nakatulala lang ako hanggang makapasok siya sa kwarto niya.
Me and him?
Staying in his room?!
Huh!Is he insane?! He is really a fucker!
Argh!I really hate him!
Inis akong sumunod papunta sa kwarto niya.
Kaagad kong dahan dahang binuksan ang pintuan niya.
Kinakabahan pa ako dahil naaalala ko na dito nangyari mismo sa kwartong ito ang nangyari last fucking 5 years ago.
In this place where Thorn was made.
In this place where Monet found me naked and had a sex on his bullshit boyfriend.
Nakita ko siyang nasa kama Niya at nakasandal sa headboard ng kama Niya at nakapatong ang laptop nito sa lap nito at may suot na eyeglasses.
And he fucking look so hot.
And the fuck?!
Why I am desiring him?!
Arghh!Malanding Xena!Stop it you bitch!
Diyan ako natatalo eh!
Hot lang siya tignan at mahuhulog na Naman ako.
"Axl-"
He looked at me for a while and raise his brows.
Napakamot nalang ako sa batok ko at nahihiyang tinignan siya.
"I-I ahmm....I don't have clothes.H-hindi na ako nakapagdala kasi nagmamadali akong pumunta dito."
Yeah I am so silly.
I just bring my wallet and my passport and I flight to Philippines then.
At bakit ko Naman Kasi maiisipang magdala ng damit eh uuwi rin naman kami kaagad once I take the kids with me.
Hindi ito nagpakita ng kahit na anong emosyon.
He looked at me intently and roamed his eyes on me.
Na intimate Naman ako.
Kaya bahagya akong tumukhim
"Can I borrow some clothes of Ahmm Monet?"
I wish he would.
At Sana may damit si Monet sa condo Niya.
Sigurado ako.
He moved out from bed at pumunta ito sa closet niya at sa tingin ko ay kumukuha na siya ng damit ni Monet na ipapahiram saakin.
Pero halos manlaki ang mata ko ng inabot niya sakin ang pares ng boxer shorts and his Loose black shirt.
Hindi ko na napigilan and I annoyed looked at him na nakabalik na pala sa kama at nagkatutok na naman sa laptop Niya.
"Does Monet not even have any clothes here in your condo?"
Yamot na sabi ko sakanya kaya mas nainis pa ako dahil hindi man lang Niya ako tinipunan ng tingin at focus parin sa laptop niya.
Kaya inis na inis na nilagay ko ang passport at wallet ko sa nightstand at pabagsak na isinara ang glassdoor sa banyo nito.
Wala akong pake kung Mahal ang pintuan Niya at mabasag.Gusto ko ngang basagin ang pagmumukha niya.
Arghh!
He is really getting into my nerves!
Tinitigan ko uli ang damit niyang ipapahiram saakin.
Aishh iisipin ko nalang na ganito naman ang sinusuot ko sa bahay.
I take a bath and unwillingly wear his clothes.
Halos manindig naman ang balahibo ko dahil naamoy ko siya mismo sa damit na suot ko.
I remember,Gusto ko siyang laging amuyin after sex,siguro naglilihi na ako kay Yue that time.
I erased it to my mind and get out from bathroom.
Nakasimangot akong tumayo malapit sa nightstand at bahagya siyang tinignan at hindi ko napansing nakatitig na pala ito saakin kaya umiwas ako at dahan dahang umupo sa kabilang side ng kama.
He closed his laptop and put it to nightstand and silently filled with both of us.
Sobra na ang kabang nararamdaman ko ngayon.Una dahil nandito siya sa gilid ko at magkasama na naman kami at pangalawa ay naamoy ko siya dahil sa damit niyang suot ko ngayon.
Tumukhim siya at naramdaman kong lumundo ang kabilang part ng kama and I heard him mumbled at me.
"Sleep now Xena,... Don't worry I won't do anything on you unless you want to"
He playfully said kaya naiinis ko siyang binalingan ng tingin na nakahiga na sa kama.
"You wish."
At pabagsak akong nahiga sa kama at pilit na hindi madikit sakanya.
Oo na,hot siya pero ayaw kong maging tanga nanaman.Baka kung halikan Niya ako ngayon may mangyayari na namang hindi kaayaya at pagkalipas na naman ng ilang buwan buntis na Naman ako.
Pilit kong ipinikit ang mata ko at sinubukang matulog.
I am not really comfortable with him with this place.
Kung bibigyan ako ng ibang choice ayaw ko siyang makatabi sa kamang ito.
Later passed and I feel sleepy and I think he was asleep too but I felt arms wrapped around my waist and I felt his heavy breaths in my neck.
F-fuck!
What the hell is he doing?!
Akma ko nang tatanggalin ang braso nito at sisigawan siya ng magsalita ito.
"I am sorry,Let's just stay like this for a while"
My heart beats so fast and I feel he pulled me closer to him.
Bahagya kong naramdaman ang katawan nito sa likod ko.
My heart runs fastly and I don't like what I am feeling right now.
I really want to be happy because he was hugging me right now.I want to cherish this part of this night.
But this is wrong.
I know this is just a tricks for his plans.
I won't let him.
"Stop your games Axl-"
Mahina kong sabi rito.
I felt his deep breaths in the back of my neck.
"I am not into it Xena,I stopped it since I leave that time"
He was talking about the morning talked in kitchen in our apartment 3 weeks ago.
"I do not believe on you"
Almost whisper when I told it to him.
Ayoko nang maniwala sakanya kasi dakila siyang sinungaling.
He is a great pretender.A very good pretender.
"I don't care.I just want to be with our kids Xena.A 3 weeks was the worst and the messiest week in my life.I tried to forget and just live unknowing that I didn't used to know my daughter and son. I tried but I fucking can't. Guilt was on me"
Ayokong maniwala sa pinagsasabi Niya.
Ayoko.
"I am guilt for not having with you when you have a hard times when you got pregnant with our daughter..I should not cared about your pains but I felt pain too knowing you were miserable in your pregnancy."
A-ayokong maniwala sa mga pinagsasabi niya.
Siya?maaawa saakin? As I know yun naman ang gusto Niya.Maghirap at masaktan ako.
"I think you are right,I am not a good father.I am a selfish heartless man Xena.Hindi ako nararapat na maging ama ng mga anak natin.I am not good enough.Maybe you're right,Rhys was good than me.He was always good than me.In our family,In my surroundings and for my children. He became the father for my children's when I am not with them to do my responsibility"
Hindi ko alam kong bakit ako naiiyak.
Ayaw kong maniwala sa pinagsasabi niya pero Kasi.
Pag mahaba ang speech Niya alam kong totoo lahat sinasabi niya.
I gulped and sighed.
Pumuhit ako paharap sakanya at nagulat ako ng makitang may mumunting luha na tumutulo sa mata niya at medjo namumula ang mata niya.
He is crying again.
But because of our children's.
Not for someone else.
I gently wiped his tears and chuckle.
"Why are you crying fucker?Hindi ka dapat umiiyak."
He smiled bitterly and hold my hand that was used for wiping his tears a while ago.
I looked at him.
He is so different now.
He is not the same Axl that was used to go in Hongkong and telling me that he want to take my child away from me and change Monet in my position.
"I really want to believe you Axl....Pero I will try for the sake of our kids.J-just don't broke my trust. That's all I want.Be a good father to them. Grab your chance Kasi alam kong gustong gusto ng mga anak kong makasama at makilala ka.Kaya nga matitigas ang ulo nila at pumunta pa talaga dito."
Lahat ng inis ko kanina para sakanya ay nabura lahat dahil sa sinabi Niya.
I want him to prove his self para sa mga bata.
I want to give him his responsibility.
I want him to be the father of my children's.
Sa mga anak ko lang naman ang trabaho niya.
I won't expect having us to be a happy family dahil out of the blue na iyon.
Walang pag asang maging pamilya kami.
I just need him to be a better dad for Yue and Thorn.
BlackG7